Pretend You Love Me
by chellethebelle
Summary: While their marriage is falling apart, Damon and Elena must learn to get past their demons or lose each other forever. AH/AU. Officially issuing an angst warning.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm back with another fic! I'm on a roll. This idea wouldn't leave me alone so I had to get it out and once I did, the ball really started rolling! Enjoy!**

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><p>Sometimes she liked to remember a time when walking through her front door didn't hurt. Sometimes she looked at the pictures on the walls and let herself remember when she was once happy. Sometimes she looked at the walls and remembered a time when they didn't feel like they were closing in. Sometimes she let herself remember when she didn't hate herself, when she didn't screw up every good thing she had.<p>

She took a deep breath as she unlocked her door and dropped her keys on the entry way table. Just like everyday, she glanced up at the picture hanging over the table. The smiles in the picture haunted her, they chased her down no matter where she was and mocked her and her pain. It was hard to believe she was once that happy, that she didn't cry herself to sleep every night. She looked at her wedding picture once more before tearing her gaze from it and continuing into her home.

She glanced at her reflexion in the mirror in the hall. She was a shell of a woman. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, her skin looked dingy, her bones jutted out in unnatural ways. She was lost even to herself. She hardly recognized herself. So with teary eyes she forced herself to look away and bury the pain as she did day in and day out.

She walked into her living room and moved to flop onto the couch before hideous memories flashed behind her eyes and she moved to the chair in the corner. She couldn't even sit on her favorite couch. She wondered for a moment when her life fell apart. It was hard to believe that just a few months ago she'd been happy. They'd been happy together. She blamed herself for everything. For her pain, his pain. It was her fault the last few months were hell. She sighed and dropped her head in her hands. Everything was her fault. Even now, after she'd been dealt the news that would make any other person ecstatic with joy, she was alone in her house wallowing in self pity.

She was a mess.

Her heart dropped when she heard his car pull into their driveway. She counted his steps as he approached the door. She held her breath as he unlocked the door and dropped his keys on the same table next to hers. She said nothing when he appeared in the entryway of the living room. She let out a heavy sigh when he tore his gaze from hers and continued into the kitchen.

She couldn't handle the way he looked at her. He blamed her. Sometimes she wondered if he hated her. She hated herself so she couldn't blame him.

The silence in their home ate away at her. This is how it was. How it always was. She could hear him and see him moving around, but words were hardly spoken. They were so broken, sometimes she wondered if they were beyond fixing. She was beyond fixing. He'd given up on her. He was all she had left and she failed him.

She decided she'd just give up for the day. She had enough of her emotions for one day. They were choking her, suffocating her. She should be happy, crying tears of joy, but instead she was miserable. She hated herself. She hated her situation. Sometimes she hated him. Most of the time she just hated how much she loved him. After everything they'd been through, she loved him.

She headed for the stairs, but his voice stopped her in her tracks before she even took one step.

"We have the benefit tonight," Damon's voice was detached, just like everything else he did that had to do with her. She was just a monumental fuck up. She was the only mistake he'd made in his near-perfect life.

"I'm not sure I'll make it, I don't feel well," she said. Her voice was tired and strained.

"You haven't been 'feeling well' for weeks and we've known about this for months. You know how important it is to me," he said, his voice raising slightly. It was probably as much emotion as she'd ever get out of him. But something in his words set her off. She hated him for brushing off her illness as a little thing. If only he knew. It was almost laughable. Almost.

"Why don't you just take your mistress?" She shot at him with as much venom as her energy would allow. She felt a small satisfaction at how his eyes lit up with anger. It meant that she finally succeeded in making him feel something toward her other than his cold attitude.

"Dammit Elena!" He shouted as his fist collided with the wall next to her head, "When are you going to stop punishing me for that?"

The sound of fury in his voice almost made her smile. She was so messed up that she had to get her husband angry in order for him to respond to her at all. Him being angry is how she'd gotten them into yet another mess.

"When I get the image of you and my best friend half naked on _my_ couch. In _my_ home!" She yelled back. The memories of that day haunted her.

She'd just had another normal day. Well, her definition of normal. Her life was slowly spinning out of control and she felt him slipping through her grasp by the second. She pushed him too far. She lied to him and then she was punished by the universe. Her life was feeling like it was on a one way track to hell.

She was supposed to spend the day out with her brother, her Aunt Jenna and her Uncle John. Her three only living relatives she had. They were trying to cheer her up, but she just didn't feel like it. So she'd bailed early and looked forward to an empty house.

Her heart dropped when she saw his car in the driveway. She didn't know how to face him. It had been a whole week since their explosive argument in the kitchen that led to a frenzied and angry coupling, right there in their kitchen. She'd successfully avoided him for days, still not knowing how to act or what it meant for them.

She quietly opened the door, assuming that Damon was asleep. She didn't want to wake him mostly because she didn't want to face him in the light of day.

As she opened the front door she heard a rustling sound coming from the living room and her curiosity got the better of her. She moved through the house, her front door wide open until she reached the living room.

There was her husband, shirtless, and an equally naked Andie writhing against each other while their lips were infused in a passionate kiss. Her first thought was that he hadn't kissed her like that in months. He hadn't touched her so gently and carefully. He hadn't made love to her. She almost laughed at her initial reaction. If she hadn't been so horrified.

She stood and watched them for a few more seconds before the reality of the situation sank in. Her mind went blank and her keys fell to the ground. She didn't even remember holding them.

Both heads on the couch snapped up at the sound and she saw the mortified looks on both their faces. She finally found her voice as Damon worked to cover Andie.

"Don't bother, I've been standing here for a while so I pretty much saw it all," she spat.

"Elena," Andie started, she moved herself from under Damon's body and put her shirt on in record time.

"Don't even speak to me. Don't look at me," Elena seethed, "Just get the fuck out of my house."

Both Damon and Andie stood frozen in their living room.

"NOW!" Elena screamed.

Andie jumped at the volume of her voice and quickly moved past her to get out of the house. Elena moved further into the room when something caught her attention. She slowly picked it up and examined what she found.

"Oh, Andie," Elena called, she watched as Andie froze and slowly turned to face her, "You forgot your bra."

Elena's voice held no emotion as she threw it at the woman who once was her best friend. She didn't bother looking at Damon as the door slammed.

"Elena," he said, his voice was soft. Softer than she'd ever heard it in the past few months.

She turned to look at him, still shirtless and his hair a mess. How could he stand there after what had just happened and her body still want him. But instead of saying anything, hot tears finally rolled down her cheeks. Without a word she turned away from him and climbed the stairs to their room where she locked herself in and cried the rest of the day.

It was all her fault. She lied. She pushed him into that. She's the reason he had to seek comfort in the arms of her best friend. She couldn't even carry a child without messing it up and losing it. She couldn't even have a husband that stayed faithful to her.

Just as she'd done that day, she turned away from him without a word and headed up to her room, but as she reached the landing she turned to face him. He stood in the same spot at the bottom of the stairs staring up at her.

"I'm pregnant," she finally said, her voice detached, "I thought you'd like to know."

She watched his face go pale as her words sank in. She didn't bother to stick around for his response. She didn't want to know. So she continued down the hall and locked herself in her room to sleep the day away and try to forget the hellhole her life had become.

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><p>Pregnant. His wife was pregnant. He couldn't believe it. As if they didn't have enough strain on their marriage.<p>

He wished he knew how they got like this. They'd been so happy. They laughed with each other, they were crazy in love. He was never able to take his hands off her, he always had to be touching her in some way, like she kept him grounded. She was always so strong and brave. Sometimes when he looked at her these days, he felt like he was looking at a stranger.

He dropped onto the chair she'd sat in earlier and dropped his head in his hands. How had they gotten so far off track? So far off that he turned to another woman for comfort. What kind of man did that make him? It made him just like his father. That thought alone made him sick. He was so disgusted with himself for that, he couldn't look in a mirror for days.

He remembered the first day when she seemed elated. She had spent a few weeks singing around the house, smiling at him, baking, the whole nine yards. He would feel happy just walking into their home. She filled it with warmth and joy that was almost palpable, but then one day it all just disappeared. He didn't know why or how, all he knew was that she was pushing him away. He fought it with all his strength, but she just pulled further away from him.

It was breaking him down. It almost hurt to be in their home, it was cold, uninviting, and suffocating. He would spend as much time as possible at the station. Then he ran into Andie one day and they sat down to coffee and she made him feel something again. She would respond to him and engage in conversation with him, something- at that time- Elena never did.

They slept in the same bed, but it felt as if there were miles between them. He tried to break through, but she would just lash out at him. Soon he just gave up and sought comfort in another's arms.

He knew it was wrong the whole time, every time he saw her he knew it was wrong. Every time her touch lingered just a little too long he knew he needed to stop her, but didn't. He never protested her advances. He knew it was wrong, but he never stopped her. He knew he only felt for her because she gave him the attention that he craved from Elena.

He almost enjoyed punishing her. She was destroying him from the inside out and she wouldn't even tell him what was wrong. Sometimes he wondered if he was the reason behind her sudden change. Maybe he did something, said something. But whenever he tried to find out, he got shot down.

Nothing prepared him for the look on her face when she caught them. The look on her face alone practically ripped his heart in half. He'd made a monumental mistake. Sometimes he tried to blame her. Sometimes he justified his actions, saying that she basically forced him into this. He knew it was wrong, but sometimes he was just so angry with her. He was hurting and she didn't even care. She didn't even notice.

Sometimes he wondered if she even loved him anymore.

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><p><strong>Reviews are love!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your amazing reviews! I know there are a lot of questions you have that aren't answered yet, and some won't be for a while. But hang tight! And I had some questions on whether this will end happily. Let's just say I'm a sucker for happy endings. :] however the journey will not always be rainbows and butterflies.**

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><p>"Elena?" Jenna asked as she opened her front door. She couldn't think of anyone else to go to. One look at her aunt's face all her fears came rushing back and tears immediately ran down her cheeks.<p>

"Oh, Elena," Jenna cried as she pulled her niece into a hug. Elena cried into Jenna's shoulder, reveling in the comfort she'd never find in her own home. They stood there for several moments before Jenna finally pulled her inside and into the living room. Jenna's husband Alaric walked in to see what was going on, but Jenna waved him off quickly.

They sat in silence for a few moments while more tears flowed down Elena's face. She wasn't sure how she'd manage to keep crying. She felt like she'd been crying for days. She had been crying for days. Damon had left the house as soon as she dropped the bomb on him and he hadn't been back. She assumed he was staying at the fire station.

Jenna waited patiently, knowing that she was here for a reason. She also knew not to push Elena. She learned her lesson a few months ago when she'd pushed Elena to tell her what was upsetting her, but Elena snapped at her and didn't talk to her for almost two weeks. She'd never make that mistake again.

"Jenna, he hates me," she whispered, her voice breaking.

"No, he doesn't," Jenna said, wrapping her arms around Elena.

"Yes he does and it's my fault," she wept, "I pushed him away, I didn't tell him what was wrong, I pushed him into _her_ arms."

"Elena," Jenna pulled back and held her at arms length, "You did not push him into Andie's arms. He is a grown man and he made that choice all on his own."

"I've been so horrible to him. Sometimes I want to be horrible to him," she cried before her voice dropped to a whisper, "Sometimes I want to hate him."

"Oh, honey," Jenna said, pulling her into her arms once more.

"It's my fault we ended up like this. It's all my fault and now I've only made it worse," she sobbed into her aunt's shoulder.

"What happened?" Jenna asked finally.

Elena pulled away and wiped at her eyes with a tissue Jenna provided her.

"I'm pregnant," Elena said sadly, "God, we can't even take care of ourselves. How are we going to be parents?"

"You guys will figure it out, you always do," Jenna said, patting her hand.

"Not this, Jenna, you don't see the way he looks at me," she paused for a moment before her eyes went wide and she gasped, "What if he wants out?"

"He's not going to divorce you," Jenna said firmly.

"You don't know that," Elena cried, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks, "Oh god, what if he leaves me. I'll be a divorced single mother at 26."

"Elena, you guys will get through this," Jenna said, "You just need to learn to communicate and be honest with each other."

"We can't even say two sentences to each other without it turning into an argument," Elena said, she breathed out an exasperated sigh.

"You guys have hurt each other plenty the last few months, it's understandable," Jenna comforted her.

"What if he isn't ready for the truth?" Elena asked, "Once he knows what I've lied to him about, he'll never look at me the same again. Who am I kidding, he doesn't even look at me now. He hasn't touched me in months!"

Jenna's heart broke for her niece. She knew there wasn't anything she could say that would lessen her pain. It killed her that she couldn't help.

"He hates me so much," she cried.

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><p>"I thought I'd find you here," Alaric said as he sat on the bar stool next to Damon.<p>

Damon only smiled and lifted his glass toward Alaric before downing the remainder of the liquid in the glass.

"Want to talk about it?" Alaric asked, before ordering himself a drink and another for Damon.

"What is there to talk about?" He asked nonchalant, but Ric knew better. His eyes held the same heartbroken look he'd been sporting for months now. Only today, it seemed worse. Everything in his body language looked exhausted, he was a shell of the man he once knew. The man who would do anything to marry Ric's niece. The man who pursued her for almost a year. The man who was so head over heels in love with a woman who felt exactly the same for him.

"I don't know. Maybe there is a reason my niece is at my house in tears," Ric said a little defensively. Damon may be his best friend, but Elena was his family. He and Jenna practically raised her after her parents passed away.

"What do you want me to say, Ric?" Damon turned to face him with fire in his eyes, "That I screwed up again and knocked up my wife who has barely said seven words to me in the past months? That when she does speak to me, it's only to make sure I don't forget a mistake I made?"

"Damon, you almost slept with her best friend," Ric said quietly.

"God! I know that!" Damon exploded, not caring who heard, "You don't think I know that? That it doesn't haunt me everyday? That because it happened my wife refused to even sleep in the same bed as me?"

As much as Ric hated the fury of Damon's words, he knew they were finally getting somewhere.

"I wish I just knew what I did all those months ago to make her push me away," his voice was sad and broken, "She's having my child and I can't even be happy because we are so fucked up. I want to fix things so badly, but there is a part of me that doesn't. It's selfish, but sometimes I just want to leave, to get out and leave it all behind."

"Damon," Alaric said, worry evident in his tone.

"I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to leave her," Damon whispered, "I just don't know how to fix this. She won't even talk to me. Hell, she won't even look at me. She's never once gotten mad at me for the Andie thing. She's only spoken about it a handful of times, but she's so detached. Sometimes I just wish she'd yell at me, slap me, call me all the names in the book. I can't handle her silence. It's killing me, Ric."

Tears filled Damon's eyes and he looked away quickly to hide them, but Ric knew better.

"That house is suffocating. I dread the moment I have to walk in and be accosted with her broken gaze and her silence. I just want to love her so badly, but I don't know how anymore. She won't let me," he said quietly, "I just want my wife back."

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><p>Most normal people would think his job was hard. Running into burning buildings without a second thought, risking his life for people he'd never met, but for Damon, his job was easy. It was real life that was hard. He could save complete strangers, but he had no idea how to save his own marriage. Their marriage was on fire and dangerously close to burning to the ground, yet he had no idea what to do about it. How to save it. If he wanted to save it.<p>

Sometimes when he was feeling really morbid, he almost wanted to stand back and watch it burn, killing them both in the process. He knew he'd never do that, he'd do everything in his power to save them, but sometimes he felt like he'd tried everything. As much as he wanted to fix them, if Elena didn't, there was nothing he could do about it. What hurt the most is that he didn't think she wanted to fix it. Maybe if she did, she'd try a little harder, she'd tell him why she pushed him away, why she never let her emotions show in front of him. She didn't trust him, it didn't take an engineer to figure that out. She was so guarded around him and it killed him that he broke her heart when he'd vowed that it was the one thing he'd never do.

He stood staring at the burning building they were called to. He wondered if he would have a job if all buildings were fireproof. What would things be like if his own marriage was fireproof? That building, that was going to be easy to save. The people on the third floor, pretty simple to save. But his marriage? His heart? From where he stood, it seemed pretty impossible.

Instead of wondering how he could easy run through a burning building and not into the problems in his marriage, he did the only thing he knew. He hiked his gear higher on his shoulder and ran right into the fiery inferno that blazed in front of him.

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><p>"Alright, Mrs. Salvatore, are you ready to get started?" Her OB doctor asked.<p>

She only nodded, it was only her first appointment and she was only about six weeks along, but she was still so anxious. What if something was wrong? What if she messed it all up again?

"Is Mr. Salvatore coming today?" Dr. Fell asked.

"No, he's working," she answered. He was really working, but in all honesty, she never mentioned it to him. They hadn't said two words to each other since she told him about the pregnancy, mostly because she'd hardly seen him.

The appointment went normally. Elena breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor told her everything looked good. She'd come back in a few weeks to hear the heartbeat and a few weeks after that they'd hopefully see the baby on the ultrasound. Her spirits lifted considerably after her appointment. So far so good. It was the mantra she had been repeating to herself the entire appointment.

Her spirits stayed high until she pulled into her driveway, where they immediately dropped at the prospect of entering her house. Damon's car was in the driveway and she didn't think she could handle the silence.

She steeled herself and got out of her car and entered the house with her breath frozen in her lungs. She saw Damon in the kitchen sitting at the table. His head snapped up when she shut the door.

"Hi," he said timidly. She stared at him for a few moments before she realized he was waiting for a response.

"Hi," she said back quietly, taking slow steps toward the kitchen.

"What were you up to today?" He asked hesitantly. Their relationship was so fragile that just a few words would break it into thousands of pieces. They'd been walking this narrow line for too long that soon they'd be out of luck.

"I had a doctor's appointment for the baby," she said quietly, cursing herself for not telling him. His face fell at her revelation. She'd gone without him. They were so far gone that she didn't even tell him about their baby's first appointment.

"Oh," was his only response. She could have sworn she heard disappointment in his voice, the sound made her heart feel a little lighter. The tension in the room was a strange one, they'd never spoken this many words to another without a fight exploding from it. They were both trying to hard to keep it from resulting in that again.

"I knew you had to work, so that's why I didn't tell you," she was shocked that she was trying to make him feel better. The disappointment in his voice set something off in her and all she wanted to do was take that fallen look off his face.

"Oh ok, well when is your next appointment?" He asked quietly, his hands fidgeting nervously on the table. He was still waiting for the entire conversation to go up in flames, isn't that what happened when they played with fire?

"It's in four weeks, on the 15th," she said softly.

"Well," he started awkwardly, "If you want, I can make sure I have that day off and go with you. If you want."

He cursed himself for sounding so stupid. His words ran together and he stuttered for the first time in years. He was so nervous, his hands were shaking. He was just waiting for everything to break, everything in the room felt like it was on edge just waiting for the fallout.

To say she was shocked at his words would be an understatement. She was floored. It was a huge step that they hadn't even yelled once yet, but that he offered to go to the appointment with her was groundbreaking.

For the first time in months, he saw the corners of her mouth twitch upwards into a small smile.

"Ok," she agreed.

This was it, he was finally taking a chance and running into the thick of their burning marriage.

He was absolutely petrified.

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><p><strong>That's progress right? The next chapter is basically written so don't fear. I'll be updating Closer than Most in the next few days, then this will get an update. Thanks for reading! Tell me what you thought!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow. I'm so floored by the response to this story! I'm so happy by the amount of love you guys have shown for it! Thank you! And to thank you, here is a chapter with a little ray of light in the raging storm of this story. **

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><p>"<em>Are you ever going to speak to me?" Damon's angry voice echoed through the kitchen. They had eaten in their same usual silence as always as they ate. As soon as they finished, Elena had jumped up and started straight into the dishes.<em>

_The way she avoided him had been brewing anger in him for weeks. She was pushing him away, she would hardly speak to him and he was sick of it. He wanted his wife back, the bubbly, smiling, and warm woman he married only two years ago. They told each other everything, they were each others best friends. He wondered when that had changed. Maybe he was being punished for seeing Andie every once in a while. They would only talk, he would justify._

_Elena's tense back alerted him that his voice may have been too harsh. Yelling at Elena was never the way to go about things, especially when she seemed so fragile. The look in her eyes as she turned to face him was heart wrenching. All he wanted was to take her in his arms and take away her pain. Hell, he just wanted to touch her, to feel her skin on his hands, to press his lips against hers and take reality from her just for a little while. But as soon as he saw the pain in her eyes, it was gone and she was back to her cold exterior. It infuriated him._

"_What are you talking about?" Her voice sounded shaky, even to her. She was so petrified that one day she would give into him and spill the one thing that he would absolutely hate her for. She hated herself for it. It was her fault after all. She's the one who got pregnant, she's the one who had to wait until she knew for sure before she told him, she's the one who lost the baby the day before she planned to surprise him. Sometimes it felt like it never existed. Sometimes she wished that it never existed._

_Thoughts of what could have been would haunt her every moment of everyday, and just seeing Damon's face reminded her that he didn't know. He didn't know he would have had a child if not for her. She should've told him, she shouldn't have waited no matter how sure she wanted to be. Yet somehow the miscarriage justified her actions, she saved him from the sheer heartache that followed her around every day. Sometimes she told herself that she was protecting him. She could handle the pain, but she would never handle seeing it on Damon's face. But somehow she managed to put it there by herself just fine. _

"_Dammit, Elena," Damon fired at her, "You know damn well what I'm talking about."_

"_Maybe you should cool off before we talk anymore," she deflected. _

"_No, Elena," he yelled walking close to her and placing his hands on either side of the counter, effectively trapping her. "Are you leaving me? Do you not want me?" His voice dropped so low, she almost didn't hear him, but the pain was almost deafening._

"_What? No, god no!" Her voice raised in panic, that thought had never crossed her mind._

"_Well there is a reason you've been pushing me away. What did I do wrong?" His pained voice raised a little._

"_You didn't do anything, ok?" She said as she tried to push out of the cage his arms created._

"_No, you are not running away from this conversation, Elena," he said, his voice firm and his arms set stronger around her._

"_I don't know what you want me to say," she said defiantly, crossing her arms over her chest. They stood there breathing heavily for several tension-filled minutes. _

_Damon's eyes suddenly softened before he whispered, "Just tell me you love me."_

_She barely had time to register what he had said before his lips were against hers, moving feverishly, trying to coax her out of her cold shell. It was the first time they had kissed in months and her body was as responsive as ever to his touch. Her body had missed him, missed the way his arms fit perfectly around her, the way he pulled her to him as if she couldn't get closer to him. She missed him, plain and simple. _

_His body pressed into hers, pushing her back against the counter as his lips worked their magic on hers, pushing them open and sliding his tongue to meet hers. Her hands clung to the fabric of his shirt on their own accord. She needed something to hold onto before she was completely swept away. That didn't last long, because as soon as he slipped her dress off her body, she was done for. She immediately pulled his shirt off before placing her hand at the back of his neck and pulling him closer._

_He responded to her instantly, his hands were everywhere at once, tracing her flat stomach, the swell of her breasts, following her clavicle, and running down her smooth back. Her hands followed his, they traced the strong muscles and she loved the way they jumped under her touch. He blazed kisses down her neck as he hastily removed the rest of her clothing before lifting her onto the counter. _

_She was lost in his touch, lost in everything about him. Her heart swelled at the sounds she could still elicit from him, they drove her insane in the best way possible. Maybe fixing them would be easy, maybe there was nothing to fix, just a bump in the road for them. Maybe everything would be alright. So as he pressed himself into her, she uttered the three words he'd almost begged to hear._

"_I love you," she whispered into the skin on his shoulder. She could feel the rest of his apprehension melt away as he moved with her. _

"_I love you, too," he whispered back to her as they fell over the edge together, looking right into her eyes. In that moment, she never realized how much she needed to hear those words from him. In that moment, she let herself think that everything would be ok. _

_They would survive this._

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><p>They had been treading on thin ice for a week. They'd spoken more words to each other that week than they'd spoken in almost eight months. She wondered if maybe, just maybe they could finally fix them. Then she'd remind herself what happened the last time she let herself think that, she walked in on her husband and her best friend. But no, she wasn't the victim, she held her own secrets that would hurt him more than he could ever hurt her.<p>

She knew if they were going to fix things, they had a lot to talk about, but she just wasn't ready to hear the truth and she knew he wasn't either. If they survived the past months, the truth would surely be the catalyst in ending them forever. She didn't know if she could handle that, so she settled for the barely-there relationship they were harboring only because they didn't want to deal with the consequences of what would happen if one of them decided they didn't want it anymore.

They still hadn't slept in the same bed since the Andie situation and they hadn't touched each other since that night in the kitchen. She was part of the reason they never touched, she couldn't handle giving herself over to him like that again and then being reminded of what he did with _her_. It was far too painful. She had so many things she needed to ask him, she needed to hear from his mouth before she could even contemplate their marriage being fixed. She knew that once she demanded honesty from him, she would have to reciprocate.

She barely noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks until she heard the front door opening. She quickly tried to wipe them away when he appeared in the doorway of the living room where she was folding laundry. Her eyes could hardly resist him, he was so beautiful, lounging against the opening to the living room, his hair was ruffled and his black t shirt clung to him like a second skin. She had to shake her head to get herself back on track.

"Hi," he said quietly, not knowing how to approach her. They'd been so careful with their words the last week, but it was more effort they'd put into their marriage in months.

"Hi," she responded, she tried to avoid his gaze by busying herself with placing all the now folded clothes in the laundry basket.

"Are you ok?" He asked after a few quiet moments. He could tell she'd been crying when he walked in, they may hardly talk, but he could still read her pretty easily.

"I'm fine, just hormones," she shrugged as she stood with the basket to take the clothes upstairs. The nagging voice in her head was telling her that if she didn't get her question answered now, she never would. And if she didn't ask, they could never work to repair their marriage.

Hormones. The word brought back the reality of their situation. She was pregnant. Pregnant with his child. It wouldn't matter if he wanted out, he could never leave his child. Maybe the pregnancy was a blessing in disguise, maybe it was the one thing that would bring them back together, that would force them to hash out their issues and learn to trust each other again.

"Damon," she said quietly when she reached the hall, he was halfway down on his way to the kitchen, but he stopped when he heard his name uttered from her lips. A sound he had missed so badly. He turned almost immediately to look at her. Her face was sad and he could see uncertainty in her eyes.

"Did you sleep with her?" Her voice came out as a whisper because she feared if it was spoken too loud it would bring the walls down.

"No, I didn't," he said quietly. He was almost thankful that she had caught them that day. It gave him the push he needed to swear Andie off forever. The hope he saw in her eyes was elating. For the first time in months he truly felt like they could fix this. They really could do it.

"Elena," he called before she could head up the stairs, "I want to fix this."

A small smile graced her lips and his heart soared, "I do too."

"You do?" His voice was almost disbelieving, but it had a small ray of hope in it.

"Of course I do," she said passionately, it was the most emotion he'd heard in her voice since that night in their kitchen.

"Ok," he nodded with a small smile, "We'll try to fix this. It won't be easy."

"I know," she nodded. He turned to head back to the kitchen but her small voice stopped him once more. "Damon," he turned to face her and saw what he thought was insecurity on her beautiful face, "If you don't want to sleep in the guest bedroom anymore, you don't have to."

He had to physically stop himself from doing a happy dance. She really wanted to fix them, they were really going to take that chance and work things out.

"Ok," was all he could manage with a small smile and nod of his head. She turned and started back up the stairs feeling more hope than she'd ever remembered feeling. But something loomed on the edge of that hope threatening to bring it down. He was honest with her. He told her the truth and soon she'd have to do the same. It was the truth that would truly threaten to send everything they have into oblivion.

So she laid in her bed that night, opting to go to sleep early, she was reminded of all the things they still needed to fix. She started to feel the same hopelessness she always did when she thought of how far they'd have to go to get back on track. They had hurt each other so badly, but she felt like her secret was the ultimate betrayal. She was unsure if he would ever be able to forgive her and that thought alone was devastating. She was about to surrender to the same darkness that claimed her and haunted her every night when she heard their bedroom door quietly open. She heard his soft footsteps padding across the room and into the bathroom.

The simple sounds of him moving about their bathroom brought a calmness upon her and her tears subsided as she got lost in the sound of him showering, the toilet flushing, him brushing his teeth, and finally the sound of the light being clicked off and his footsteps falling softly on the carpet of their room. She felt the almost-foreign feel of the bed dipping with his weight and she heard his soft sigh of contentment as he snuggled back into his spot for the first time in almost two months.

So instead of dwelling in the sadness of things that were to come, she decided to revel in the moment. So she reached out behind her as her hand sought his. Her fingers tangled in his and pulled his hand around her small waist. He easily complied and spooned his chest against her back, pressing his face into her hair. He took a deep breath and enjoyed the smell of her hair, how her body fit perfectly against his, and how finally, he felt like things were going to be ok.

She pressed her back further into him and got lost in the feel of his arms holding her protectively. She smiled to herself before she surrendered herself to sleep and for the first time in months, she fell into a deep sleep free of her haunting memories.

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><p><strong>A little bit of happiness for you! Once again, thanks again for the love you've shown for the story! You guys are amazing. The next chapter is basically done. I'll update my other fic, Closer than Most first, then I'll be back to update this one.<strong>

**You can follow me on twitter: rachellebelle08**

**Reviews are love!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for your amazing reviews. You guys spoil me! All your words make my heart happy.**

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><p>He almost feared his house more now than he ever had. Things were holding on by a small, minuscule thread and he was afraid that one day he'd walk in and it would all come crashing down. At least when they didn't speak, they knew where they stood with one another, but now, they had no idea. Every move he made he felt like he was walking on eggshells. Of course, he was happy that things were slowly getting better, but there was so much they had to discus. They avoided it at all costs because neither of them wanted to ruin the tentative peace they found with each other.<p>

How would they raise a child while their relationship was barely holding on? How could he be a good father when he was so close to being unfaithful to his wife? How could he raise a child when he couldn't even fix his relationship with the one person he loved more than life itself?

"Everything ok?" A soft voice came from behind him. He didn't bother turning around and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her take a seat on the stool next to him and order a soda.

"What do you want, Andie?" He asked, not even looking at her.

"I saw you from across the bar, I'm just making sure you aren't going to drown yourself," she said, her voice was a little hurt. A twinge of guilt went through him.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not in a good place," he said, the alcohol taking over.

"I take it things with Elena aren't going very well," she said, realizing that's why he was in the bar in the first place.

"She's pregnant," he sighed defeatedly.

"Wow, that's huge," she said, not sure if she should be excited or concerned.

"We can't even fix our relationship, how are we supposed to raise a child?" He asked in a broken voice, then his voice dropped to a whisper, "I don't even know if I want the baby."

She felt so awful for the torn man in front of her, but there was nothing she could do to help him. All she wanted was to take away his pain, she just wanted to make him feel her love for him.

"You don't mean that," she said finally.

"Yeah, I do," he said softly, "I'm so fucked up. I can't even enjoy the pseudo-peace we've established because I'm just waiting for it all to come to blows."

"You don't trust her anymore," Andie deduced.

"No, I don't," he chuckled humorlessly.

"Ever think that maybe it's time to throw in the towel?" She asked quietly, "Maybe move on with someone that you do trust and that loves you completely?"

Silence settled on the pair while the implications of her words set in. Her suggestion finally hit him.

"What?" He asked as he turned to face her, confusion filling his eyes. Which she mistook for something else.

"She doesn't deserve you, Damon," she said softly, placing her hand high on his leg, "You deserve someone who won't push you away, who will love you completely."

"You're telling me I should leave my wife?" He asked incredulously, to which she nodded. He took her hand in his and pulled her face close to his, she would've been pleased if not for the deadly fire in his eyes, "Let me make this clear, when I ended things, I meant it. I love my wife. How dare you try to take advantage of our issues!" He hissed at her. "I never loved you and I never will. I made a mistake. You were a mistake."

Her eyes filled with tears as she opened her mouth to respond, but another shrill voice interrupted her.

"DAMON SALVATORE," the voice bellowed across the bar. He still held Andie's wrist as his head swiveled in the direction of the voice. He knew who it was without looking. The tiny blonde stood a few feet behind them with her hands on her hips and a look that could turn stone into ash.

"Get your filthy claws off of him," she hissed, her death glare directed on the woman next to him. He released her wrist, not realizing he still had it trapped in his steel grip. Once she saw the woman move a good distance away from him, she turned her gaze on him. He could almost feel his bones rattle with the amount of venom in her stare.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" She cried in an outrage, eyeing his empty glass on the bar behind him. He was still too afraid to speak for fear she'd cut his tongue off or something equally as extreme. That woman's wrath could level most of North America. He wasn't sure how his brother managed to marry her and stay married to her.

"I've tried to call you about a hundred times. And to top it off, I just received a panicked call from your wife asking if you had caught on fire because you won't answer her calls," Caroline spat at him like a circus performer would spit fire. At the mention of Elena, he remembered why he was at the bar in the first place.

A string of curses left his mouth as he jumped up to gather his things. It was supposed to be one drink to calm his nerves before he met her at the doctor's office.

"I'm not sure why you're in such a rush. You already missed the appointment," Caroline said as she crossed her arms over her chest and not missing an opportunity to shoot Andie one last death glare before she got the hint to leave them be.

"Caroline," Damon said, trying to calm her down.

"You have so much explaining to do," Caroline narrowed her eyes at him, "Like why you missed hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time because you were drowning yourself in alcohol with the woman who almost ripped apart your marriage?"

"Andie didn't ruin our marriage, Caroline," Damon hissed, "You know damn well that wasn't it."

"Don't you start that with me, Damon," she warned, "I know as much as you do as to why she became so detached, but she's obviously trying to fix things, Damon. That's more than I can say for you right now."

With that, she shot him one more deadly look before she turned on her designer heel and stormed out the way she came.

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><p>"Mrs. Salvatore, are you ready?" She'd been staring at her phone for the past ten minutes and dialed his number countless times.<p>

"Just a little longer?" Elena asked the physician's assistant with sad eyes, "He might have gotten caught up with an emergency at work." The assistant thought it over for a minute before nodding and disappearing back behind the door she came through.

Elena stared at her phone praying that it would ring. Her mind kept flashing to images of Damon stuck in a burning building saving a small child, him pushing someone out of a building before himself as it collapsed on top of him. She knew the dangers of being a firefighter's wife. And as proud as it made her that he saved innocent people, she still worried endlessly about him putting someone's life over his and paying the ultimate price. So days like these, when she couldn't get ahold of him freaked her out. Especially because she knew he wouldn't miss this for the world. For as hard as things have been the past eight months, he was making an effort. A real effort and so was she.

So she dialed the only person who could tell her for sure if Damon was alright, or even alive. And if she didn't know, she would find out. She pressed send and held the phone to her ear. She drummed nervously on her leg until she heard her pick up.

"_Hello?"_

"Caroline?" She asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"_What's wrong, Elena?" _Caroline's voice immediately taking on a worried tone.

"It's Damon," she started, but had to stop when her voice cracked.

"_What happened?"_ Caroline asked.

"He's supposed to be at my appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat, but I can't get ahold of him. What if something happened to him at work?" Elena said, her words coming out quickly as her anxiety took over.

"_Elena, calm down. Take a deep breath. I'll find him,"_ Caroline said and with that, she hung up.

"Elena?" She looked up to see Dr. Fell standing in the doorway that led to the examination rooms, "We can't wait any longer." Her eyes were apologetic and Elena nodded before following her back through the maze of hallways and exam rooms.

"Anything changed since we last met?" Dr. Fell started as they entered the small room and she shut the door behind them.

"No, nothing, just a lot of morning sickness," Elena said as she sat on the exam table and let her eyes dart around the room before they fell to her hands in her lap.

"Elena," Dr. Fell said as she placed her hand over Elena's, "You need to relax. Damon's fine. You worry too much."

Elena nodded and laid back against the table and lifted her shirt. Dr. Fell got out the doppler machine. She moved the small end of the machine around her stomach and soon the room filled with a small sound, almost like the sound of a galloping horse. Immediately, Elena's eyes filled with tears and all her anxiety from the day faded in that moment. Her baby was real. There was a living human inside of her. Her heart swelled at the sound. She'd always thought that there was nothing she could love more than Damon. That small heartbeat disproved all of that and in turn, only made her love for Damon grow.

She was floating as she left the doctor's office. The shrill tone of her phone jolted her down from her high when she saw it was Caroline calling.

"Did you find him?" She asked as soon as she answered.

"_How was the appointment?"_ Caroline asked instead of answering.

"You're deflecting, Caroline," Elena scolded before adding, "It was so amazing. Hearing the heartbeat just made it real."

"_I'm so excited for you!"_ Caroline squealed into the phone.

"Now, where did you find him?" Elena asked. She knew since Caroline was deflecting, he obviously hadn't caught on fire or got trapped under the rubble of a collapsed building.

"_I don't want to tell you,"_ Caroline said quietly, her voice much less cheerful than it had been.

"Caroline," Elena warned.

"_I found him at the Grill," _she finally admitted.

"At the Grill?" Elena repeated.

"_At the bar more specifically," _Caroline trailed off.

"What are you not telling me?" Elena asked carefully.

"_He wasn't alone," _Caroline said sadly.

"Out with it, Caroline. Who was he with?" Elena asked, getting impatient.

"_He was with Andie," _Caroline admitted sadly. Whatever happiness had been floating inside Elena was immediately sucked out of her at that moment.

"What?" She whispered. Her heart that felt so full only minutes before, felt like it was breaking.

"_I'm so sorry, Lena. But I read him the riot act and I doubt she'll be hanging around him anymore after I finished with her," _Caroline tried to comfort her.

"Thanks, Care," Elena mumbled, still dazed at her revelation.

"_Do you need me to come over? Bring you anything?" _Caroline asked with concern coloring her tone.

"No, thanks though. I'll talk to you later," Elena said before hanging up. By the time she placed her phone back in her purse, she was pulling into her driveway. She said a silent thanks that Damon wasn't home.

She walked into the house and straight to her room without a second look at anything. She closed the door and immediately dropped to the ground and let the tears fall.

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><p>He walked up to his door and took a deep breath. He saw Elena's car in the driveway and knew things would not be happy. Nothing in life could prepare him for what he was about to walk into. He took one more breath before pushing the door open. The house was eerily quiet.<p>

He slowly crept further into the still house. He stood still for a moment, trying to hear where in the house she was. He searched the ground floor and found no signs of her. He climbed the stair slowly and froze when he walked by their room and heard her quiet sobs from the other side of the door.

Then what he did to her came rushing back. He made such a grand gesture, telling her that he wanted to be at the appointment. She was so excited, he could see it in the way her eyes lit up when he suggested it. And then he missed it. Not only because he was at the bar in the middle of the day, but because he was with Andie. He pictured her in the waiting room panicking because she was imagining all the horrible things that could've happened to him to make him miss it. She was probably imagining him laying in the hospital with 3rd degree burns everywhere or trapped in a burning building.

"Elena?" He said quietly through the door. He knew she heard him because her cries stopped and there was complete silence.

"Go away!" She yelled at him.

"Can you just open the door?" He asked, trying the knob, but finding it locked. He heard her fumbling around in the room before the door was ripped open and he was hit with the fire in her gaze. If Caroline could level North America, Elena's gaze in that moment could level the entire European continent.

"Please, just let me explain," he said quietly.

"No need, Caroline already beat you to it," she seethed.

"Elena, I'm so sorry. She just showed up there, I swear," he said, his heart hurt for her when he saw the hurt in her eyes behind all that fury.

"Save it, Damon," she cried, "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? I was picturing every possible scenario that could've kept you from our baby's appointment. It never crossed my mind that you would ditch me for her, after everything. I needed you, Damon." Her hand dropped to her stomach before her eyes flew up to his they were broken and devastated, "_We_ needed you."

The desperation in her voice threatened to take him to his knees. He messed up. He possibly just destroyed everything he ever wanted in life.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He had nothing to say to make her see how sorry he really was.

"Me too," she said sadly as she stepped backward into the room and shut the door in his face.

He turned and pressed his back against the closed door and sunk to the ground. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he listened to her soft cries from the other side of the door.

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><p><strong>What did we think? <strong>

**I'm surprised that after last night's episode I was able to write, but I put out a chapter for this story and my other story, Closer than Most. I'm pretty stoked about that! Thanks again for your reviews! You guys are the best!**

**_Follow me on Twitter: rachellebelle08_  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**The response I have gotten to this story has been astounding. You guys are loving this story as much as I am. And I get some sick satisfaction from making you cry. LOL! So here is the next chapter, I hope you guys like it.**

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><p>She woke up to a pounding headache. It felt like she had a hangover, but she knew she hadn't had any alcohol in months. Then she remembered the events from the day before and she felt even worse. She yelled at Damon and gave him no chance to explain. She was hurt and embarrassed and she took it out on him. Guilt hit her with the weight of a freight train. She rolled over in her bed and found the sheets empty. Tears threatened to prick her eyes as she thought he would've surely slept in their bed. After weeks sharing the same bed again, it felt even emptier without him there. She should've known better after what she said to him.<p>

She rolled out of bed and padded down the hall to check on him in their guest room. When she found it empty she realized he already left for work, which meant that she wouldn't get to see him for two days. She wouldn't get to apologize to him for two days. She had been awful to him, not only yesterday, but over the course of the last eight months.

She never meant to push him away after her miscarriage. She just fell so far into herself and into her own depression that she didn't want to drag him down with her. She knew eventually she would have to tell him about it, but she dreaded that day more than anything. It was the dread that always tempted her to push it off. He would be livid, she knew that. She was afraid that after how she treated him, it would be the final straw and she would be left with nothing. She wouldn't argue that she deserved it, but she was sure that would kill her.

She knew her reasons for keeping it a secret were invalid, but she could justify it to herself relatively easily. Her demons told her that he would see her as a disappointment, as someone who couldn't even keep a child alive- something that she was genetically built for. They would tell her that he would blame her, that he would think she killed their baby. Damon was the most understanding man in the world, but her insecurities kept her from seeing that anytime she thought of telling him the truth. She was being selfish, she knew good and well she was, but she couldn't ever bring herself to fix it. It was a weight she'd have to bear alone until the time came to break it to him.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts to get ready for the day. The hot stream of the shower did little to calm her troubled mind, but it relaxed her tense muscles and made her feel like she could better handle the day ahead. She toweled herself off and blow dried her hair until it hung rail straight down her back. She stared at the woman in the mirror for the longest time. She wasn't sure how Damon looked at her and still saw the woman he married, because she surely didn't. Her eyes no longer glittered with excitement; they were now dull frozen pools. Her hair wasn't as shiny and thick as it used to be, her skin looked dull and washed out despite her olive complexion. She averted her teary eyes when she realized she hated the woman who stared back at her.

The shrill sound of her phone ringing startled her from her self-deprecating thoughts. She hurried into her room to snatch the phone off the night stand and answer it.

"Hello?"

"_Hello! How is my favorite niece doing?_" Her Aunt Jenna's voice came through the speaker.

"I win by default, I'm your only niece," Elena tried to laugh but the it sounded forced, even to her ears.

"_Ok what's wrong?_" Jenna demanded. Elena held the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she moved to her closet to get dressed.

"Damon and I had a fight," she said sadly as she sifted through her drawer for a pair of jeans. She pulled her favorite pair up her legs only to find out that they no longer buttoned.

"_Well that's nothing new_," Jenna said.

"This one was different. Things have been kind of peaceful around here for a while," she explained as she tried on her largest pair of jeans. She let out a frustrated growl when she couldn't button those either.

"_What was that about?_" Jenna asked through the phone as Elena torn the jeans off her legs.

"None of my jeans fit," she sighed as she opted for a pair of yoga pants instead of humiliating herself by trying on all her jeans.

"_Well then I think it's time to go shopping_," Jenna said, Elena could hear the smile in her voice even over the phone. Jenna loved shopping, almost as much as Caroline enjoyed shopping. "_Or I can bring you over some of my old jeans from when I was pregnant with Tinsley_."

"I could use some new pants if I don't want to live the next nine months in yoga pants," Elena chuckled.

"_Ok I'll pick you up in ten_," Jenna said quickly before disconnecting the call.

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><p>He had once gotten used to sleeping alone. He didn't want to, but he did. He sucked it up because he knew it wouldn't last forever. But it didn't take him long to get used to sharing a bed with Elena again. Even just knowing she was within arms reach made his nights that much more bearable. He loved waking up in the middle of the night and just watching her sleep. It felt like the first few months of their marriage when he couldn't keep his eyes off her.<p>

So waking up alone that morning was miserable. He rolled out of the bed and jumped in the shower. He didn't want to spend more time in the house as needed. He felt awful for what happened the day before. He deserved her wrath and much more. He royally screwed up and he knew it. There was no way he couldn't. He jumped in the shower and dressed in record time. He didn't know if he could handle Elena's hurt eyes. They would surely break him.

He made it to the station relatively quickly and for the first time, he was dreading being there. All he wanted was to be home trying to make Elena forgive him.

"Hey, guys," Damon said as he reached the second floor living apartment.

"Hey, Damon," they all greeted back. Damon went straight for the couch to hopefully be distracted by the latest hockey game.

"You look down," Tyler Lockwood said as he flopped down on the couch next to him.

"Elena and I had a fight last night," he said as he dropped his head in his hands.

"Man, that sucks," Tyler said, clapping him sympathetically on the back.

"Tell me about it," Damon groaned in his hands, "I don't know what to do. I messed up pretty bad."

"Man," Captain Matt Donavan came over to them, "There is nothing a romantic dinner, flowers, and a heartfelt apology can't fix."

"I don't think it'll be that easy for this one," Damon said, still not looking up out of his hands.

"Trust me, just let her cool off while you're on shift, do what I told you and things will be good as new," Matt said.

Damon couldn't help but wish it was that easy. He didn't get to dwell on that too long because the alarm was going off and he had to rush into action. At least for him, this was easy. He was comfortable running off to the nearest emergency. What he found scary was his relationship. He didn't know where to go, or if he was ever doing the right thing.

So instead of letting his mind wander to the scary unknown, he threw on his fire suit, slid down the fire pole and climbed into his assigned truck. He let himself bask in the familiarity of his job as they raced down the road to the next emergency waiting for them.

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><p>Elena fished around her closet for a comfortable shirt before she slipped on a pair of flip flops and headed to the kitchen to eat a quick snack. About fifteen minutes later, she heard Jenna's horn outside.<p>

"Where's Tinsley?" Elena asked as she slid into Jenna's car.

"She's spending the day with Ric's parents," Jenna explained as she pulled the car onto the street. "I swear they spoil her too much," she grumbled.

"She's their first and only grandchild, of course they want to spoil her," Elena said with a twinge of sadness that her parents would never get to see their first grandchild.

Jenna seemed to catch onto her sadness and placed a comforting hand on Elena's knee, "I'm sorry. I was speaking without thinking again."

"It's ok, Jenna, don't worry about it," she smiled at her as they pulled into the local Target parking lot. Elena hiked her purse on her shoulder as they both got out and headed into the nearly empty store. Jenna grabbed them a shopping cart and they headed off toward the maternity section.

"So, what was this fight between you and Damon about?" Jenna asked as they rifled through the racks of clothing.

Elena sighed as she held up a pair of pants off the rack. She examined them a minute before putting them back and turning to Jenna. "He missed the heartbeat appointment."

Jenna's eyes immediately filled with pity. "I'm so sorry, Elena. Why did he miss it?"

"He was at the bar and Andie showed up," she said turning to another rack, not wanting to see her aunt's reaction.

"He was what?" She exclaimed.

"Caroline found him there and Andie was with him. I let him have it when he came home. He tried to explain what happened but I just wouldn't listen. I feel so horrible," Elena said sadly as she mindlessly picked through the maternity shirts folded on a table.

"You think she just showed up on her own without him inviting her?" Jenna asked from the other side of a clothing rack.

"I didn't at first, I was just blinded by my embarrassment and my anger that I didn't bother to think rationally. Now that I've thought about it, I do think that's what happened. He said he severed any ties with her after the incident. He said he never slept with her and I believe him," Elena said before holding up a pretty blue blouse, "What about this one?"

Jenna examined it before nodding, "I like it, you should try it on." Elena tossed it into their basked as Jenna continued, "I don't think he would purposely be around her either, but why would he miss the appointment? I thought he was excited about it?"

Elena sighed again as she tossed a few more items into the basket. "He was excited and he's really trying to fix things with us, but I think when the appointment came, he realized how scared and unprepared we are for this," Elena explained, "He was dealing with that fear the only way he knows how- with alcohol- and he lost track of time. And Andie showing up had to throw him for a loop."

"Did you tell him that?" Jenna asked.

"No, by the time I got up this morning, he already left for work," Elena said.

"Wow," Jenna said as she pushed their cart toward the fitting rooms.

"Wow what?" Elena asked suspiciously as she picked the largest fitting room and Jenna took a seat on the bench right outside of it.

"Just that you guys are really making an effort this time," Jenna said simply as Elena shed her yoga pants and pulled a pair of jeans up her legs. She smiled a little when they fit. She pulled her shirt off and tried on the blue blouse she found earlier.

"We really are," Elena agreed as she buttoned up the blouse, "I mean, we have so much that we still need to work out and I know we aren't done fighting, but last night I feel like we finally had a fight that got us somewhere." She explained as she stepped out of the changing room. "What do you think?" She asked as she spun slowly in front of Jenna.

"I like it," she smiled and Elena retreated back into the changing room to make sure the other clothes fit as well. "I'm so happy things are starting to get better. Maybe this baby was just the thing you needed to reevaluate your marriage."

"I think so. I just feel so guilty for how bad I treated him the last few months," Elena said as she pulled on a different pair of jeans, "I just don't look forward to the day we have to work out that issue and what caused it. It'll be a painful conversation for the both of us."

"Sometimes the most painful of conversations are the ones that will be the most helpful," Jenna said through the door.

"I'm just so scared that I'll tell him something and he'll realize that it's not worth it," Elena said sadly as she changed back into her own clothes, "I don't know what I would do if he decided he wanted out."

Elena pushed open the changing room door to see Jenna with stern eyes.

"Elena, you just can't think like that. Damon is a strong man and he loves you more than anything," she said, placing her hands on Elena's shoulders and looking her right in the eye, "He's not going to walk away."

"I don't deserve him," Elena said, dropping her eyes to her feet.

"You do," Jenna said firmly, "You need to convince yourself that you deserve him. Be the person he deserves."

"When did you get so good at this?" Elena said with tears in her eyes and a small laugh.

She shrugged with a smile, "Just a God-given gift, I guess."

They moved to the check-out together and Jenna waited while Elena paid for her new "fat pants" as she called them and her new blue blouse which she knew Damon would love. She smiled a little thinking of him. Maybe things were only going to keep getting better. She could only hope.

Just as she was grabbing her bag from the cashier, the shrill tone of her phone filled the air. She dug around in her purse and flipped it open without bothering to check who it was.

"Hello?" She asked.

"_Mrs. Salvatore?_" A gruff voice came through the speaker.

"This is she," she said, confused at who this person could be.

"_Mrs. Salvatore, this is Captain Donavan. I'm calling about your husband_," he spoke slowly and gently. Elena felt her heart start pounding in her chest. She was praying this wasn't the call she'd been dreading since she married Damon. She waited with baited breath for his next words.

"_There has been an accident_."

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><p><strong>I'm evil. I know, I know! But I'm excited to get started on the next chapter! <strong>

**So since you lovely people are just so lovely, I want to do something unique for my reviewers. So when you leave a review (thanks in advance!) I want you to tell me your name (or what you go by on the internet), your twitter (so I can follow you), something about yourself (a hobby, what you do, school, whatever you feel pressed to say), and finally, what you thought of the chapter (obviously!)**

**Because you guys have been amazing x1000 I wanted to get to know you guys personally. So drop a comment! Thanks again you guys, you really are awesome.**


	6. Chapter 6

**And I'm back! Thank you again for the reviews you've sent me. You guys are amazing. Really. And to those who gave me their twitters, I followed you guys! **

**I'd like to thank Sandra for reading through this chapter for me. Writing at one in the morning does nothing good for my punctuation and grammar. **

**Enjoy you guys!**

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><p>"Elena?" Her aunt's voice registered somewhere in the back of her mind, but she paid no attention to it.<p>

She was frozen where she stood. She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't move. She was surprisingly calm despite the fact that Captain Donovan's words echoed in her mind.

"Elena!" Jenna physically shook her, and she finally snapped out of her daze. That was the moment reality hit her at full force. Her mind could finally process what she had heard over the phone, her eyes welled up with tears, and her heart started to beat rapidly in her chest.

"Damon was in an accident," she whispered.

"What?" Jenna half shouted gaining dirty looks from the people around them.

"He's hurt, they're on their way to the hospital," Elena explained quietly.

"I'll drive you there," Jenna said quickly as she took Elena's arm and led her to the car.

The hospital wasn't a far drive from where they were, but it felt like an eternity. The scenery crept by in slow motion and all she could think about was that he was laying dead on a gurney somewhere thinking that she was mad at him. Tears slid silently down her face, and Jenna reached over and grasped her hand comfortingly.

After what seemed like a lifetime, they pulled up outside of the emergency room at Mystic Falls General Hospital. Elena was out of the car before Jenna could even put it in park. She rushed through the double doors in a frenzy.

"Where is my husband?" She asked in a panicked voice as she approached the check in desk.

"What is his name, ma'am?" The nurse asked her calmly.

"Damon, Damon Salvatore," she said quickly, glancing around the room for any sign of him.

"Yes, Mystic Falls General," Jenna said into her phone as she approached Elena at the desk. "We don't know what happened. I'll call you when we know, Ric." She hung up the phone and they waited while the nurse looked up Damon's information.

"Follow me, Mrs. Salvatore," the woman signaled her to follow.

She led them through a series of double doors and down a long hallway. Elena's anxiety grew with every step she took. Every door they passed, she would peek into to see if Damon was in it. She felt awful for the fight they'd had. It all seemed so stupid in the face of what was happening now. She had a right to be angry, but she didn't care anymore. She forgave him before he even entered their house that day. She didn't need to take out her anger and embarrassment on him like she did. She just prayed he was coherent, so she could apologize. She had been so awful to him the past eight months, and he deserved none of it. None of it was his fault. In that moment, she pledged to do what ever she could to fix them.

They finally neared the end of the long hallway and the nurse turned and led them through a set of double doors that led to the Intensive Care Unit. The woman gestured to the door that led to his room. Jenna sat in a chair in the hall to wait for her. Elena approached the door hesitantly and gently nudged it open. Her heart shattered at the sight in front of her.

Damon was laying in a hospital bed in the center of the room. His face was almost black from the soot and debris of what ever fire he had been fighting. He was shirtless and had bandages wrapped around his chest that was fluttering with his shallow breaths. Yet, somehow he still looked absolutely breath taking.

"Mrs. Salvatore," a voice said from behind her. She turned to see a man in a white lab coat, the pants of his scrubs showing from below it.

"Yes?" She responded quietly, trying not to disturb Damon.

"Dr. Hamilton," he said extending his hand to her. She shook it gently and he motioned her to sit in a chair near the corner.

"What happened?" She asked softly, her eyes staying on Damon's sleeping form.

"Captain Donovan said they were on a fire call, Damon was in the building checking to make sure it was empty. On his way out one of the supporting beams fell on him and crushed the left side of his chest and ribs," the doctor explained, and she couldn't stop the tears that stung her eyes.

"Is he going to be ok?" She whispered, her gaze flicking up to the doctor's face.

"Well, he has several broken ribs and a collapsed lung. There is no serious damage to his heart, despite the beam striking him on the left side of his chest. He has a few minor burns on his chest, and he inhaled a lot of smoke when his oxygen tank was severed in the collapse," the doctor said gently. His words were not lost on her.

Collapsed lung.

Broken ribs.

Smoke inhalation.

The room was slowly closing in on her as her mind went wild with worst-case scenarios.

"Will he be ok?" She asked again, peeling her watery eyes off Damon.

"We have placed a chest tube between his ribs to help drain the air in his chest cavity, and it will allow his lung to re-expand fully. We'll need to keep an eye on him to make sure his heart rate decreases, and to make sure his blood pressure doesn't drop, or to make sure he doesn't go into shock. His ribs will be the easiest part. They'll heal in about four to six weeks, at that point, we'll do another chest x-ray to be sure everything healed properly," the doctor explained slowly. "He'll be in here for the next few days for observation to be sure there are no infections to his lungs from the puncture, but he should come out the other end as good as new."

The relief that flooded her body almost knocked her to the floor. The tears in her eyes broke free and she smiled gratefully at the doctor as he quietly slipped out of the room.

She got up and moved to the chair right next to Damon's bed side and took his hand in hers as she sat down. His chest was moving so quickly with his elevated heart rate, but his face was peaceful. Her thumb rubbed small circles over the back of his hand.

"'Lena?" She perked up when she heard his gravely whisper. His eyes were opened just barely, but it was enough to see the bright blue of his irises that stood out against the dark ash on his face.

"Hi," she said with a small smile. He squeezed her hand softly as his lips twitched upwards.

"Lena," he sighed in relief when he realized that she really was sitting with him.

"I'm right here," she said with wet eyes, returning his squeeze with her own.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed sadly. She instantly knew what he was referring to.

She was already shaking her head. "No, I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions and I should've let you explain. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I wanted to be there so badly," he said, his breath coming out in pants.

"Me too," she whispered. His eyes flicked to her stomach and then back to hers.

"I didn't want her there," Damon said with conviction, "I told her to leave. I told her she was a mistake, Elena. I didn't want her there." His chest was heaving with exertion, and his voice started to get desperate. Her heart ached. She felt horrible that she jumped to the conclusion that he wanted to be with her.

"Shh, I know," she said, nodding her head. She tentatively reached out to him and ran her fingers lightly over his cheek. Her heart fluttered slightly when he leaned into her touch. She smiled a little at the fact that her touch still seemed to calm him even after they hadn't touched each other in months.

She pulled her hand away and noticed that some of the black ash on his face got onto her fingers. She stood up from her chair and searched the room for a wash cloth. Her eyes settled on one next to the sink. She filled a small bowl with warm water and carried both to his bed side. He watched her in silence and she could feel his gaze on her the entire time.

She dipped the cloth in the water and wrung out the excess. She moved the bowl to the bedside table as she sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. She raised her hand and started to wipe away the soot from his skin. His eyes were on her, but her eyes were concentrating on her work. If she let her gaze wander to his, she knew she'd be sucked in instantly.

Instead, she focused on the task at hand and continued to dip the cloth in the warm water and clear away the ash from his face. She slid the warm fabric across his cheek bone, over the bridge of his nose, around his eyes, across his forehead, and to the other side of his face. He laid perfectly still under her gentle hand.

His heart was pounding the entire time, and it had nothing to do with his injuries. He hadn't seen her with that much tenderness in her eyes in far too long. What Andie said was true, he didn't trust her with his heart after she had pushed him away for so long, but he couldn't deny the fact that he was still fiercely in love with his wife. Despite the past eight months, he could tell things had changed between them. Even the fight they had the night before felt different. Slowly, his wife was coming back to him, but he still had his reservations. He was scared of her pulling away again. He'd never be able to handle that, especially not after the baby would be born.

She let out a satisfied sigh when she finished and stood from the bed. His hand shot out and grabbed her arm before she could turn away.

"Elena, I-" her eyes fell on his and they were full of hope, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. He was scared. Scared of the things she could do to him. She could break him so easily. So he settled for something else to convey what she meant to him, "Thank you."

The words lit her eyes up and she smiled at him, a smile he hadn't seen in far too long. He watched her rinse the bowl and wring out the wash cloth she'd used on his face. His mind wandered to images of her pregnant. Her belly swollen with his child, her breasts full to prepare for the baby. The image of her stroking her stomach so affectionately the night before flashed in his mind and his heart swelled despite the fight they were in the middle of.

He vowed in that moment that he would never let his child or the woman carrying it down again. He would do everything he could to be there for her. He could've died that day and the thought of him abandoning her and his unborn child was enough to cripple him. He got lucky and he knew it. He was given a chance to make things right between them and he would do whatever he could to fix it.

He may not trust her, but he could. Their relationship wasn't unsalvageable, it could still be fixed and he would do all in his power to do so. It wouldn't be easy, he was aware of that and so was she, but he knew it would be worth it.

The day passed in a blur. Jenna and Alaric came and chatted for a while along with Stefan and Caroline. Damon was constantly wheeled in and out of the room for X-rays, pulmonary ultrasounds, and other things. Elena stayed in the chair most of the day. The times he was in the room, he was usually sleeping from all the pain medicine they had him on. The stress of the day was wearing her thin, it was hard to see him in pain. He looked so fragile, and it was something she'd never seen before. He was always so brave and strong. It hurt her to see him in a hospital bed. All she wanted was to take away his pain and make him better.

"Elena?" Someone called her name. She groaned and tried to ignore it.

She heard her name again and felt someone gently shaking her. She jolted up and was disoriented. It took her a few moments to realize where she was. She fell asleep with her head on the arm resting on the edge of Damon's bed. She looked around and saw Stefan and Caroline standing next to her.

"Hey, what time is it?" Elena asked in a groggy voice.

"About one in the morning," Stefan said.

"What are you guys doing here so late?" She asked. Her head swiveled around when she heard Damon's throaty chuckle next to her.

"I called them," he said with a smug grin, "You need to go home and rest, Elena. You've been here for twelve hours."

"Stefan's going to stay with Damon for the night, and I'm taking you home," Caroline added.

To Damon's surprise, she gave up without a fight. She nodded her head slightly and rose from her chair. She surprised him again when she leaned in slowly and placed her lips softly against his forehead. She smiled down at him shyly before following Caroline out of the room without another word.

"Careful, brother, one might think you have a crush on your wife," Stefan said, smiling at Damon's smitten expression and the fact that he couldn't take his eyes off Elena until she was out of his sight.

Damon shot him a dirty look. "We're working things out."

Stefan said nothing as he dropped into the chair Elena had occupied all day.

"What is that look for?" Damon asked, studying his brother.

"Did she tell you why she pushed you away yet?" Stefan asked skeptically.

"No, but she will when she's ready," Damon defended.

"Will she ever be ready?" Stefan asked quietly.

"Stefan," Damon warned.

Stefan threw his hands up in defeat with a sigh. "I'm just saying. I don't want to see you hurt again. It wasn't an easy thing to watch."

"I know, Stef. But things are changing. It's slow, but it's happening. Even the way we fight has changed," Damon said, his words slurring a little with fatigue.

"I hope so," Stefan mumbled as his brother drifted off to sleep.

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><p>Elena waved to Caroline from her porch and entered her quiet house. Everything felt empty knowing Damon was in the hospital. For the first time, she realized what it would be like if Damon ever decided that she wasn't worth it.<p>

She went about the nightly routine of washing her face and brushing her teeth. She shed her clothes in the bathroom and crossed her bedroom to change into her pajamas. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and stopped in her tracks. She studied the profile of her body and her eyes landed on her stomach in the mirror. She knew it was impossible but she could almost tell her belly was expanding already. She could feel the change. Her breasts had definitely changed, she could tell by the way they almost spilled out of her bra.

Her hands lifted to her stomach and caressed the skin under her fingers. She pictured what she would look like six months from that moment. Swollen belly, swollen feet, giantntic breasts. She smiled despite the fact that she'd only be getting bigger. Ever since hearing the heartbeat everything became so real. The child growing in her was really there. It was her physical connection to Damon.

Tears leaked from her eyes as she thought of how easily Damon's situation could've been graver. If anything had happened just a fraction differently, he'd be gone forever. She'd be alone and left to raise their baby by herself. She needed him, she needed him now more than ever, and he needed her. He also needed the truth. She knew they could never fully move forward and fix their marriage if she was still holding onto the secret of her miscarriage. As much as she wanted to shelter him from the pain, he needed to know and given the chance to grieve. He would be so hurt when he found out and she knew that when he was hurt, he channeled it all into anger. He would lash out at her with anything he could use to hurt her as much as she had hurt him. She knew him well enough to know that it would be his reaction. She knew she was selfish, but that was the biggest obstacle keeping her from telling him, that he would hurt her. He'd do anything in his power to make her suffer.

She furiously wiped at her tears and tore her gaze from her reflection, suddenly sick of the woman looking back at her. She quickly threw on her pajamas and slipped into bed. If sleeping alone the other night was hard with him in the other room, sleeping alone tonight, knowing that he was in pain in that cold hospital, was excruciating.

The bed felt exceptionally large and empty without him.

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><p><strong>Reviews are love! <strong>

**Shameless self-pimping; follow me on twitter: rachellebelle08**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again! I'm sorry I'm behind on replying to reviews. I've been spending all my free time writing. I hope you guys don't mind. First off, I'd like to thank all of you who took the time to read this. It means a ton. Seriously.**

**Second, I wanna thank Carol for being awesome and giving me some ideas for this chapter. After we chatted I powered through this chapter. So thank you, you are amazing.**

**Lastly, I don't usually do this, but there were two songs I had on repeat for this chapter and if you listen to them you'll know why. **

**_Poison and Wine _by The Civil Wars**

**_Fix You _by Coldplay.**

**Listen to them because they are amazing and because they really set the mood for this chapter. Enjoy!**

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><p>The thing Damon hated most about the hospital is that it left him alone with his thoughts more than he wanted. He didn't like it. It forced him to think of things he happily pushed to the back of his mind. At the current moment he was thinking about the child he had on the way. He never had a chance to sit and let himself be excited. Now that he had that chance all he felt was fear. He and Elena were far from being ok. Their child didn't deserve to live in a home where they were walking on eggshells. It wasn't fair.<p>

In all honesty, Andie was right when she said he didn't trust Elena. He didn't. He was on edge all the time just waiting for her to revert back to the shell of herself and block him out. He was trying not to get his hopes up. Yet, she was acting different. There was something in her eyes and the way she spoke that made him wonder if things would really be different this time. The fact that she apologized about yelling at him changed everything.

"Hey, you ready to get out of here?" Elena said from the doorway. He was being released and he couldn't be more ready. It had been a solid week he had to sit in that stupid, cold hospital room. The nurses helped him into a wheelchair and Elena gathered his belongings before leading them to the car.

"Home, sweet home," he sighed as they pulled up to their house. He never imagined he'd be so happy to be in his house. It had been a place of such tension the past eight months, but little by little it was starting to feel like home again.

Elena was out of the car and at his door to help him in an instant.

"Elena, I can walk on my own, you know," Damon said as she slung her arm around his waist to walk him up the stairs. After eight months of not touching and tentative words spoken, the sudden closeness of her was almost suffocating.

Embarrassed, she jerked her arm away from him. A slight pink tinted her cheeks and he immediately missed her close proximity.

"Right, I'm sorry," she mumbled and followed him into the bedroom. "So the doctor said you are on strict bed rest for at least two weeks. You're only allowed up to pee, eat, and shower," Elena told him as he situated himself on the bed. She stood awkwardly near the foot of the bed, glancing at the space next to him longingly. His heart wanted her to climb onto the bed and snuggle into his side for the rest of the afternoon, yet his brain was comfortable with her staying on the other side of the room.

"You can go do what ever you need to do," Damon offered. "You don't need to babysit me, I'll be ok."

A flash of hurt crossed her features before she arranged them into a look of indifference.

"Ok, well holler if you need something," Elena said stiffly before she turned and exited the room.

The moment she left, he missed her. He really needed a handle on his emotions. Everything was just so confusing. The first two years of their marriage had been absolute bliss. It was like they could read one another's thoughts. They rarely fought and they never yelled. He was so used to it that when she pushed him away, it hit him hard. He didn't know how to live, sometimes it felt like he no longer knew how to breathe. Yet, slowly, he got used to the distance, to the quiet. He didn't like it, but he learned to live with it, everyday hoping it would change. Now he felt like he was adjusting all over again. Before they were always on solid ground, but the new status of their relationship confused the hell out of him. He didn't know how to act or what he should say. He didn't know if he could touch her or how he should look at her. It was all so unstable. He wanted her, he'd always want her, but he still wondered if she'd fall back into the darkness and push him away again.

So there they stood, somewhere lost in limbo. Neither knowing how to act or what to say. The distance grew the closer they got. It was a nasty game of tug of war. They longed for the same thing, but neither said a word.

Mornings in the bathroom while she was getting ready, he'd slip past her like he used to, but she'd long for him to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her until she turned around to kiss him back. His arm would brush against and he'd ache to pull her into his arms and into the shower with him like he'd done so many times. Instead, their eyes would meet in the mirror and lock for a few moments before one would look away shyly as if it never happened. Then she'd watch him walk into the shower, missing the times he'd suggested they'd save water and shower together. And he'd glance at her back as she got ready, wanting nothing more than to close the distance between them and hold her like he wanted to; like he used to.

At night she'd join him in bed and turn the lights out. She'd roll on her side like she would always sleep and her body would buzz, just dying for him to form his body around hers and hold her in the safety of his arms. He'd stare at her small form under the covers and his arm would twitch with anticipation that she'd lace her hand with his and pull him into her. But night after night, it would be the same. They would be in the same bed, but an ocean between them. He wanted to just touch her, feel the warmth of her skin against his fingertips. She wanted to press her lips to his, feel the softness of them moving against hers. She wanted to run her fingers through his midnight locks and tangle her limbs around him. He wanted to run his hands all over her, to feel her heart beating in her chest, to hold her like he'd never let go. Yet, every other night, they'd lay there wishing for all the same things, but both afraid to be the first to reach out. Both afraid that come the morning, they'd realize it was a mistake. That they'd never go back to the way they were. And that scared them both more than anything.

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><p>She woke up with a start. Her body already knew what day it was. With a small huff she pulled herself into a sitting position and threw her legs over the side of the bed. Every year it was the same story. The day was just... heavy. It was harder to walk, harder to breathe, harder to live. But as always, she planted her feet and forced herself into her normal routine.<p>

Things always seemed brighter after a long, hot shower. She let her mind wander while the warm water pelted against her back. When she was finished, she ran a towel through her hair and wrapped herself in the robe hanging on the wall nearby. She was just getting her blowdryer out when Damon appeared in the doorway. She didn't notice him at first, but she could feel his gaze on her. Her suspicion was confirmed when their eyes locked in the mirror. Time felt like it had frozen as she stood there under his stare. He looked like a god leaning against the doorway, clad only in his low-slung boxers with the bandage wrapped tightly around his chest.

"How are you holding up?" Damon broke the silence in a gentle voice. She snapped out of her daze and busied herself with the blowdryer, desperately trying to avoid his probing eyes.

"I should ask you the same thing," she replied as she ran a brush through her damp locks.

"Elena," he said in a warning tone. She ignored him as she ran her comb through her hair. He took a step closer to her when she hit a mass of tangles and frantically tried to work through them. He could almost see the frustration building in her. He knew what this day meant for her, how hard it was for her. Despite the past eight months, his heart still yearned to take away her pain.

Her arm began tugging on her hair with increasing strength as her frustration grew. He stepped closer to her and placed his hand gently on hers to calm her jerky movements.

"Hey, hey," he soothed as he removed the brush from her hand. She placed her hands on the counter to brace herself and he could see through the mirror that she was fighting the tears that would inevitably fall later that day.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head, but her eyes remained closed, "I thought I had it together. I guess I don't," she let a humorless chuckle escape her lips. He moved to her side and reached his hand out to touch her, to comfort her somehow, but he stopped short and let his hand fall when he realized he didn't know if he was supposed to touch her. Instead, he settled on wrapping her hand up in his so she would turn to face him. Yet, her eyes still wouldn't lift from the ground.

"You don't have to have it together today," he told her in a calm, but firm voice. "You're allowed to feel."

His words affected her more than he knew. They were like a shot straight to her heart. Her insides immediately began to warm and she felt immensely grateful to have him there with her. Just like he was every year.

"Thank you," she whispered as her eyes finally met his. Their hands stayed locked for a few moments before she picked the brush off the counter once more and started back on her hair. With the moment broken, he took a step away from her and turned on the shower for himself.

"So what is your plan for today?" He asked while he waited for the water to heat up. He always spent this one day with her, but he didn't know if she still wanted him to. Besides, he was still on bed rest.

"Jenna, Jeremy, John, and I were all going to go visit them," she said over the noise in the small space as she moved the blowdryer around her head.

"I wish I could be there," he said quietly, but he could tell she heard by the way her eyes snapped to his in the mirror. A shy smile ghosted on her lips and a little pink tinted her cheeks.

"Me too," she said just as softly, although she knew he heard her. His heart skipped a beat when he heard her words. He gave her a small smile in the mirror before ridding himself of his bandages and his boxers and stepping into the shower.

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><p>Her parents' deaths hit her hard. Every year on the anniversary of their accident, she felt like she was sixteen all over again. She could hear the argument they had over the phone right before her parents left to pick her up. She could hear the metal guardrail being crushed under the weight of their speeding car. She could feel the water seeping through her clothes and chilling her to the bone. She could still see her life flashing before her eyes.<p>

Needless to say, it wasn't her favorite day of the year.

Since she met Damon, they always spent the day of her parents' deaths together. One year they strolled the cemetery and he listened while she told stories of her childhood. Another year, they found a quiet bench and he held her while she cried. Anther year, they stood hand-in-hand in front of their gravestone in silence. But this year was different. He couldn't help not being there, but she still felt like if she'd done things differently this year, he'd stand next to her and be whatever she needed that day. A punching bag, a rock, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, he'd be anything for her.

Her Aunt Jenna dropped her off at her house after they spent a few hours together at the cemetery. Her stomach growled as she slipped into the house, but she knew she should check on Damon first.

She climbed the stairs soundlessly and a soft light filtered from their room into the hallway. She pictured him grumpy from having to spend a whole day in bed, the thought of his disgruntled face made her smile. But as she neared the room, she could hear voices. Once she got closer, she could tell they were arguing. Without hesitation, she pushed the door open and entered her bedroom.

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><p>He wanted to be with Elena so badly. Part of him knew it was a good thing he was unable to go with her so he could keep his distance and keep his heart safe, but most of him just wanted to be there for her like he had been every year since they had met. All he wanted was to be whatever she needed.<p>

He didn't know how he was expected to entertain himself. He tried to watch TV. He tried to read. He tried to sleep. He was bored. He was in the middle of finding shapes in the ceiling when he heard the door open and close. He sat up in bed, his heart picking up in the excitement of seeing Elena. He heard her steps on the stairs and in the hall before the door swung open.

His heart dropped when he saw that the woman who stepped inside was not his wife.

"Andie," he growled.

"Hi," she said shyly and took a step closer to the bed.

"What are you doing here?" He snapped. She seemed unfazed as she walked even closer to where he sat in the bed.

"I heard about your accident," she explained in a hurt voice, tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, "I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Well I'm fine," he bit out and tried to scoot away as she sat down on the edge of the bed. He hissed in pain when he moved wrong. Her eyes went wide and she reached out to soothe him in some way.

"I'm fine," he repeated, hoping she'd put some distance between them. Her hand stayed on his arm for a moment before it slowly moved up his neck and cupped his face.

"I can't believe she just left you here alone," Andie said softly as her thumb caressed his cheek bone.

"You need to leave." He ground out and jerked his head away from her hand.

"No," she said stubbornly, "I'm not leaving you here alone. Why can't you see that I can care for you more than she can. I can love you more than she can." Her voice dropped to a soft whisper as she scooted up the bed and closer to him.

"Stop," Damon snapped. His frustration grew since he had no way to escape her. "You can't keep doing this."

"Why won't you just give us a chance? You almost left her once," she whispered as she leaned in closer to him. Her hand crept up his chest and tangled in his hair as she crashed her lips on his.

His hands flew up to her, and he ignored the pain in his side as he tried to push her off.

"Get the hell off him," a stern voice came from the doorway. Andie jumped off of him like she'd been burned and his heart shattered when he saw Elena standing in the doorway with her puffy red eyes, reminding him of just how painful her day had been.

"You don't deserve him," Andie hissed.

"I thought I told you to stay the hell away from my house," Elena said in the same stern voice.

"He deserves to be happy," Andie continued, "I make him happy."

"Really?" Elena said sarcastically as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Because he sure doesn't look happy right now."

His eyes darted between the two women facing off in his bedroom and he couldn't wrap his mind around what was happening.

"God, Andie," he finally interrupted them, "When will you get it through your head? I'm not leaving my wife. Now, please leave."

Andie stared at him with hurt eyes for a few moments before promptly leaving the room. The tension, however, stuck around after her departure.

"Elena," he started, he was desperate to make her understand so she wouldn't look so broken.

"Are you hungry?" She said suddenly, cutting him off.

"Elena, please," he started again.

"I'm going to make some spaghetti," she said quickly, "It'll be ready in about twenty minutes."

She didn't even look at him before disappearing into the hallway.

"Elena!" He called after her and cursed to himself knowing she wasn't going to turn around. Andie screwed everything up, once again. Elena was pushing him away again, he just knew it. He could see that detachment in her eyes and it nearly broke him in two.

He pushed himself up out of the bed, ignoring the sharp pains in his side. He had to make it right.

He would not lose her again.

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><p><strong>You can thank Carol for Andie showing up! Haha. But I think that'll be the last of her for a while. <strong>

**Thanks again for reading! You guys are the best!**

**Reviews are lovely!**

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	8. Chapter 8

**I won't say much because I know you are all dying to see what happens when Damon chases Elena down. But I just want to say THANK YOU for your amazing reviews! I got 22 reviews for the last chapter and I almost cried! You guys are so amazing so just thank you.**

**And big thanks to Yolanda for proofreading this chapter for me. You are amazing!**

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><p>She rushed into the kitchen knowing full well Damon would probably come after her. She busied herself and vaguely noticed that her hands were a little swollen, just like her feet. She sighed in exasperation, she was getting huge. How in the world would she keep her husband wanting her if she looked fat, not pregnant? It was a superficial thought, but it made her insecure nonetheless. She had been gaining weight like crazy, yet she hadn't been eating a whole lot.<p>

She tried not to think about what she had just witnessed. She didn't want to think about it. She figured Andie practically threw herself at him, but her mind kept wandering to what if's that upset her more than the events that actually transpired. It wasn't what happened that upset her, it was what she was keeping from him. He was trying so hard to make things better between them when she was the one holding the fate of their relationship in her hands. She was the one who was keeping secrets. She was the one who wasn't being honest. Her guilt overwhelmed her and she knew she had to say something. Yet, she couldn't get his broken eyes out of her mind, the look he'd surely give her when he found out.

She was filling up a pot of water when she heard him walk into the kitchen. She set the pot on a burner and turned it on, waiting anxiously for what he would say.

"Elena," he started in a concerned voice.

"It's fine, Damon," she said quickly, not wanting to turn around and get lost in his eyes.

"No, it's not. We need to talk about this," he said, his voice getting closer. He gently reached out to turn her to him. His touch sent liquid fire through her veins and only made her guilt worse.

"Stop. I said it's fine," she repeated, her guilt fueling her anger. She knew her hormones weren't helping matters either.

"Please, let me explain," he said softly. She couldn't bear his regretful looks. He wasn't the one who needed to feel remorse, she was. And oh, how she felt it. Something in the caring tone of his voice snapped something inside her in a way she could never explain.

"I said stop!" She screamed and ripped her arm out of his grip. Her outburst stunned them both into silence. His eyes held disbelief and hurt and the guilt inside her threatened to swallow her whole. She kept her secret so she wouldn't hurt him and here she caused more pain than she ever intended, all on her own.

"Damn it, Elena. We don't talk to each other like this!" He lashed out at her, running his hands through his messy hair. He paused for a moment before his voice dropped to a broken whisper, "It's like I don't even know who we are anymore." He turned and staggered out of the kitchen leaving her alone in the mocking silence that their argument left behind. Her vision blurred momentarily before she stumbled backwards into the counter and sunk down to the floor. Her feet spread out in front of her and tears ran down her cheeks as she caressed her growing stomach. It wasn't fair what she was doing to him. It wasn't fair that she was withholding information that he deserved to know. She wasn't being fair to him.

Andie was right. She didn't deserve him.

* * *

><p>The outburst blew over easily because they were both willing to pretend it didn't happen, despite the fact that it was something they needed to talk about. They were both content brushing it under the rug. They knew it was wrong, but they didn't know how to approach the situation. They wanted to avoid it for as long as possible.<p>

Elena took Damon to get his chest tube removed and get an X-ray on his ribs. The doctors were pleased with his improvement and gave him the ok to resume his less-strenuous activities. A week later, they found themselves in the waiting room at the Mystic OB/GYN to find out the gender of their baby.

Elena watched Damon's knee bob up and down from the corner of her eye for the better part of a half hour. She could almost feel his anxiety rolling off of him. Her hand shot out to stop Damon's jittery leg bouncing.

"Nervous?" She asked with a small smile. His leg immediately calmed under her fingertips.

"A little," he admitted sheepishly. He looked down at her hand and placed his on top of it, "But I'm excited, too."

Her smile only grew and he couldn't stop the way his insides reacted. Despite everything, she was the mother of his child. He loved her, he did, even if he didn't exactly like her at times. Seeing her stomach grow with the life inside of her only increased his desire for her and his love for her.

"Salvatore?" Both of their heads snapped toward the voice. Dr. Fell's assistant was standing in the doorway with a smile. Damon intertwined their fingers as they followed the medical assistant down the hall. She left them in an ultrasound room to wait for the sonographer. Her heart rate picked up as she sat on the exam table.

"Nervous?" Damon asked as he stilled her fidgety fingers. She looked up at him through her eye lashes and gave him a small smile. She reveled in the feeling of Damon's large hands around hers. She loved the way her hands fit perfectly in his, she missed the way his hands felt on her skin.

A soft knock on the door broke them out of their little world.

"Are we ready to find out the sex?" The woman smiled as she walked in. Elena nodded enthusiastically as she moved to lay on the table. She pulled her shirt up over her growing tummy while the sonographer put a towel on the hem of her jeans to keep the gel off them.

"Is it going to be cold?" Elena asked shyly as the woman prepared the gel.

"No, we now keep it in a warmer, so it'll be much more pleasant," the woman laughed as she squeezed the bottle. She used the scope to push the substance over Elena's stomach to search out the baby on the screen.

"Alright, Dad, if you want to stand next to your wife and look up on the screen, we'll search out this little baby's gender," the woman instructed him to stand on the other side of the table next to Elena's head to watch the screen on the wall in front of them. The screen was a fuzzy black and white picture with little things moving on it.

"Looks like we've found little fingers," the lady said as she pointed them out on the screen for the parents to see. Everything became real for Damon in the moment he saw the little baby on the monitor. It was so tiny. His heart swelled with pride that he took part in creating that tiny life. He wanted his baby now, he wanted to hold him or her in his arms and never let go. He couldn't explain it, but he already loved that little baby. He had to blink furiously to keep the tears at bay. He laughed a little at how much of a wuss he'd turned into.

The screen moved again as the sonographer searched for evidence of the baby's gender. He glanced down at Elena who already had tears streaming down her face. He could tell she had loved the baby since she found out about it. Her eyes were full of nothing but love and adoration as she stared at the screen. He didn't think it would happen, but he fell more in love with her in that moment and no fight could take that away.

"Ok," the woman said as she found the area she was looking for, "Looks like you are having a little girl!"

Damon's heart dropped as his mind fast forwarded sixteen years to see his baby girl running off on her first date with a boy. He saw her running up to her room with tears running down her cheeks when said boy broke her heart. He saw her years later getting married and having her own children. He was not ready for that.

But as he stared at the tiny image on the screen, he lost the battle against his tears and felt a few roll down his cheeks.

"A little girl?" Elena asked and he could hear the excitement and joy in her voice. She always wanted a girl. She looked up at Damon and was taken aback when she saw the tears on his face.

"Are you crying?" She asked with a small laugh. He quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand to get rid of the evidence.

"No," he said defensively, but he knew she saw straight through him and he couldn't stop the smile that broke out on his face.

The sonographer quickly took a few more pictures before wiping off the gel on Elena's stomach and leaving them alone. His hand drifted to her stomach and felt it for the first time. Elena's smile grew even wider as he stared down at her tummy with love in his eyes.

"We're having a girl," he mumbled in awe.

"We're having a girl," she repeated with a small nod, still not taking her eyes off of Damon with his hand on her stomach.

"I'm scared," he whispered finally. She looked up at him and their eyes locked for a few long moments.

"Me too," she said softly as her hand moved to his face and her thumb ran across his cheek. She craned her neck toward him slightly and he smiled before he pressed his lips against hers softly. It felt as if electricity was coming off her lips and electrocuting his heart. He couldn't stop himself from tangling his hand in her hair and wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her closer and deepen the kiss. She responded just as eagerly while her fingers threaded through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. His lips moved against hers for a few more moments before they slowed and he pulled away.

They stared at each other, still tangled in the other's arms, for several long minutes while their breathing returned to normal.

"Are you happy?" Elena broke the silence with her small whisper. Her eyes searched his for any hint that this wasn't what he wanted.

His answer only confirmed what she saw, "I am happy."

She smiled up at him and pressed one more soft kiss to his lips before she answered, "I'm glad."

They were interrupted by the sonographer who handed them pictures in an envelope and wished them a healthy pregnancy.

They stopped at the front desk to schedule her next appointment and then they continued, hand-in-hand, to the parking lot.

"What do you say we celebrate?" Damon asked her once they slipped into the car.

"You're not tired?" She asked hopeful.

"No, I actually feel great," he smiled at her.

Maybe, just maybe she had her husband back. She knew she owed him so much, but she allowed herself a day to enjoy him and their little baby girl.

He pulled into their favorite diner, the same place they met, where they had their first date, and the same place he proposed to her. They walked in and waved at the servers that they had gotten to know through the years. It had been a while since they had been there, but they were still greeted like family.

"I've missed this place," Elena sighed as they fell into their usual booth.

"Brings back great memories of when we met," he smiled.

"Don't remind me!" She complained as she covered her face with her hands. It was so embarrassing.

"You were waitressing and I was in town visiting for Alaric's wedding," Damon reminisced.

"And you were a total tool," Elena added remembering the way his eyes shamelessly raked over her.

"You liked it," Damon teased.

"I thought you were a pig," Elena shot back.

Damon nodded with a sarcastic smirk, "Sure, and that's why you tripped and spilled an entire tray full of drinks."

"You were distracting me!" Elena exclaimed with a laugh. He had known exactly what he did to her and she fought it with all she had. He had been immediately attracted to her the moment he saw her and the fact that she tried to pay as little attention as possible to him only made her that much more desirable. She was adorable all red faced from spilling the drinks all over.

"I tried to help you clean it up, but you wouldn't allow it," Damon reminded her.

"I was so embarrassed. I tried so hard to not show the effect you had on me," she laughed at how ridiculous it all sounded. They were professionals at the game of cat-and-mouse. They would either be bickering, avoiding each other, or making the other jealous. It lasted for months. Damon would put the moves on Elena and she'd shut him down. Then he'd make her jealous and reel her back in, once she realized that was what he was doing, she'd pull back and try to make him jealous. Everyone around them knew they were just fighting fate. The chemistry between them was off the charts and that was only confirmed when they had their first kiss after a heated argument in the pouring rain.

They sat in that diner laughing and talking and finally remembering what it felt like to be husband and wife again.

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><p><strong>A little bit of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy story! Thank you again for the record reviews last chapter. I seriously did a happy dance. <strong>

**Shameless self promotion riiiiight now! Follow me on Twitter: rachellebelle08**

**Reviews make me smile and dance! haha**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello my lovely loves! Thank you all for such amazing reviews last chapter. I'm really, really flattered. **

**A HUGE thanks to Jenn aka ElvishGrrl for beta-ing this for me. You are awesome!**

**I'm very nervous about this chapter. It's the most M rated thing I've ever written. I hope you guys don't want to rip your eyes out by the end. That being said... Onto the story!**

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><p>"So have you seen any more of the slut-bag?" Caroline asked while she rifled through the nearest display of baby clothes.<p>

"Caroline," Elena warned, "Stop calling her that. They didn't actually sleep together."

Caroline rolled her eyes dramatically. "She was your best friend, Elena. She doesn't deserve your sympathy."

"I know," Elena sighed, "But I was a bitch to everyone for all those months, maybe I deserved it."

"Elena," Caroline said seriously while coming around the display to plant herself right in front of her friend. "I'm not going to pretend I understand why you acted like that, or that you didn't hurt a lot of people, but you are trying to put that behind you. Besides, no one deserves to have their best friend try and take their husband away."

For a brief moment, Elena contemplated telling Caroline why she acted the way she did, but she bit her tongue because Damon deserved to hear it first.

"Thanks, Care," she smiled at her friend, "Stefan is a lucky man. You know that right?"

Caroline's serious features disappeared as she beamed at her best friend/sister-in-law. "He is lucky isn't he?" She giggled and resumed browsing the store.

Elena looked through the new born clothes and was astounded at how tiny they were. She still had a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that a child was growing in her. She found herself gazing at the latest ultrasound pictures and imagining what their baby would look like. Would she have Damon's eyes? Her nose? She secretly hoped their baby would look like Damon.

"Have you decided on a color for the nursery?" Caroline's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Pink and grey with dark wood furniture," Elena said, "And Jeremy is going to paint a mural on the wall."

"Pink and grey," Caroline said as she contemplated the color combination, "I like it."

"Damon wouldn't let me do the whole room pink," Elena pouted slightly.

"Men," Caroline scoffed and Elena nodded in agreement.

Elena wandered over to the baby books with Caroline by her side.

"I take it you don't have a name yet," Caroline said as she gestured to the book in her friend's hands.

"We've played around with a few names, but we haven't really found any that we like," Elena shrugged as she flipped through the baby names book she held.

"Well you know that Caroline is a very strong name," the blonde giggled.

"I like the name Claire," Elena told her.

Caroline repeated the name a few times as if testing it out as she scoured the books.

"I think it's amazing," Caroline finally decided.

"You do?" Elena asked hopeful.

"I really do, 'Lena," the blonde said sincerely.

"Well now it just has to pass the Damon test," Elena said with a chuckle. They strolled down the book aisle together, laughing at titles and flipping through pages of random books.

"Did you hear Giuseppe and Isabella are coming into town?" Caroline said nonchalantly.

"Seriously?" Elena asked in shock.

"Yeah, I guess Isabella called Stefan yesterday," Caroline shrugged as she let one finger glide across the book spines.

"I don't think Damon has talked to them in almost a year," Elena said, the book in her hands completely forgotten.

"They want us all to have dinner," Caroline told her. "What even happened between Damon and Giuseppe?"

"I have no idea," Elena admitted, "Damon and I weren't exactly on speaking terms at that time."

"Do you think Damon will come to dinner?" Caroline asked, all the books around them forgotten.

"I don't know. I doubt they know about the pregnancy." Elena ran a nervous hand through her hair. "But it would be nice if they could be on speaking terms when the baby gets here. I want Damon's parents involved in her life."

Elena dropped her gaze to her noticeable baby bump. As she brushed a gentle hand over it, her vision blurred and her surroundings started to tilt.

"Whoa," Caroline's hands shot out to steady her friend. Elena's face was ashen and her eyes were unfocused. "Elena? Are you ok?"

Caroline's voice seemed to pull her back to reality. Her hands held onto Caroline's forearms while she worked to steady herself on her feet.

She shook her head a few times to clear the last of the fog from her mind.

"Are you ok?" Caroline repeated. Elena's brown eyes finally focused on her blue ones and she nodded.

"I think so," Elena said in a shaky voice.

"Do you need to sit?"

"No, I think I'll be ok. I might just need to eat something," Elena said dismissively. Her dizzy spells were becoming a more and more common thing. Before she only had one once every other week or so, but now she was getting them every few days.

Before she had a chance to worry, all effects of the dizzy spell were gone and it was as if it never happened.

* * *

><p>"Hello, brother," Damon said affectionately as he opened the front door.<p>

"Hey, Damon," Stefan said with a smile.

"Thanks for helping me out," Damon said as Stefan followed him up the stairs.

"I didn't really have a choice." Stefan elbowed him as they stepped into the empty nursery. "You've been busy," he mused as he looked around the room, the walls had already been taped off, there was a sheet of plastic laid meticulously to cover the hardwood floor, a ladder sat in the corner, and the paint supplies were all laid out in a nice row.

"I've been a little bored," Damon shrugged. He knelt down with a small grimace of pain before he opened up the first can of paint and stirred it up.

"When did the doctor say you could go back to work?" Stefan asked while Damon poured the paint into two paint trays.

"They aren't sure yet. They need to do more X-rays to be sure my ribs and lung have healed properly. After that it could be another week before I can resume my normal activities," Damon explained as he dipped his roller into the paint.

"Grey?" Stefan asked when he finally took notice of the paint color.

"There was no way I was painting this entire room pink," Damon said, "So she gets one pink wall."

"Ah," Stefan sighed, "The art of compromise. It seems like you two are doing better."

"Yeah, we are," Damon agreed as he moved the paint roller over the wall. "I think seeing the baby and learning the sex really put things in perspective for us."

"Have you talked about what happened between you these past months?" Stefan asked hesitantly.

"No," Damon sighed, "We haven't."

Stefan stopped painting and turned toward his brother. "Damon," he sounded exasperated, "You can't just brush those things under the rug. It will only make things worse and this little baby doesn't deserve that."

"I know, Stefan, I know," Damon breathed out dejectedly, "But things are actually good right now and I just want to savor that before rocking the boat."

"That's a dangerous line you are walking, my brother," Stefan warned.

"I know that, but I finally have my wife back," Damon's voice dropped almost to a whisper, "I just want to enjoy it."

"Believe me, we are all glad to have Elena back," Stefan clapped Damon on the shoulder. They were quiet for a few moments and Damon reveled in his brother's support.

"So, I have news," Stefan said suddenly as he returned to painting his wall.

"Good or bad?" Damon asked suspiciously.

Stefan gave an indifferent shrug. "Depends on how you look at it."

Damon stopped painting to glare at his younger brother. "You are deflecting."

Stefan knew Damon saw right through him and let out a heavy sigh. "Mom and Dad are flying in next week and they want us all to have dinner," he said carefully.

"Not happening," Damon said, shaking his head.

"Damon," Stefan complained, "I think it's time you let that go,"

"Let it go?" Damon asked incredulously. "I can't and won't do that."

"Honestly, I don't think you have room to talk anymore," Stefan's voice was low and quiet, but he heard him loud and clear.

"That's low, Stefan, even for you," Damon hissed, "You know nothing happened."

"Damon, I love you, but it's my personal belief that if you think about another woman that isn't your wife, you've been unfaithful," Stefan said seriously.

"Can we just drop it?" Damon asked tiredly. He couldn't handle the truth of Stefan's statement. No, he hadn't slept with Andie, but he thought about it. And if it wasn't for Elena walking in on them, he would have. He knew that was something he and Elena needed to talk about, but he was afraid that she'd hate him and decide he wasn't good enough for her.

He was also avoiding the anger. He didn't want to be angry with her anymore for pushing him away, but if they really hashed out what happened with Andie, it was bound to come back. He was so livid when he saw Andie at the bar. He was hurt and confused and all he wanted was someone who acted like they cared. It started out so innocently that he didn't think twice when she kissed him. They never talked about Elena; it was like she didn't exist. It was horrible, but it was true. He was in a bad place and he didn't want to think about how wrong he was or how he needed to fix things. He just wanted a break.

"Do Mom and Dad know that Elena is pregnant?" Stefan asked after he let Damon cool off a bit.

"Nope," he responded, adding a pop on the end dramatically.

"Well, that will make for a very interesting dinner," Stefan said with a huff.

"We are not coming to dinner," Damon said firmly.

"Yes, you are because the second Elena finds out, she'll make you come," Stefan said with a small teasing smile.

"Kill me now."

* * *

><p>"Damon?" Elena called as she closed the front door and dropped her keys on the small table by the door.<p>

"In here," she heard his voice and followed it down the hall. She found him inside the den with the ultrasound pictures in his hands. She smiled and her heart swelled at the scene in front of her.

"She's so tiny," he said, his eyes never leaving the photos.

"I know," Elena said softly as she moved to sit next to him on the couch.

"Do you think we're ready for this?" She asked when his eyes finally met hers.

"No," he said after a few quiet moments. The confused look on her face made his lips lift into a small smile. "I don't think anyone is truly ready for their first child," he elaborated.

Her heart clenched painfully at his words. The guilt that she battled with day after day came rushing to the front of her mind. This child should've been their second. They could already be parents if she hadn't ruined things. She knew what she had to do. He needed to know no matter how he would react.

The love she saw in his eyes solidified her decision.

"Damon," she whispered finally. She took a deep breath to tell him everything when he interrupted.

"I love you, Elena," he said passionately. He took advantage of her stunned silence to continue, "I know I haven't said it nearly enough, but I do. That hasn't changed."

Her eyes stung with the tears she knew would inevitably fall. She was about to respond when his lips descended on hers. His kiss was gentle and tentative. His hand moved to cup her cheek while her hands stayed frozen at her sides. His other hand dove into her hair and angled her head so he could deepen the kiss. Her hands immediately sprung to life and wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. She could hardly remember her own name with the way his lips were moving against hers, the way his tongue was asking for entrance to her mouth. She immediately complied as her hands crept under his shirt to feel his skin against hers while their tongues danced with one another. The limited feel of his skin had her almost ripping his shirt over his head. His lips attached themselves to her neck as his hands moved to her hips to pull her onto his lap.

With her knees on either side of his hips, she explored the contours of his muscular chest. His fingers expertly unbuttoned her shirt while he gently tugged on her ear with his teeth, smirking when he pulled a hiss from her lips. He pulled back to admire the sight of his wife's enlarged breasts that were barely covered in her lacy black bra.

"You are so beautiful," he said before he leaned in to pepper kisses over her chest. Her hands threaded into his hair to hold him close. She could feel the proof of his desire pressing into her jean-clad core. His fingers snuck around her back to rid her of her bra. She lowered her arms to allow the garment to drop off her body. He sat back to admire the newly exposed skin. She felt her cheeks flush under his intense gaze and her arms automatically moved to cover herself. His hands shot out and caught her wrists to prevent her from obstructing his view.

"Don't," he said simply, before he leaned in and captured a nipple in his mouth. His talented tongue had her gasping and writhing on top of him, which only increased his desire for her. His lips worked their way up to hers as he situated her body underneath his. Her jeans and underwear were practically ripped off her body and Damon's fingers wasted no time exploring her center. He had her crying his name in no time and while she came down from her high, he got rid of his own jeans and boxers.

When he covered his body with hers, her lips latched onto his greedily. She couldn't get enough of him. She forgot how explosive they were together. It was definitely not something they had a problem with. Her arms wrapped around him while he propped himself up on his elbows. His eyes never left hers as he pushed forward to complete her. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he started moving inside her. The love in his eyes was pushing her closer and closer to the edge. She couldn't stop his name from leaving her lips.

She didn't realize how much she missed the way he filled her completely, the way he knew exactly what she needed before she did. She missed how he moved his hips in the way that had her arching off the couch. Even the way he moved inside her was filled with love and caring. She couldn't stop her hips from meeting him at every thrust.

He had her seeing stars and with a few more powerful movements, she was catapulted into her sweet oblivion. He quickly followed her before collapsing on top of her sweat-slicked body. They laid tangled in each others limbs while their breathing returned to a normal pace.

He pulled back and his eyes studied her face while his hands pushed a few wet strands of hair off her forehead. A smile broke out on his face that sent her heart into shock.

"It's been a while since this couch saw any action," he chuckled as he rolled to her side, pulling her onto her side and tucking her against his chest. He reached up and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch to cover their bodies with.

His hand moved down her side to rest on her protruding belly. Her heart swelled at the contact and she tipped her head back to smile at him.

"I love you, too," she whispered.

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><p><strong>So did we all completely hate it?<strong>

**I hope it was ok to read and everything flowed and was realistic. This is the first chapter I've ever been this nervous about. **

**Self-pimping... Follow me on Twitter: rachellebelle08**

**As a side note, I'm planning on hosting an Author to Author exchange on the TVD Mixing LJ. It's going to be a songfic themed exchange. So the prompts will be your pairing, a song inspiration, and kind of where you wanted the o/s to go. So if any of my readers are also authors and would be interested, let me know!**

_Reviews are love. Especially after that nerve-wracking chapter._


	10. Chapter 10

**You guys are still so amazing. Thank you all so much for your amazing and passionate reviews! Thanks to Jenn for being an awesome beta. Ok, to the dinner party!**

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><p>"You did what?" Damon cried out. He was in the middle of the kitchen watching Elena move around preparing the meal that she volunteered them to host.<p>

"This was the only way to be sure you showed up," Elena said, completely exasperated with him.

"I'm not going to let them rip us apart in our own home!" he said defensively. She stopped moving and turned to look at him, her hands on her hips and her head tilted to one side.

"Now, you are just being dramatic," she huffed. "It's one dinner, Damon. Go put your big boy pants on and deal with it." With that, she returned to her meticulous preparation for their dinner that evening.

"You're being mean," he whined.

"And you are being a brat," she shot back without even turning around.

"I resent that," his voice dropped into a serious tone, causing her to turn around.

"Damon, don't," she said with her hands in surrender while slowly backing away from him. He was stalking her like she was his prey.

"Take it back," he told her in a low voice. His blue eyes were dancing with danger as he advanced on her. She stopped moving backward and looked him right in the eye and with an insubordinate look she crossed her arms over her chest.

"No," she smirked when she saw the fire light in his eyes.

"You are going to regret that," he warned. She held his gaze for a moment longer before she turned on her heel and took off running, screaming the whole way.

A second later, Damon took off after her, following the sounds of her laughter. He caught up to her in the living room and he wrapped his arms around her waist before falling back onto the couch, with her on top of him. He shifted so she was underneath him and his fingers worked relentlessly on her sides. He knew the exact spot under her ribs that would make her giggle like a little girl.

"Please, stop!" she cried between her cries of laughter.

"Take it back," he told her.

"Never!" she shrieked as his tickling only increased.

"I'm going to pee!" she cried and he slowed his fingertips, knowing better than to push it.

He moved his hands from her sides to hold himself over her. Her face was flushed and her chest was heavy with her pants. It was exactly how he liked her. She pushed against his shoulders and hauled herself onto his lap. She let out a frustrated growl when her stomach stopped her from getting as close to him as she wanted. The sounds went straight to his _other_ brain.

His arms wrapped around her back and traced small circles into the exposed skin above the waistband of her pants. Her gaze was locked with his as her hands ran through his hair. They sat like that for several minutes, just enjoying the feel of one another. Her eyes finally left his and he could feel her body tense as she took in their position. In the living room, on the couch. On the couch in the living room. Shit.

The atmosphere went from playful, to peaceful, to tense in a matter of minutes. Her fingers stilled in his hair and slowly detangled themselves. She pushed herself off him awkwardly. When she was upright, she fixed her clothes and smoothed her hair back into place. She gave him a tense smile before she mumbled something about checking on the food. He watched her disappear around the corner and it hurt him to see her like that.

The past week had been great. The couches in their home, including the couch in the den where they rediscovered the spark, had seen a lot of action, all of them except for one. The one he was sitting on. The one he tackled her onto. The one he was on when she caught him with Andie. One that she wouldn't touch, wouldn't look at, wouldn't even go near.

He dropped his head into his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. He made a mental note to get a new couch as soon as possible.

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><p>"You're seriously going to make me wear a tie?" he grumbled as he tried - for the third time - to tie a double windsor. It just wasn't happening.<p>

Elena appeared in the doorway with a soft smile and padded across the room to plant herself in front of him.

"But you look so nice in a tie," she said as her hands replaced his on the offending piece of fabric.

All of his frustration and nerves surrounding the evening washed away as he watched her fingers work meticulously on his tie. He loved the way her bow furrowed a little when she concentrated. Her hair was in loose curls that made him want to run his hands through it. She was wearing a blue and white dress and her make up was a little heavier than usual, but stunning none the less. Needless to say, she looked beautiful.

The second she stepped away from him, he felt all the stress flood his body once more. Before he had to go and face the firing squad, he just needed one thing. His hand lifted to cup her soft cheek and he leaned in to gently press his lips against hers. All too soon he pulled away.

"Everything is going to be fine," she repeated the same statement she had been telling him all day, but in that moment he finally believed her. And when the doorbell rang, he had just enough courage to descend the stairs and answer it.

There stood Stefan, Caroline, his mother and his father on his porch. He mustered the energy to put a smile on his face and welcome them into his home. Stefan gave him an affectionate pat on the back, Damon gave Caroline a quick kiss on her cheek, his mother threw her arms around her prodigal son, and, finally, his father gave him a terse handshake.

His whole life he'd been told that he was the spitting image of his mother. With the raven hair, pale complexion, and ocean blue eyes, he agreed with them. He loved his mother, and seeing her in his home, he realized how much he missed her presence in his life.

He and his father, however, looked nothing alike. As a child he wondered if that was why he so obviously preferred Stefan. His father expected everything from him, causing him to rebel more often than not, further proving to his father that Stefan was the golden child.

Damon led them into the living room with Caroline chattering away, happily filling in the tense atmosphere. Silence fell on the room when Elena entered. Damon's breath caught in his throat at the sight of her, despite the elephant in the room.

"Hello, everyone," she smiled sincerely. His mother rose and crossed the room to hug her daughter-in-law.

"Elena, it's good to see you again," Isabella said as she wrapped her arms around Elena.

"It's been a while," she laughed nervously. As Isabella pulled Elena into her, she froze when Elena's stomach hit hers. She pulled back and her eyes dropped between them. Damon watched his mother's eyes grow wide and he decided it was time to clear the air.

"Mom, Dad," he started hesitantly, rising from his chair to wrap an arm around his wife. "Elena and I are having a baby." He tried to wipe the idiotic grin off his face, but it was useless.

His mother's eyes lit up while Giuseppe's grew colder, if that was even possible.

"I'm shocked you two can stand to be in the same room as each other," he said dryly, eyeing their loving embrace with cynicism.

"Why don't we all sit down? Dinner is on the table," Elena suggested as the awkward silence threatened to descend on the room once more.

Caroline and Isabella complimented Elena on the meal, while Stefan tried to converse with Damon, but he was listening to the women's conversation at the other end of the table. They were all eating happily and chatting about baby things.

"Did you get the pictures of those cribs I sent you?" Caroline asked her, to which she nodded.

"I loved the dark wood one. It was gorgeous," Elena gushed, her face lighting up as it always did when someone asked about the baby. He couldn't help the smile that graced his lips.

"How far along are you?" Isabella asked, the excitement of a grandchild still evident in her eyes.

"Almost 17 weeks," Elena replied, her tone matching her mother-in-law's elated one.

"Did you find out the gender?" Isabella asked. Elena nodded happily.

"It's a girl," she answered with a bright smile.

"Hope she doesn't turn out like her mother," Giuseppe muttered under his breath. Damon felt his blood boil in an instant.

"Excuse me? Like you get to judge," Damon hissed at him. His hands clenched into fists on the table. Everyone at the table stopped talking and stared at him.

"Damon, calm down," Stefan said, trying to reason with him.

"No, I will not fucking calm down," he almost yelled. It was his wife that his father was talking about.

"Typical. This is exactly why you were never fit for the company," Giuseppe clicked his tongue in disappointment.

"Giuseppe, now is not the time," Isabella admonished him.

"No, Damon's the one yelling, so let's get this out," Giuseppe gestured to Damon and sat back in his seat, ready to enjoy the show. "He's just angry because he asked – no, begged - to come back to the company so he could please his nearly catatonic wife, and I shot him down."

"Damon?" Elena's quiet voice hit his ears loud and clear. He glanced over to her. She sat ramrod straight and her skin looked a little pale. She didn't need this kind of stress in her home. He wouldn't have it.

"This was a mistake. You need to get the hell out of my house," he growled at his father.

"Why? Because I'm telling the truth? Because I told you that I wouldn't give you a job unless you left your greedy and selfish wife?" Giuseppe snapped. The silence in the room was almost tangible.

"You son of a bitch," Damon snarled.

"Damon, please," his mother begged.

"How fucking dense are you? I didn't cut you off because you wouldn't give me a job! I cut you off because you are a cheating bastard!" Damon roared, pushing his chair back from the table and jumping to his feet.

"Damon!" Isabella's voice only fueled his anger.

"No, don't 'Damon' me," he rolled his eyes and turned to her. "God, Mom, how could you have stayed with him after that? When he so openly admitted to it? When he admitted to it over and over again?"

"You don't have much room to talk Damon, as I see your wife forgave you," Giuseppe's bitter voice cut in.

"It's not the same."

"Oh, of course not. It's ok for you because your wife decided to be a little bitch and she deserved it. Is that it, Damon?" The self satisfied smirk on that man's face was taunting him so badly that he had to grip the table to keep from hitting him.

Elena's gasp could be heard through the entire room. His gaze snapped to hers and his heart ripped in half when he saw her eyes glistening with tears. She gave him one last devastated look before she pushed her chair back and fled the room, with Caroline hot on her heels, shooting them all a death glare.

"I really think it's time for you to leave," Stefan finally spoke up. The authority in his voice caught the attention of every person in the room. Giuseppe openly gawked at his prized son. He was clearly shocked that his pride and joy would speak to him in such an insubordinate tone.

Giuseppe huffed as he looked expectantly at his wife, who rose without a word other than a whispered apology as she moved past her sons.

Damon wilted with relief when the door slammed shut. He couldn't believe how his evening went from bad to catastrophic. What he hated most was that he wanted nothing more than to go comfort his distressed wife, but he knew that what she really needed now was Caroline.

"Damon," Stefan said quietly, "If I had known he would be like that, I would never have forced the dinner."

"I know, brother," Damon said as he moved to the fridge. He opened it, pulled out two beers, and let the door swing shut.

"Thanks," Stefan said when he took the drink from Damon, who'd already opened his and flopped back onto his chair.

They both sat in utter speechlessness as they replayed the chaotic dinner in their minds. They remained that way until Caroline came down the stairs a while later.

"How is she?" Damon asked, rising from his seat when Caroline entered the kitchen.

"Upset, but she's sleeping now," Caroline replied.

"Thank you, Care," Damon said sincerely. She smiled in response and Stefan rose from his seat.

"You ready to go?" he asked her with a hand on the small of her back. They exchanged goodbyes and disappeared out the front door.

He finally stood alone in the aftermath of the war that was fought in his kitchen only an hour prior. With a heavy sigh, he started clearing the table. He took his time, putting the food in plastic Tupperware, washing every dish by hand, and wiping down every surface with a damp cloth. He wasn't scared, per se, to be near Elena, but he didn't know what to say, or how badly she'd been hurt by Giuseppe's words.

He couldn't put off the inevitable any longer, so he trudged up the stairs and slipped silently into their dim room. The light from the bathroom was still on, illuminating her sleeping form. Her makeup had been scrubbed clean, but he could tell her eyes were puffy from crying. He tore his eyes from her and forced himself to go through his normal bedtime routine.

He shut the light off from the bathroom and stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed on his side. As he settled under the blankets, she awoke and rolled to face him. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and landed on her sad face. His hand lifted to brush a few stray hairs from her face. He allowed the back of his finger to trace the curve of her jaw before it fell back to the mattress.

"How can I fix this?" he whispered.

"Just hold me?" she said softly as she moved across the bed to press herself against his chest.

"I can do that," he said as his arms encircled her small body and held her close to him. Relief ran through him when she let out a satisfied sigh.

He breathed in the smell of her hair and pressed his lips to the top of her head before he allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep.

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><p><strong>That was quite a doozy! I hope you all liked it! <strong>

**Seriously though, you guys rock. Thank you all for your amazing support.**

Follow me on twitter: rachellebelle08

**Reviews are love!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you, again, for your reviews. I love each and every one of them. **

**That being said, please don't hate me...**

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><p>"Will you just tell me where we are going?" Elena whined from her spot in the passenger seat. Damon woke her up bright and early, claiming he had a surprise for her. She initially groaned and rolled over, but he tempted her by suggesting a morning shower. Together. She caved pretty easily after that.<p>

"I'm still not telling you," he said with a victorious smile. They had been driving on the highway for almost twenty minutes. They didn't need to leave Mystic Falls for much. Though it was a small town, it always had everything they needed nearby. She had no idea where he could be taking her.

"Will you at least tell me how much longer?" she pouted and batted her eyelashes, pulling out all the stops to break him.

"Nope," he said with a pop at the end. She let out a frustrated huff and collapsed into her seat; her gaze fixed on the scenery flying by outside her window.

"My, my, someone is testy this morning," he teased her. "Which, I might add, she has no right to be with all that screaming in the shower."

"You are sick," she turned her head to glare at him, but her playful eyes held no real malice.

"You love me," he said with a shrug. Her hand slid across the seat and her fingers tangled in his.

"Yeah," she replied softly.

They drove the rest of the way in content silence.

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><p>"IKEA?" Elena asked skeptically while Damon tugged her toward the front doors. "Why IKEA? We don't need new furniture."<p>

"Yes, we do," he said without turning around. "We need a new couch for the living room."

"Damon," she said, yanking on his hand to force him to face her. "We have a couch for the living room." Except for the fact that it served no purpose because she refused to sit on it, or look at it.

"We're getting rid of that couch," he said simply, turning again to drag her through the automatic doors and into the massive store.

"Why would we get rid of it?" she asked. He only regarded her with an 'are you stupid?' look from over his shoulder.

"Right," she dropped her gaze when she realized what he meant. He stopped pulling her then and turned back to face her. His fingers gripped her chin and he forced her to look at him.

"Things are good in our home and I don't want anything in it that could jeopardize that," he said sincerely. Her heart performed circus tricks when she saw the honesty and concern in his eyes. Then the crushing guilt followed. Sure, he made a mistake just like she did, but he was working so hard to fix things and what was she doing? She was doing nothing. She pushed the feeling away, because it wasn't the time nor the place to get into that.

"Ok," she broke out into a smile, "Let's get a couch."

They strolled hand in hand through the showroom, looking at couches and occasionally getting distracted by baby furniture.

Three hours, and several disagreements later, they finally settled on a gorgeous dark brown, micro suede sectional. Elena was ecstatic because it was the couch that she initially fell in love with. Damon, on the other hand, did not love it so much and it took a lot of begging and eyelash-batting to get him to cave, but he finally did, and he had to admit that it wasn't so bad. After paying and setting up the delivery for the next day, they headed home. The day had really taken a toll on Elena and she slept the entire way back. Damon was content holding her hand and stealing glances at her sleeping form as they coasted along the highway.

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><p>"So are we going to talk about what happened with your father?" Elena asked quietly as they sat down to dinner that evening.<p>

"There isn't much to talk about," he shrugged. "I thought that maybe the risks of my job were taking a toll on you and I asked him for a job. It didn't hurt that I'd be making more money as well."

Her heart physically clenched at his words, but she ignored the feeling and pressed on. "But he said no."

"He said no," he confirmed with a nod of his head. "He told me that I needed to find someone who appreciated me and how that person wasn't you. Then I promptly told him to fuck off and I left." He took a large bite of his pasta as if he was totally unfazed by the experience.

Elena, however, felt sick and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. Guilt overwhelmed her and threatened to burn her at the stake. She knew what she needed to do and there was no way out this time around. It had to be done.

"I love you, you know that right?" Elena said suddenly.

His answering smile did little to calm the torrent of emotions in her chest. "Of course I know that."

"I think there is something we need to talk about - about why I hurt you so long ago," she said slowly, trying to keep her voice steady. He put his silverware down and turned his full attention to her.

"We don't need to rehash that," he said as he reached across the table to take her hand in his, but frowned when she pulled away.

"But we do. I need to tell you," she said, placing her hands in her lap and wringing her fingers with anxiety.

"Now you're making me nervous, what's going on, Elena?" His face was openly concerned. She knew this was the only way they could truly fix their marriage. She steadied herself with a deep breath.

"Remember when I was so sick last year?" she asked and he responded with a tight nod. "Well, I had a hunch as to what it could've been, and I was so scared that I put off finding out for weeks, almost two months to be exact, until I caved and visited the doctor and he confirmed that I was pregnant."

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"I was so scared. You hadn't expressed any desire to have children any time soon and I sure wasn't ready to be a mother. But when it was confirmed the excitement almost burst out of me. So I planned that nice dinner for us so I could tell you the news, but the day before, I lost it. I had a miscarriage. I lost our baby." Tears started to sting the backs of her eyes, and she blinked furiously to keep them at bay. "And I thought that I was being punished for not being excited enough or not being happy enough. I couldn't imagine facing you knowing that I planned on telling you such wonderful news and then having to tell you that it was ripped from us. I didn't want you to blame me, because I already blamed myself."

He stared at her in pure shock. All thoughts of eating were completely vanished.

After several tense minutes, he finally blinked and spoke in a harsh whisper, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to burden you with my pain," she said brokenly.

"So instead you shut me out, shut your family out, and shut the world out?" his voice was getting stronger the more he spoke. "Elena we are supposed to be a team, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. How could you not tell me!" His fists were clenched in tight fists on either side of his plate and she could feel the anger rolling off him.

"I was too upset to relive it, and then I had already pushed you away so much, I didn't want to give you reason to hate me more," she cried. She felt like her world was slowly closing in on her.

"How could you lie to me? All those months I questioned myself thinking I did something to hurt you," the hurt in his voice was unbearable, and knowing she put it there was excruciating.

"I'm so sorry," was all she could think to say. He shook his head and rose from his chair. "Damon," she called as he started to exit the kitchen.

"I just need to be alone," he spat bitterly. She watched his retreating back until it disappeared and then the tears came. She dropped her head into her hands and just let them fall. She brought this all upon herself, there was no one to blame. She could only be angry with herself. Never in her life had she felt so hopeless. But she told him, that had to count for something. Things could only go up from there.

But she realized that she was sadly mistaken when he reappeared with a duffel bag in hand.

"What are you doing?" she asked quietly, despite knowing the answer.

"I can't be here right now," he said simply, yet his eyes were glistening with angry tears. "I can barely stand to look at you."

"Damon, please don't leave," she jumped from her seat to approach him, but he took a step back as she advanced on him. Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I didn't mean to lose the baby."

"It's not that you lost the baby, I would never blame you for that," his voice softened for just a moment, "But you lied to me. And that I can't stand for."

"Please just don't go," she begged, her tears running down her cheeks, leaving tracks of mascara behind.

"I need some time, probably a lot of it, to mourn the loss of my child and figure out what's going to happen from here," he said in a hard voice. She felt her heart painfully clench in her chest.

"What do you mean?" her voice broke on the last word, and she could hardly hold back her sobs.

"I promised to be there for you and this baby, and I have no intention of breaking that promise, but I can't say I know what our relationship will be after this." His eyes held nothing but contempt and anger and hurt. She wanted nothing more than to take that away.

"Don't say that, Damon," she whispered, not trusting her voice enough to speak any louder. She reached for his hand, but he ripped it away like she was a leper.

"Please, just let me go," his voice finally broke to show her just how much he was hurting. That moment alone threatened to bring her to her knees. He gave her one last long look before he took his bag and turned on his heel. She watched him leave, her heart shattering with every step he took until the door slammed, taking her to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her protruding stomach and crumpled in on herself.

The past year she was so intent on keeping Damon safe and not letting him feel her pain, and she ended up hurting him worse than she ever wanted. She hurt him so badly and maybe beyond repair. The sobs were shaking her whole body, like they were trying to hurt her as much as she hurt him. She hugged herself in a heap on the floor and cried until she ran out of tears.

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><p>He thought that his anger would subside, even slightly, once he left. But as the door slammed behind him, he felt his anger grow exponentially.<p>

How could she do that to him?

How could she lie to him?

He threw his bag into his car and tore out of the driveway. His grip on the steering wheel nearly broke it into tiny pieces. Kind of like his heart, he thought bitterly. He could only see red as he drove through the streets of Mystic Falls. He had no idea where he was driving, but it didn't matter. He had to put as much distance between him and Elena as he could. He found himself at his favorite bar, the only bar in town, downing many tumblers of whiskey. The burn was almost numbing; almost. It wasn't enough to quelch the pain or the rage inside him. His mind relentlessly reminded him of how stupid he must have looked during those eight months. How could he not see it? How did he not figure it out? Once the alcohol-induced haze clouded his mind enough, he stumbled out of the bar and took off on foot.

He walked down the familiar streets and stopped in front of a house he hadn't visited in months. He didn't allow himself to think of what he was doing while his fist pounded on the door. Anger and alcohol still tainted his thoughts as he stood impatiently on the door step. He paced frantically across the small porch.

He turned abruptly when he heard the door open.

"Damon?" Andie asked from the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

Instead of answering her verbally, he closed the distance with two large steps and his lips collided with hers in a bruising kiss. He pushed her into the house, and kicked the door closed with his boot. He walked her backwards as he tore her shirt over her head. When he had her trapped against the wall, he pulled away to take off his own shirt, then his mouth latched onto hers once more. He pressed all his weight into her, taking out all his anger on her small body. His hands wasted no time in ridding her of her bra and traveling lower to push her skirt up her legs.

His lips followed his hands and he took one peak into his mouth. Her cries only urging him on.

He pushed every thought from the day out of his mind and all he felt was white-hot anger that only grew because of his hurt. With a feral growl, he slammed his body back into hers, enjoying the way that he didn't need to be careful. That he could punish her the way he wanted to punish Elena.

Andie didn't seem to mind his aggressiveness one bit, because her hands were working hard to rid him of his pants. As she was just pushing the denim down his thighs, he lifted her against the wall and her legs wrapped instinctively around his waist. Her hand was still between them, stroking him into a fever pitch, teasing him relentlessly with the warmth of her hand and the wet warmth of her core.

"God, I need to be inside you, Elena," he rasped into her neck and her hand stilled on him the instant his words hit her. He pulled back to look at her and his confusion only deepened when he saw the anger and hurt on her face.

"I can't do this. I think you need to leave," she hissed as she pushed him away from her and furiously tugged her skirt into place.

Suddenly he fully took in the reality of the situation. He was going to sleep with Andie to punish Elena. He was really going to do it, and he only didn't because Andie stopped him. What kind of person was he? The weight of his actions hit him like a freight train.

He nodded solemnly, and tugged his pants back into place. Both of them avoiding eye contact, he bent down to retrieve their discarded shirts and handed Andie's back to her. No more words were exchanged as he slipped his shirt over his head and promptly left.

All traces of alcohol were seemingly gone when he finally made it back to his car. He started the engine and drove to the only person in the world he could depend on. He pulled into the driveway as the sun was finally setting on the longest day of his life.

He knocked softly and listened to the movements he heard on the other side of the door. The face of his brother appeared as the door was pulled open.

"Damon?" Stefan asked as he took in his brother's disheveled appearance. "What are you doing here?"

With a strangled sob, he collapsed into his brothers arms and finally mourned the loss of his unborn child.

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><p><strong>*ducks* Please don't pitchfork me. Just remember HEA's are my thing. <strong>

**Thanks to Sandra for Beta'ing this for me. You are amazing. And thank you to every person who has given me support with this story and my other story. You guys have no idea how much you help me write.**

**Follow me on twitter: rachellebelle08**

**Reviews are love, even if you're pissed off. Haha**


	12. Chapter 12

**A huge thank you to those of you who returned. I know several readers gave up after the last chapter.**

**A warning right now, if you can't handle angst, I wouldn't recommend reading. Things aren't going to get better right away, obviously.**

**If you want the full, ugly-faced crying effect of this chapter, listen to 'Dreaming With A Broken Heart' by John Mayer and 'Broken Strings' by James Morrison.**

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><p>The five stages of grief:<p>

Denial? Check.

Anger? Double check.

Bargaining? Sure.

Depression? In progress.

Acceptance? Nowhere in sight.

He spent the better part of seven days in and out of a drunken stupor. In and out of crying spells. In and out of angry tirades. He was miserable and most of it was his own damn fault. He could hardly believe that Stefan was still letting him crash at his house.

To say that Stefan was angry with him was the understatement of the century. He was livid. He and Caroline flip-flopped between being angry with him and comforting him. He felt like hell. When Damon finally told him the whole story, Stefan's reaction was one he'd never forget.

"You did WHAT?" Stefan cried as he jumped up from the couch that was across from Damon.

"It was a mistake, a really stupid mistake," he explained, but Stefan was already shaking his head in disagreement.

"A mistake?" Stefan said incredulously. "Almost sleeping with her the first time was a mistake, Damon. This was fucked up and you know it!"

Damon was taken aback by Stefan's language. His brother rarely cursed, in fact, he rarely lost his cool. He could always keep his emotions in check. Almost always.

"God, Stefan, you don't think I know that?" Damon sighed as he dropped his head into his hands and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You're aware that the fact that she lied is now totally irrelevant, right?" Stefan said as he paced in front of the couch.

Damon could say nothing, he could only nod in agreement.

"If you lose her, it's your own damn fault," Stefan hissed before he turned on his heel and left Damon alone.

His relationship was over with Elena, as far as he knew. He screwed up so monumentally that there was no way she'd ever be able to forgive him. Sure, she lied to him about the death of their unborn child. That was huge in his book, but he punished her. He punished her where it hurt. He tried to justify his actions, but it was of no use. He was in the wrong and he had no idea if he could ever make it right. He felt another drunken stupor coming on. He ruined every good thing he had in his life and there was no going back.

He needed to talk to her. He needed to go to her and beg for her forgiveness. But not only did he go to Andie, he left her and told her he wasn't sure if they could be together. He shot himself in the foot, about a million times over.

That all consuming feeling of hopelessness fell over him once more and he drowned himself in his sorrows and a bottle of whiskey.

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><p>She hadn't moved in what seemed like days. Her tears were long gone, but that only left the dry and painful sobs that would rip through her every so often, which would bring on panic attacks, and then trigger her dizzy spells.<p>

She ruined every good thing she had. She knew there was no going back. She brought this on herself and she deserved to live with the consequences. Without Damon. Fear flooded her veins. She didn't know how she'd raise the baby on her own. She didn't remember life outside of Damon, and she didn't want to. He was all she wanted and she was willing to give anything just to get him back. She spent her nights feeling truly alone, praying that there was a way to take it all back.

She missed him.

She would wear his clothes, just to feel near him. She would sleep on his side of the bed hoping to dream of his arms around her. She would sometimes spray his cologne in the bathroom just to smell him again.

She felt like she was turning back into her old self. She felt the numbness seeping in, offering her the tempting relief from her torrential emotions. She tried to fight it with all she had, but some days it was just too hard. She didn't answer her phone. She didn't answer the door. She didn't talk to anyone. She just waited for Damon to call or to come home, but day after day, he didn't return.

She moved through the house sluggishly, the emptiness pressing down on her like a weight. She decided to get some air and opened the front door to sit on the porch. She stood frozen when she saw Andie standing on her doorstep.

Andie's gaze snapped to hers and Elena could see the pain in her eyes. However, that only softened her heart enough to keep from slamming the door in her face.

"Elena, I'm so sorry," Andie sobbed.

"Don't you think you caused enough damage?" Elena hissed, her arms crossed defensively over her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Elena, he just came to me, but I stopped him. I swear," Andie cried and Elena felt her anger slowly turning into confusion.

"What are you talking about? I kicked you out, remember?" Elena snapped. She was not enjoying the images that was bringing up.

"No, not that. He came to me almost a week ago and he was upset, but I turned him down. God, Elena, I'm so sorry." Tears were now streaming down her face, leaving tracks of mascara in their wake.

"What?" Elena whispered. There was no way. She had to be dreaming. Damon would never do that to her again.

"He was upset and he'd been drinking," Andie mumbled, dropping her gaze to her feet. "I know I've been the worst friend. I don't deserve your sympathy, but you deserve to know."

Elena said nothing. Andie stood there for several tense minutes before she got the hint and turned to leave. Elena was paralyzed in the doorway. Her breathing was heavy, her hands were shaking, and tears were stinging her eyes.

Damon wouldn't do that to her. She deserved her punishment for lying to him, but did she deserve this?

She slowly closed the door, pressed her back into the wood, and gave herself over to the tears once more.

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><p>"Damon?" He heard Caroline's tentative voice from the doorway. He was laying on their guest bed, staring at the wall and trying to force the Earth to open up and swallow him whole. After three hours, he was still having no luck.<p>

"What?" he grunted. Pain evident in every move he made. He physically hurt with the guilt that was on his shoulders.

"You know you are going to have to talk to her eventually right?" Caroline said as she crossed the room and perched on the edge of the bed.

"It's going to kill her," Damon's voice was shaky and broken and it hurt Caroline's heart to see such a strong man so utterly shattered.

"Damon," she said softly, placing her hand on his. His pale, almost lifeless eyes flicked to hers, then back to the empty wall. "You are both human. You have both hurt each other in awful ways, but if you lose her, you will never be the same. Your poor baby will have to grow up in a broken home."

His eyes stung with the familiar feeling of tears. He blinked to keep them at bay in Caroline's presence. He hated feeling so weak. He hated being ruled and suffocated by his choices.

"She'll never forgive me," he whispered hoarsely, his chin trembling with the fear that she'd leave him. His life would hold no meaning without her. He knew that, he'd always known that.

"She won't if you stay here and hide from the world," Caroline said gently. "But you need to tell her."

"I'm scared," Damon's voice broke and a few tears broke free. "I can't live without her, Care. I won't survive."

"But she can't live without you either," Caroline said, her own voice shaking with the tears she was holding back. "Please just go talk to her."

"Ok, I will."

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><p>She finally pulled herself together enough to get up off the floor. She moved to the kitchen and made herself a cup of hot chocolate. It was the only thing that would calm her down the past week. Her hands were still trembling as she took small sips of the warm liquid. She stared into space long after she emptied the mug. Her mind was in self-preservation mode. She was familiar with the feeling. It was how she survived those months she pushed everyone that mattered away.<p>

A soft knock on the door caught her attention and her feet automatically carried her toward it. She opened it without checking and was accosted with the sight of Damon on the doorstep. His hair was a mess and still wet, probably from showering. His eyes were dim and his clothes looked like they'd been worn for days.

"Hi," he finally said softly.

"Hi," she replied with no emotion. She was still in shock seeing him.

"Can I come in?" he asked. His eyes were broken and it shattered what little resolve she had.

"It's your house too, so I guess," she replied, her words tasting like bile. She moved to the side so he could enter. She couldn't stop the automatic need to reach out and touch him, but she kept it in check as she closed the door and followed him into the living room.

"Elena, you have to know, I'm so sorry for leaving," he started as soon as she sat on the other end of their new couch. "I was angry and confused and hurt. I didn't know how to handle the information."

"That's understandable, Damon," she said softly, but narrowed her eyes before continuing, "What isn't all right is that you sought comfort in Andie's arms."

If she weren't so hurt, the way his eyes almost bugged out of his skull would've been comical.

"How did you know that?" he asked defensively.

"Does it matter?" she screamed as she nearly shot off the couch. "I hurt you - I know that and I will never be able to forget that."

"God, Elena," he cried, as he dropped his head in his hands. "I feel like hell. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I swear I will spend my whole life making it up to you."

"How am I supposed to trust you?" she shouted in disbelief. "Every time I hurt your feelings, you go run into someone else's arms?"

"I know, I know," his voice was desperate and pleading. He gazed into her eyes, praying she'd see how torn up he was, but he was only met with emotionless brown. "I'll do whatever it takes, Elena. Please." He was not above begging. He would do anything to fix them.

"I think we might need some time apart," she said, her voice void of emotion, as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Please, don't push me away," he stood from the couch to approach her, but she backed away from his advance.

"I hurt you and you lash out and hurt me right back. Right where it hurts," her voice finally broke and he saw all the pain he'd caused her. She took a deep breath before continuing, "I really can't be around you right now."

"What are you saying? Are we... divorcing?" His knees nearly gave out on him as he stated his biggest fear aloud.

"No. I don't know," she shook her head. "But I know that we have no hope of fixing this if I'm around you right now."

"I'm not going to stop fighting, Elena," he said passionately, moving quickly and taking her hands in his before she could move out of his grasp. "I love you, that hasn't changed and will never change." He looked deep in her eyes and saw what he'd done to her. Suddenly, the truth of their unborn child didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter that she lied, that she pushed him away. All that mattered was that he needed her, flaws and all. He couldn't lose her.

"I know. But we've hurt each other so badly, Damon." Her eyes dropped to their intertwined hands. "How are things going to get better? What if love isn't enough?"

"It is enough, Elena," he stated firmly. "You'll see. I will spend my whole life showing you that it is." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she shook her head and pulled her hands from his.

"I'm not so sure it is right now," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I think we need space. And time. Probably a lot of it." She repeated his words from the week before and watched the hurt wash over his features.

As much as she wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him until, somehow, it all got better, that wasn't realistic. Things would never get better that way. Things may not ever get better.

They stared at each other for a handful of strained moments, standing in the wake of their broken marriage. Each of them was hurting, each carrying enough guilt to cripple even the strongest of men. The devastation of their choices was apparent as they both felt the raging ocean between them. The ruins of their shattered relationship were mocking them both.

She took a step back and watched him with watery eyes as he solemnly nodded his head in defeat and walked out of the living room. She waited until she heard the front door click closed before she collapsed onto the couch in a heap. She was numb all over and the feeling, for once, was not welcome. She should've felt something, anything but the overwhelming blackness that clouded her mind. For the first time all week, she realized that she couldn't do it alone. So, with shaky hands, she fished her phone out of her pocket and dialed the only person that she wanted to see. The only person who would be there for her with no judgment. She listened to the ringing on the other end until she heard the voice she was calling for.

"Elena?"

"Can you come over?" she asked in a small, watery voice. "I need you."

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><p><strong>Tears. Tears everywhere. <strong>

**I feel the need to address a few things after the big reactions to the last chapter. Firstly, I do NOT condone cheating whatsoever. I will not support it no matter what. That being said, this is fiction. I wanted to explore a lot of emotions in this fic. It's cathartic to be to write such deep feelings and situations. Secondly, you are probably hating both Damon and Elena right now. That's the point. I wanted them to be as human as possible. Neither one of them is the "innocent" party in this. They both have made mistakes, HUGE mistakes and they are both experiencing the fallout of those from each other and from themselves. **

**Lastly, a lot of people gave up this story last chapter. That's cool. Some people just aren't angst readers. Some people said they just don't see how Damon and Elena could ever recover from what happened. You guys just have to trust me. I know where this story is going and I knew exactly what I was doing when I wrote the last chapter. I never claimed that the journey would be easy, but it will be worth it.**

**Huge AN is officially over.**

Follow me on Twitter: rachellebelle08

**Reviews are love. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Rude reviews are not. Thank you to all who have left passionate and really deep reviews. I really loved reading your thoughts, especially last chapter. It makes me so happy that you guys are just as committed to these characters as I am.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Your reviews for the last chapter blew me away in the best way possible! I loved every single one! **

**I really appreciate you guys being in this for the long haul. This chapter doesn't get any easier, but that's just how it has to go. There is no real reward if you don't have to work for it, right?**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Caroline was on guard for Elena's call. And if Elena didn't call, she was prepared to kick the door down if she had to. However, she wasn't prepared for the sound of Elena's broken voice coming through the speaker of her phone. Her heart ached for her friend and she could feel the pain in her chest. She wasted no time getting in her car and speeding to her best friend's house.<p>

She made quick use of the spare key hidden in the planter by the door, and pushed her way inside. The house was eerily quiet as she crept down the hall. Turning the corner into the living room, she spotted her friend perched on the couch with silent tears streaming down her face. Elena's eyes flicked to Caroline's when she heard her enter.

"Caroline?" she asked in a small voice.

"'Lena," Caroline cried as she rushed to her friend and wrapped her into a protective embrace.

The second she felt Caroline's arms around her, she lost it. Burying her head into Caroline's shoulder, she let out almost a year of heartache, pain, grief, guilt, and devastation. Her chest and heart contracted painfully as the paralyzing sobs ripped through her body.

Caroline just held on as best she could while the torrential emotions ripped through her. Caroline could almost feel the pain in Elena's small form and it killed her to see her best friend hurting so badly.

"It hurts, Care," Elena whimpered into her friends shirt.

"I know it does," Caroline whispered as she ran a soothing hand through Elena's hair.

The sobs eventually subsided and Elena pulled back to look at her friend.

"Did I deserve this?" Elena asked through sniffles. "I know what I did was wrong, but why did he have to sleep with her?"

"He was hurt and he didn't know how to cope with it," Caroline replied with a small shrug.

"So that makes it ok?" Elena felt a surge of anger coursing through her and mixing with all the other emotions on her shoulders.

"No, of course not!" Caroline said quickly.

"How could he do this to me again?" Elena cried as she rose to her feet and started pacing the length of the living room. "I get it, I lied. I know what I did was wrong, but why her?" Tears started to sting her eyes once more and she couldn't believe that she still had tears to cry.

Caroline sat silently on the couch, letting Elena get out whatever she needed and knowing that nothing Caroline said would ease her pain or her anger.

"Am I not enough for him anymore?" Elena finally asked in a small voice. The pain from that statement threatened to take her down once more.

"You know that's not true," Caroline finally piped up, but Elena was already shaking her head.

"No, I don't," she said sadly. "Not anymore."

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><p>She refused to let herself revert back to her old ways. So instead of moping, she got busy. She deep cleaned the entire house, went through boxes, even had a yard sale. She shopped for baby things, spent time with her aunt and her brother, and tried as best she could to not think about Damon. He was giving her the space she needed and she thanked the heavens for small miracles. She fully expected him to show up at the house as often as he could, but there was no sign of him.<p>

Her anger hadn't calmed one bit. She woke up in the morning and could hardly look in the mirror because she was so angry. Angry with herself, with Damon and with Andie. Deep down she knew she blamed herself for everything. For miscarrying the baby and for pushing Damon to run into Andie's arms - twice. If she hadn't lost the baby, if she hadn't lied about it, if she hadn't pushed him away, if she hadn't told him the truth, she'd be happy and in love and she'd still have her husband.

She forced her gaze from the stranger in the mirror, as she did every morning, and got herself ready for the day. She was just finishing her makeup when the door bell rang. Her first thought was that Damon had finally showed up on her doorstep to beg for her forgiveness, forgiveness that she was not ready to give.

She hurried down the stairs and didn't bother to check the peephole. No matter who was there, she'd need to face them sometime. Pulling open the door, a smile stretched across her lips when she saw her Uncle John standing on her door mat.

"Uncle John!" she exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck.

"Hi, baby girl," he smiled into her hair.

"I missed you," she said when she finally let him go. He had been gone for two weeks on business, effectively missing all the drama, but that didn't mean he didn't know about it.

"I missed you, too," he responded, walking into the house with Elena tucked under his arm.

"So, you gonna tell me what happened?" he cut to the chase as they sat down at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee placed in front of both of them.

Elena let out a heavy sigh. She knew it was coming, but she was still unprepared. She didn't want to talk about it anymore, especially with John. There was just something about telling him everything that would make it all real. He became her father for all intents and purposes after her own died.

"Why do you need to hear it from me? You already know what happened," she said while she avoided his gaze, deciding instead to focus on the brown liquid in her cup.

"Elena," he said seriously, the tone in his voice forcing her to meet his eyes. "I know you are hurting more than you let Jenna know." He reached his hand out to cover one of hers and she felt the tears burn and fill her eyes.

"I'm so angry, John," she whispered finally.

"I know you are," he said softly, squeezing her hand in support. "You are allowed to be angry."

Shaking her head, she said, "No, not just at Damon. I'm furious with myself for being the reason he even needed to find comfort elsewhere in the first place."

He placed his other hand on top of their intertwined fingers. "You can't blame yourself, Elena."

"Yes, I can," she said, her voice a little stronger now.

"Look," he said, removing his hands from hers and digging into his messenger bag. He pulled out a manilla envelope and pushed it across the table to her. She looked at him curiously, but he only nodded his head toward the folder. She flipped open the cover and gasped at the papers she saw.

Divorce papers.

"Why are you giving these to me?" she asked, despite the fact that she knew the answer. Jenna told her he'd been very vocal about what Elena should do with Damon.

"You don't deserve this, 'Lena," John said earnestly, grabbing both of her hands in his in a tight grip.

"But I do," she cried. "Everyone keeps throwing Damon under the bus, but does no one remember that I'm the reason he even went to her?"

"It's not the same and you know it," John said harshly.

"Yes, it is the same," she exclaimed, ripping her small hands from his large ones and pushing herself to her feet. She ran a frazzled hand through her "It's the same to me. I lied to him, to everyone, for eight months! I pushed you all away and didn't once explain why. Then, after all those months of not knowing, I drop this bomb on him that he had a child and I lost it and said nothing."

John followed Elena's actions and walked around the table to place his hands on her shoulders and lower his eyes to her level to say, "Elena, that's no reason for him to go run to that woman for comfort; the first time or the second time."

"No, it's not," she shook her head and blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "But I'm saying that I'm not innocent either. I made mistakes. I hurt him, too."

"Just promise me that you'll think about it," John said seriously. She nodded her head solemnly and let him pull her into a hug.

She let herself get lost in the comfort only John could give her. The kind of comfort that fathers gave their daughters. The kind of comfort that made her feel like everything would be ok.

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><p>He knew better than to be drinking during the day. He knew better than to be drinking at all. But for now, that was all he had. He knew Caroline and Stefan were getting tired of having him moping around their house. The only reason they didn't kick him out was that he returned to work in a few days and could stay at the station.<p>

He savored his one and only glass of scotch while he tried not to think of what his life had become. It was nowhere near what he imagined for himself.

Becoming a firefighter was something he'd always wanted. Becoming a husband was never something he pictured himself doing. He was the ultimate ladies man. He loved women and they loved him. Well, all women except for one. Elena challenged him in ways he never saw coming. It took months for her to even accept a date from him. She wouldn't let him kiss her or touch her until their third or fourth date. The second his lips touched hers for the first time, he knew he was a goner. She made him better; she made him stronger and he loved her more than he'd loved any woman in his life.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here," a familiar, condescending voice came from behind him. Damon knew exactly who it was without even turning around. He was officially screwed.

"Hello, John," Damon deadpanned when John slid onto the stool next to him.

"Damon," he acknowledged tersely.

"If you are here to yell at me, you might want to get in line," Damon said while he stared at the amber liquid in his tumbler.

"I'm not going to yell at you," John replied.

"You're not?" Damon asked skeptically as he turned to eye John for the first time since he sat down.

"Nope. I just want to be sure you understand that you ruined the greatest thing that's ever happened to you," John said calmly, despite the meaning behind his words.

"I know," Damon said, hating how he sounded like a chastised child.

"I also wanted to remind you of what I told you the day you married Elena - that I would hunt you down if you ever broke her heart." John had a sadistic-looking smile pulling at the sides of his mouth and Damon knew he was in for it.

"I remember," Damon responded nervously. He didn't know what was coming, but he was not excited for it.

"Then I supposed you won't be surprised when I do this," John said as he rose from his bar stool. Before Damon could even think about reacting, John pulled his fist back and released it across Damon's jaw. The force of the blow knocked Damon's head sideways. He could feel pain radiating through his entire body. John had a mean right hook - that was for damn sure.

He allowed himself a moment to breathe and arrange his features into anything but the shocked expression he was currently wearing. When he finally turned back to a smug looking John, he had his impulse to hit him back under control.

"I deserved that," Damon admitted.

"Oh no," John laughed humorlessly while he shook his head, "You deserved much more than that, but I left my shotgun at home."

Damon probably would have laughed if not for the fact that he knew John was dead serious. Damon sighed and just nodded his head, knowing there was nothing to say to make the situation any better.

"You broke her heart, Damon. I hope you know that," John said in a low voice. "And if you want any hope of fixing things with her, you better man up and start proving that you are the kind of man she deserves."

"I will," Damon said seriously, his voice coming out much stronger than he expected.

"I'll believe it when I see it," John said before he turned on his heel and stormed out of the restaurant.

Damon watched his retreating form until it disappeared from his sight. His jaw was going to bruise, that was for sure. But it was John's words that would stay with him forever.

He'd done the one thing he'd vowed to never do.

He broke her heart.

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><p>Those papers haunted her every thought. She thought about torching them several times. She thought about shredding them. And, sometimes, she thought about reading them. Never in her married life had she considered divorce, never had she considered separation even. She didn't want to divorce Damon - it hadn't even crossed her mind. She didn't know if she could survive life without him. All she knew was that she wasn't ready for him to come back. That thought led her to Stefan's doorstep. She knocked tentatively and she could feel her hands shaking.<p>

It didn't take long for the door to swing open and for her gaze to sweep over Damon standing in the doorway. He looked like a mess. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was all out of place, and his eyes were broken.

"Elena," he whispered her name with a mix of relief, hope, and a little bit of happiness. It killed her that she didn't feel the same, that she couldn't feel the same.

"I'm just stopping by on my way to the store," she said softly, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. He gestured for her to follow him inside.

"I'm happy to see you," he said with a small smile as they entered the sitting room. Once they settled on the couch, he turned to her and took her hands in his.

"I'm ready to come home," he said seriously and put every bit of emotion he could into his voice. She gave him a watery smile and he knew she wasn't here to ask him to come home.

"I just wanted to come by and let you know that maybe you should get some more clothes from the house," she spoke slowly and removed her hands from his.

"What?" he asked incredulously and she could almost hear his heart being torn into shreds.

"I'm just not ready for you to come home yet," she explained as she dropped her gaze to her fidgeting hands.

"Elena," he tried to stop her, but she ignored him and continued.

"And I think it's best that we stay separated for a while longer," she finally finished. She hesitantly lifted her eyes to meet his. He was staring across the room, his eyes not really focusing on anything.

"Are you serious?" he asked when he finally settled his gaze on her.

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't," she said with a shrug.

"You can't give up on me," his voice was desperate and pleading and it hurt her to hear it. She wanted to make it better more than anything, but she didn't know how.

"I'm not," she said softly.

"Please, just let me be there for you and our baby," he said passionately, placing his hand lightly on her knee. "I will spend every day of my life showing you how sorry I am."

She sighed heavily. She believed every word he said, but words couldn't fix them, not anymore. "I'm not trying to punish you and I'd never keep you from our daughter, but I need time to decide if I can forgive you and forgive myself," she explained.

"Don't punish yourself, I forgive you. Forgiveness was never a question," he said earnestly.

A bittersweet smile pulled at the edges of her lips as she reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand. The warmth of his skin filled her veins and she tried to smother the lust the sparked low in her belly.

"I love you, so much, and I know that you love me, but I don't love myself right now. I can't forgive you until I can forgive myself, Damon," she said as she tilted her head to the side to take him in. His eyes never left hers as he reached up and covered her little hand on his cheek with his own.

"I can't lose you. I won't survive without you," he whispered with a shaky voice. His brows knit together and she could see the pain all over his face.

"Maybe you should've considered that before you went to Andie," she responded quietly.

"I'm so sorry," he said, barely able to keep his voice from breaking. His chin was quivering and he was fighting the flood of tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks.

"Me too," she said as she pulled her hand from his cheek and stood up. "Me too."

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><p><strong>I hope you guys are still happy that Elena isn't letting him off the hook easily. <strong>

**Things won't get better for a while, they are both hurting and they both made huge mistakes. They need some time apart to be able to heal properly. But this is going to catapult us right into the last story arc of the story. That should be good to hear, right?**

Follow me on twitter: rachellebelle08

**Reviews are love! (Even if they are passionate reviews!)**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm sorry for the longer wait you guys. I had a lot of this chapter written and I planned on posting this weekend, but if you follow my Twitter you know that I was in no place to write. **

**That being said, this chapter is heavier. I think the worst is over, but there are things that both Damon and Elena need to say to one another. They are both hurt and angry. Damon can't fully comprehend what he did to Elena because he's still hurting from Elena's lies. So bare with him, he'll get it soon enough.**

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><p>Damon pulled up to the house and noted that Elena's car was gone. He breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to face her just yet. He sat in the driveway, in the safety of his car, mentally preparing himself to enter their home.<p>

He couldn't believe that a little over a week ago, he was excited to be in his home. He was even happier when Elena was there with him. He was amazed at how fast things were destroyed between them. With only a few minutes and a few words, Elena successfully eradicated every happy thought in his mind. She not only lied to him, but she also revealed that he had a child he never knew of that he now needed to mourn.

But it was his actions that thoroughly shattered their fragile relationship. Elena had been truly forgiving when he almost slept with Andie the first time. He hurt her so badly then, and he was surprised that they were able to rebuild things after that. However, he went to her a second time, knowing full well that it would kill Elena in the most painful way.

He shook his head to rid himself of his ever-present thoughts and stepped out of his car.

Inside the house, everything looked the same. The furniture was in its place, all the pictures still smiled at him, and it even smelled the same. However, the chill of an empty, lonely house swept through him as he climbed the stairs.

He tried not to let his gaze stray from the task at hand as he entered their bedroom. He rifled through his drawers to pack shirts and boxers. He moved to the closet to gather shoes he would need. As he moved through the racks of clothing, his eyes strayed toward Elena's side. Before he could stop himself, he drifted toward her clothing and ran his hand over the various materials. Ever so slowly, he leaned his head into the soft material of her favorite dress and inhaled her scent. He was flooded with warmth, longing, and memories of happier days. He breathed her unique scent and it nearly brought tears to his eyes, which didn't surprise him. For not being an emotional person, the last week had reduced him to an emotional mess. He didn't put up with anyone's shit, not even from his own father, but anytime he thought about the things he lost, the tears just wouldn't stay away.

His fear of losing her was now real. It was his biggest nightmare come to life. Even while they were only dating, he feared that one day she'd realize that she was too good for him and run for the hills. God knows John told her that enough. But she stayed with him and when she started pushing him away, he thought that was exactly what was happening, he wasn't good enough.

He tore himself from her clothes and forced himself to pack quickly and escape the room that held all the memories that threatened to swallow him whole. He hurried downstairs and stopped in the kitchen to grab a drink of water.

He noticed the table had papers spread across it. With his curiosity getting the best of him, he walked over to the table and rifled through the papers. His heart dropped through the floor when he saw the bolded letters at the top of the packet of papers.

Divorce papers.

He felt nauseas. His whole world had been flipped inside out during the past week, and now this. He wasn't sure how much more he could take before he was left as a shell of a man.

Like some sick twist of fate, he registered the front door opening and the small gasp coming from Elena when she spotted him holding the papers that she had seriously considered torching.

"Damon," she said softly, entering the kitchen slowly as if not to scare him.

"What are these, Elena?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous.

"It's not what it looks like," she whispered, still holding her hands in front of her and inching toward him.

"What the fuck are these?" he repeated, his voice growing louder and more agitated.

"John brought them over a few days ago," Elena said as her steps halted and she dropped her gaze to the floor.

"And you thought you'd hold onto them for a few days to decide how you feel? Why not just throw them out?" he asked, his voice colored with the hurt he was trying to hide.

"Damon," she said again, trying to get him to calm down enough to talk to him.

"I went through hell waiting for you to return to normal. Never once did I ever consider this," he emphasized by thrusting the papers in her direction. "You're giving up, that's what you are doing."

"Then what were you doing when you went to Andie?" Elena snarled. Her anger totally overshadowing the situation she was trying to rectify.

The kitchen went silent and the tension hung heavy in the air around them.

Damon dropped the papers and closed his eyes while he took in a steadying breath. "I don't know how I can show you how sorry I am for that," his voice came out as a mere whisper, but it carried all the hurt and pain he'd been through. His eyes snapped open and then his voice raised to match the anger in them, "I refuse to let you run away from your problems. You are not taking the easy way out!"

"It doesnt change what happened. How am I supposed to trust you?" Elena cried.

"That's what this," he gestured to the papers laying on the table, "comes down to isn't it? Trust?"

"Yeah, I guess it does," she nodded feebly, crossing her arms over her chest in a vain attempt to protect her heart.

"You want to talk about trust? How about the fact that you lied to me about my own child for more than eight months! How about that you just dropped that bomb on me and expected me not to mourn? How about that, Elena? How am I supposed to trust you to not lie to me?" Damon exploded. He had suppressed the need to lash out at her for far too long.

"What was I supposed to do, Damon?" Elena's voice was quiet, much quieter than he expected. "You didn't even know about the baby. I wasn't about to tell you the great news and then rip it from your fingers. It seemed too cruel at the time. I made a mistake, Damon."

"You were supposed to lean on me, Elena! Isn't that what our vows were all about?" Damon hissed, taking a few calculated steps closer to her.

"Don't you start with me about our marriage vows!" Elena snapped violently, thrusting a single finger in his direction. Rage was slowly overtaking every rational thought in her mind.

"Don't you get it Elena?" Damon yelled, throwing his arms out into the space around him. "I would have never gone to her if you hadn't pushed me away in the first place!"

She gasped and flinched as if she'd just been slapped when he realized exactly what he said. The kitchen fell silent once more and the silence was more deafening than anything he'd ever heard. He took another deep breath and ran his hand over his face in an attempt to reign in his temper.

"Shit, Elena. I didn't mean it like that," he sighed as he brushed his stressed hand through his hair.

"It's ok - say it. You blame me for losing the baby. It's not like I don't blame myself every day. It's my fault I lost it. It's my fault you ran to Andie twice. If I hadn't lost it, you would've never run to her - is that it?" she said, her voice deathly low and full of self-loathing.

"That's not what I meant," Damon said seriously. "You know that."

"I know I've made a lot of mistakes. Huge mistakes and I am trying to own up to them. Maybe you need to think about doing the same," she said slowly.

"You don't think I'm owning up to my mistakes?" he asked incredulously. "How many times do I need to apologize to you?"

"You apologize, Damon, I've heard it loud and clear," she said with a humorless chuckle, "But it's not an apology that I need."

"What do you need me to do, Elena? Write it in the sky? Grovel? Fast for forty days and forty nights? What will it take?" His growing frustration was evident in his voice. He was at a total loss to what to do.

"I don't know, Damon. Time, a lot of time," she sighed, her whole body screamed defeat and he realized that their fighting was doing nothing good for their baby.

"C'mon, Elena." He didn't want to wait any more. He could feel her slowly slipping away and it killed him. He was willing to let go of all his anger and hurt just to have her back in his arms.

"We don't trust each other and I think that we need to stay distanced until we are able to rebuild that trust," she said softly.

Deep down, he knew she was right. As much as he wanted to be rid of the pain she caused him, he wasn't. He needed to deal with it on his own. He needed to come to terms with what she kept from him and make peace with that. But he didn't want to be away from her, it would only hurt them more. They needed each other and he wanted nothing more than to support her through her pregnancy. However, he knew Elena and he knew that pushing her would only make things worse.

He sighed and took the remaining steps between them to invade her personal space. Her protruding belly was almost rubbing against his stomach. He felt a small victory when he heard her breath catch at his close proximity.

"If it's space you want, then I'll give you space," he murmured softly, taking great care not to touch her at all. He breathed her in for a second longer before he took a large step backward, leaving her breathless and reeling. He gave her one last look before he grabbed his bag off the floor and disappeared out of the house.

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><p>"Damon!" His name echoed through the loft of the fire station. He was happy to be back to work, back to something he knew, but he just couldn't feel the excitement that he knew he should have felt.<p>

"Hey guys," he greeted half-heartedly. He shuffled off to the sleeping quarters before anyone could bombard him with questions. He unpacked his things mechanically, his mind nowhere near the firehouse. It was about five miles away in his home with his wife and unborn baby.

"You okay, Damon?" a familiar voice sounded from the doorway. He turned to see Rose, everyone's favorite volunteer firefighter, leaning against the doorframe, most likely reading his mind.

"Yeah," he lied quickly, adding a shrug to feign indifference.

"You want to try that again?" she asked, moving further into the room and sitting on the bed behind him.

"No, I'm not okay," he admitted softly. It was true. He wasn't okay and he wasn't going to be okay. The image of those divorce papers spread over his kitchen table haunted his every thought. He turned and dropped down on his bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I fucked up, Rose."

"What happened with Elena?" Rose asked.

Damon's head popped up to give her a searching look. "How do you know it's about Elena?"

"Firstly, you never, ever curse in the firehouse," she said with a small laugh before concern colored her tone, "And mostly because I've never seen you look so devastated."

"I found divorce papers today," he said in a voice just about as small as he felt.

"Oh my God," Rose said, genuine shock written all over her face. "You really did fuck up."

"That doesn't even begin to cover it," Damon groaned.

"What happened?" Rose pried.

"I almost slept with Andie," Damon said quietly, so much so that she had to lean in to hear him.

"Again?" Rose asked, totally outraged. Her rage only grew when Damon reluctantly nodded his head in confirmation.

"Oh, Damon," Rose cried. "Didn't you learn your lesson the first time?"

"She told me why she pushed me away last year," Damon whispered.

"What was the reason?"

"She was pregnant and miscarried," Damon's voice was shaking, but he kept going, "My wife was pregnant and I didn't even know."

"Damon," Rose said sympathetically.

"And all I can think about," he continued, "is that she had to go through all of that alone. I think about how scared, hurt, and heartbroken she must have been. Then I think about how she lied to me for almost nine months and I get so angry. Rose, I'm so angry with her."

"Damon, you're justified in feeling what you feel," Rose said gently.

"But I want her back so bad. I'm nothing without her and when I saw those papers I truly realized how much I need her in my life. I can't live without her and this is all just so damn confusing," Damon sighed and finally looked up at his friend. "She said she needs time to sort everything out and I understand that, but I can't lose her, Rose."

"Then you need to give her that time and take that time for yourself to come to terms with what happened with the baby," Rose said.

"I just want to save my marriage," Damon said, sounding every bit pathetic as he felt.

"Elena needs to learn to trust you again, so use this time apart to remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place," Rose said. "But first, make sure you have made peace with what she did to you. Your relationship will go nowhere if you carry that with you."

"Thanks, Rose," Damon gave her a small smile as she got up from the bed and left him with his thoughts.

She was right, he needed to take some time and really be sure he could forgive Elena for what she did before he could think about fixing their relationship. He needed to fix himself. He deserved to fix himself. Elena deserved it.

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><p><strong>Don't give up on them just yet! Like I said, Damon is slowly realizing the magnitude of what he did to Elena and he'll get a good slap in the face next chapter. <strong>

Follow me on Twitter: rachellebelle08

**Reviews are love!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello my lovely friends! I'm VERY sorry it's been so long between updates. My inspiration hit a wall for a while and I refuse to update a story if I don't feel inspiration for it. I won't do that to my story and I wouldn't do that to you, my readers. I've been working it out with CTM and my new fic, Dancing in the Dark. Thankfully, it has passed.**

**This chapter is not NEARLY as heart aching as the last few have been. I hope you guys enjoy it.**

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><p>"How are you feeling today?" Caroline asked as they strolled through the mall in Fell's Church, the town that housed the closest mall.<p>

"Like hell," Elena grumbled.

"From the pregnancy or from the one who knocked you up?" Caroline asked with a pointed stare as they strolled into the next store.

"You can say his name, you know," Elena said with a little annoyance, heading straight to the maternity section. She couldn't wait until she could wear normal clothes again. She hated maternity clothes, they made her look frumpy and really, really pregnant. The only plus side was that her breasts were huge, but when no one was there to appreciate them, they were just a nuisance.

"Fine," the blonde huffed, "Is it Damon that has you feeling like hell?"

"John brought over divorce papers last week and Damon found them," Elena said with a sigh. She'd been reliving that moment in the kitchen for a whole week now.

"Oh wow, I bet that was a fun conversation," Caroline said sarcastically, her eyes widening slightly.

"More like explosive. He was so upset," Elena mumbled as she held a pair of yoga pants against her legs, trying to decide if they'd fit her.

"That's a good sign, right?" Caroline said from the other side of the rack.

"I could tell he was hurting. Care, I could see the panic in his eyes. He thought I was really considering it," Elena said sadly, as she flipped through the clothing, finding nothing she liked.

"Are you?" Caroline asked seriously.

"God, no!" Elena exclaimed, catching the attention and dirty glares from nearby shoppers.

"Did you tell him that?" Caroline asked.

"I didn't get a chance. He just makes me so angry sometimes. He really knows how to push my buttons," Elena replied, forgetting about the clothes completely.

"Sounds about right," Caroline muttered, pretending to be engrossed in the display of blouses.

"What do you mean by that?" Elena asked, walking to where Caroline was standing, but avoiding her gaze.

"Nothing," she shrugged. Elena just narrowed her eyes. Caroline sighed again before explaining, "It's that you guys almost sound... normal. Well, as far as the two of you go anyway. You guys are good at fighting, I mean, God, that's how you met in the first place."

"How am I supposed to forgive him, Care?" Elena asked, throwing her hands up. "How am I supposed to trust him again?"

"He'll just have to earn it back," Caroline shrugged.

"He hasn't spoken to me in a week. I asked for space, but now that I have it, I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's gone back to work and I just..." Elena's voice dropped off, unable to speak the words she feared most.

"You're worried about your husband and the father of your child. That's allowed, Elena." Caroline placed a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. The gesture nearly brought tears to Elena's eyes. She mentally cursed the hormones running rampant through her body.

"I just can't help but think of how different things would be if I hadn't lost the baby in the first place," Elena said in a small voice, not looking Caroline in the eye.

"You can't honestly believe that a nasty twist of fate was your fault? God!" Caroline cried out, startling Elena and a few other shoppers. "I'm tired of hearing this, Elena! It's not your fault you lost the baby. It's not. Just like it's not your fault that Damon went to that God-awful woman. If I hear you blame yourself one more time, I'm really going to slap you."

"I know that, Care, but the what-if's are always haunting me," Elena sighed, turning back to examine the shirts on display.

"It's in the past, 'Lena. No matter how much you or Damon want to go back and change your mistakes, that's not going to happen. The only thing you have control over is where your relationship will go from here," Caroline said, still ignoring the clothes completely.

"I miss him, Care," she admitted quietly, distracting herself with a bra display. "Some might say that I shouldn't, that I'm better off without him, but I just can't think like that. All the good he has done for me outweighs the mistake he made. It's like I don't want to forgive him because people say that I shouldn't. And no matter how big of a mistake he made, I made one too. I lied to him for almost a year, pushed him away and never bothered to explain why. Neither of us are innocent in this and that's what is making it all so damn hard."

"You don't have to defend yourself to me, Elena," Caroline said gently, giving her a warm smile. "You entitled to feel however you want. There are no rules saying you are only allowed to feel a certain way."

"Thank you," Elena said seriously. They hugged each other for a long moment before pulling back. Caroline's words were just what she needed to hear. To know someone wouldn't judge her for feeling the way she felt. It was liberating.

"That's what I'm here for," Caroline said and shrugged playfully. "Now, what do you say we dress up those new boobs of yours?"

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><p>Working was cathartic for Damon. His own life was falling apart, but he was at least able to save someone else's.<p>

He was trying, really trying to give Elena the space she'd asked for. For once in his life, he finally decided to do what she asked. As much as he wanted to camp out on their front doorstep and wait for her to let him back into their home and into her heart, he resisted. He knew it would only cause her to push him further away.

He sat on the edge of the fire truck, drinking water after they had finished putting out a house fire. He watched as a man finally stumbled out of the rubble covered in soot. He saw the man's wife, a woman Damon had pulled from the fire only minutes before, run toward her husband and embrace him. He wanted to look away and let them have their private moment, but he was enraptured. They both had tears streaming down their faces as they frantically checked over one another for any injuries. And then the man's hand landed on his wife's stomach. They both froze, gazing into each other's eyes. After a few moments, the wife nodded with a smile on her face and the man's eyes lit up. He took her into his arms and held her like she was the only thing holding him to the earth. Damon finally had to look away. His heart couldn't take one more second of it.

The weight of what he did to Elena weighed heavy on his heart and on his mind. He finally forgave her for the secret she kept from him. He realized that he couldn't blame her anymore. It wouldn't get them anywhere. There was no point in beating a dead horse. He knew what he needed to do - he needed to leave the past in the past and start focusing on the here and now.

He was ready to win his wife back. He was ready to do whatever it took to earn her trust. He was ready to face his demons and the mistakes he made. He was ready to accept how much he truly hurt Elena. He was ready to stop fighting for himself and start fighting for her because that was what she deserved.

And he knew just where to start.

It felt like a lifetime since Damon had last stood on that porch. It was almost like it had happened to someone else, like he was watching it all happen looking in from the outside. He didn't like being there, especially with his new understanding of what he sacrificed by being there. What he threw away by being there. Now that he knew just how much he hurt her, he hated standing on that porch. He wanted nothing more than to just turn around and walk away, but this was the first step in making things right. This was the first step in saving his marriage. He was cutting ties.

So, he took a steadying breath and raised his fist to knock on the door. He could feel the anxiety building in his chest. He wanted to run, he wanted to run so badly. Just before he finally gave into the urge to get the hell out, the door swung open.

"Damon?"

He looked up to see Andie standing in her doorway and then something miraculous happened. When he looked at her, he felt nothing. No pull, no attraction, nothing, not even friendship. It was liberating. He wasn't strapped down with the guilt that whenever he saw her, he'd have to fight an attraction toward her. It was a fear he'd been harboring for almost two weeks.

She started to take a step toward him, but he countered with a step backward.

"No, I need you to stay over there," he warned.

"What do you want, Damon?" she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"I want to apologize," he said sincerely and watched the surprise cross her face. "What I did was so low, Andie. You didn't deserve that and I am so sorry."

"You hurt me," she said sadly, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

"I know I did and you didn't deserve that. You don't deserve that," he said honestly. "You deserve to be happy, Andie. I won't make you happy. God, I can't even make my wife happy."

She smiled a sad smile and gazed at him. "Thank you, Damon. You are a good man, never forget that."

"Goodbye, Andie. I hope you have a good life. You deserve to," Damon said with a sense of finality that only made him feel stronger.

"Goodbye, Damon. Go get your wife back - you deserve to be happy too," she replied with tears in her eyes.

"Thank you," he said quietly, giving her a small nod before turning and walking to his car. Once inside the safety of his car, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Relief washed through him and for the first time since his world fell apart, he felt hope.

He drove with a new purpose. He was one step closer to getting his life back. He was ready to do whatever it took. Whatever she needed, he'd be.

He pulled up to his last stop for the day and got out of the car. He tried to push his nerves away as he approached the door, but they just wouldn't budge. He took several steadying breaths as he neared the door. He knew she was home, he saw her car in the driveway and the lights were on. He didn't remember the last time he'd felt so incredibly nervous. He felt like he was fifteen again. He felt like he did the first time he kissed Elena. Or the day he asked her to marry him. He was scared out of his mind.

He was Daniel entering the lion's den.

He didn't think his body would be strong enough to knock on the door, so he settled for ringing the doorbell.

And then he waited.

And waited.

He could hear her moving around the house. She was probably cooking dinner and needed to wash her hands before she answered the door. He smiled, remembering how she could never just wipe the food on her apron. He would always argue that that's what it was there for. Then he'd proceed to smear food across her face, or any skin he could find, waging a full on food fight.

When the door was pulled open, he had a faint smile on his lips that she caught just before it fell.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hi," she replied, equally as breathless.

Their eyes locked and time seemed to slow.

He felt it.

She felt it.

That pull between them, that tether that held them together through everything. That tether that held fast while they hated each other in the early days of their relationship. The tether that only grew stronger when they married. It was still there, holding them together while everything was seemingly falling apart.

"Did you want to come inside?" she whispered finally, not willing to break the moment between them just yet.

"No," he said quietly, shaking his head slightly. "I just came by to ask you a question."

"Oh," she said, deflating slightly, though Damon caught on to the movement. He felt a twinge of satisfaction when he saw the disappointment flash across her face. "What did you need to ask me?"

He dropped his eyes from hers, his nerves taking over again. However, they were not as strong as they were before he laid eyes on her. He took a deep breath and looked up at her once more.

"I wanted to ask you on a date."

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><p><strong>See? Not nearly as heart wrenching as the last. <strong>

**HUGE shout out to Jenn for being my wonderful beta. And a HUGE thanks to all you who read and especially those who leave their thoughts. I really, really appreciate it. More than you know. **

Follow me on twitter: rachellebelle08

**Reviews are love, really they are. You guys seriously make my day. One day, my goal is to get EVERY reader to review. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello lovelies! Thank you all for being so patient and waiting for this chapter. You'll be happy to know that I won't murder your emotions in this update. **

**Thanks again to Jenn, elvishgrrl, who is my awesome beta. You should read her stories. If you love angsty stuff, which I assume you do because you are still reading this, check out her story, Find the River. It's fantastic and heart wrenching all at once.  
><strong>

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><p>Damon's words hung in the air between them for what seemed like ages. He held his breath as the seconds ticked by and he watched the emotions flash across her face.<p>

"Why are you doing this, Damon?" Elena whispered, her voice shaky and threatening to break. There was fear evident in her eyes as she openly gaped at him.

"This is how I earned your trust the first time. This is all I know, Elena," he explained earnestly.

The sincerity in his eyes almost brought tears to hers.

"Damon," she breathed, not knowing what else to say. She was floored. He basically ripped the rug out from under her, just like he always did. He was the only person that could genuinely surprise her.

"Please, Elena. Just give me a chance. I've been dying inside since that day." His voice broke a little and he stopped to take a calming breath. "I just want a chance, Elena. Please."

The sheer honesty and need in his voice and his eyes nearly took her out at the knees. She hated seeing him so broken, no matter if he did it to himself or not. She felt love burn in her heart and her veins as he gazed at her, holding his breath and waiting for her answer.

"Okay," she breathed.

She almost laughed at the way his eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly.

"You'll do it?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I will."

His lips tugged into a lopsided, boyish smile that lit up his whole face and warmed her heart. She was staring at the Damon she fell in love with. The Damon that lived underneath all those thick walls. The Damon that she worked months to uncover and when she finally saw the real him, she fell head over heels in love.

"Okay," he said, his smile still pulling at his cheeks and scrunching his eyes. "Friday, then?"

"Friday," she agreed with a nod.

His smile was intact as he nodded and turned away, practically skipping to his car. She couldn't stop the smile that pulled at her lips watching him walk away. Her heart was pounding and she could feel butterflies in her stomach. How could he do this to her still? After everything they've been through, how could he still make her feel like a love-struck teenager?

She didn't fight her smile as she closed the door and leaned her back against it, rubbing her protruding stomach affectionately.

"Sometimes I never know what to think of your daddy," she whispered to her stomach and smiled when she felt a small fluttering in response.

She floated all the way up to her room. She stripped down to just her underwear and padded across the carpet to the dresser. She completely bypassed her drawers and went straight for Damon's. Slowly pulling open the drawer, she let her fingers drift across the soft fabric of his old, worn college t-shirts. They were faded from age and one too many battles with the washing machine, but he loved them and refused to get rid of them.

She let her hands glide across the various shirts in the drawer, loving the way they felt under her fingertips, picturing the way he looked in each one. How he'd wear them when he worked out or did yard work. She imagined the way sweat would roll down his neck and disappear into the collar of his shirt and the way she'd always want to follow that bead of sweat with her tongue. She smiled at how she'd admire him from the kitchen window while he'd throw around giant sacks of fertilizer, enjoying the way his biceps corded under his skin, and wishing she could just walk out there and rip that shirt off him altogether.

She tugged his favorite shirt - the first one he received from the Mystic Falls Fire Department - from the drawer. She held the fabric to her nose and inhaled the familiar scent of him; laundry detergent, musk, and something just so uniquely Damon. Slipping the shirt over her head, she padded back across the room and crawled into the bed on his side. She snuggled into his pillows and let his scent envelop her.

She missed him. She missed sleeping in the same bed as him. She missed waking up to him, walking past him in the bathroom, and laughing in the kitchen. She longed for the simple times, for the days before she got pregnant the first time. But for the first time in almost two weeks, she didn't cry herself to sleep. Instead she caught herself smiling into his pillow, counting down the days until Friday.

* * *

><p>"You seem unusually chipper," Stefan commented from his spot on the sofa as Damon strolled through the door.<p>

Damon shrugged, trying to feign indifference, but failing miserably. The freakish grin on his face gave him away.

"What did you do, Damon?" Stefan asked warily, his eyes following Damon as he walked to the liquor cart on the other side of the room.

"Oh, calm down, Stef. I didn't do anything stupid this time. I swear," Damon said with a roll of his eyes. Typical Stefan, assuming he'd screwed up. However, this time around, Damon knew his track record was pretty pathetic. He deserved all the suspicion in the world, but he would show that he could be trusted to make the right decision.

"Well, what did you do then?" Stefan asked, giving Damon his full attention.

"I may or may not have asked my wife on a date," Damon said with a mischievous smirk, uncapping the large pitcher of bourbon.

"Damon," Stefan sighed, "are you sure that's a good idea right now?"

He rolled his eyes as he poured himself two fingers of the amber liquid.

"Well, she said 'yes', so it couldn't have been too bad of an idea." Damon moved across the room and flopped into the armchair adjacent from the couch Stefan was perched on. "Besides," Damon continued, his voice serious. "Like I told Elena, this is how I earned her trust in the first place. So it can't be a bad place to start."

"Color me impressed," Stefan said, leaning back into the couch. "But, I just don't want to see you get your hopes up."

"My hopes up for what? To win my wife back? What else should I hope for? Just sit and wait for my marriage to fall apart? For my child to grow up in a broken home? No, thank you, Stefan. I am getting my hopes up because I refuse to think of any other outcome," he snapped then downed his drink in one gulp before getting up and storming out of the room. He knew Stefan was looking out for him, but a little faith would've been nice.

He made it only a few steps down the hall before he saw Caroline staring at him, her face unreadable.

"You asked Elena on a date?" she asked, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"Yes, I did," he sighed. "Are you going to berate me for it as well?"

She shook her head jerkily, her features softening and only then did he notice her eyes were glassy with tears.

"I think that's really sweet, Damon," she said quietly. "It'll be a lot of work to get her trust back, but I think you can do it."

"Thanks, Care," he replied softly before he moved past her and into his room. The smile he had when he walked into the house returned. He had Caroline's support, that was huge. Now there was nothing left for him to do but wait. He wasn't quite sure how he'd swing it.

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><p>It was Friday. She wasn't sure how she survived the week. She'd been going between excitement and anxiety whenever she thought about their impending date.<p>

As five p.m. finally rolled around, she launched herself into the shower, giving herself ample time to get ready before Damon arrived at seven. She wondered what this evening would hold for their relationship. Could they ever trust each other again? He had sought comfort in the arms of another woman. He'd betrayed her. How could she forgive him?

How could he trust her? She'd lied to him for over eight months. She'd pushed him away without so much as an apology or explanation. She'd withheld the information about his child and let him think that whatever she was going through was his fault.

God, they were screwed up. Neither innocent, neither left without a broken heart. Unbidden, the image of Damon's face when she finally told him the truth came to her mind. It was at that moment when she'd truly seen the damage she'd done. She had broken him. She'd been the sole reason for the anger she'd seen raging on his face, for the desolate expression in his eyes that he had tried to hide. Damon was the strongest man she knew and she had broken him.

She dried her hair as she pondered whether or not she wanted to fix them. Could she trust him to stay faithful? Could he trust her to be honest? She knew they had a mountain of issues to work through, but she couldn't imagine life without him. For over eight months she'd avoided him like the plague and he'd stayed firmly by her side. He never once left her, he hadn't suggested separating or divorcing. He'd taken the news of her current pregnancy in stride, committing to join her at all of her appointments. He'd been clearly distraught over the event that occurred after she told him about the baby. He was making a Herculean effort to fix things between them. The thought warmed her heart. He was ready to put in the effort - but was she?

As she stared at herself in the mirror, brown hair falling softly over her shoulders, proud baby belly poking out beneath her shirt and making its presence known, but tired, lifeless eyes that were missing the love and companionship of her husband. Yes. She was ready to put forth the effort. Their relationship and their child were worth it.

With a renewed excitement, she applied a little blush to her cheeks, mascara to her lashes, and gloss to her lips. She moved around her room, putting on her new bra and underwear set that she bought with Caroline. She slipped into her favorite yellow sundress, happy that it still concealed most of her baby bump. Just as she slipped into her navy Tom's - the only cute shoes that still fit her swollen feet - the doorbell rang. She glanced at the clock, 7:02, right on time.

A thrill of energy ran down her spine as she descended the stairs, grabbing her purse on the way to the door. Pulling the door open, she was accosted with the sight of Damon clad in dark, well-fitting jeans and a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was the definition of sexy. In his hand, he held a bouquet of pinkish yellow tulips. Her favorite. Her wedding flowers.

"For you," he said, holding out the bouquet he saw her eyeing.

"Thank you." She smiled and took the flowers from him and turned to walk to the kitchen. He followed her slowly, his hands in his pockets, feeling like a stranger in his own home. The thought was unsettling and one he banished immediately. He leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen and watched her find a vase, cut the stems, and fill the vase with water. She placed the vase in the middle of the island and took a step back to admire her handiwork.

"I need to tell you something before we leave." Damon's weary voice cut through the comfortable silence, filling it with tension.

"What is it?" she asked cautiously, dread washing over her. This wouldn't be good.

"I went to Andie's," he explained carefully, watching her face for any reaction.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked defensively, taking a step away from him.

"Because I'm trying to earn your trust back and that includes being completely honest with you. I went there to apologize. I knew that the best way to move past this was to burn that bridge for good." He closed the distance between them slowly, but she didn't back away or pull away when he held her hands in his. "That lapse in judgment is in the past now, Elena. What I did to her was abhorrent and low and she didn't deserve to be treated like that. Then I think about how much worse it was for you and that kills me. I'm trying to fix this the only way I know how."

"What did you say to her?" Elena heard herself whisper as she searched his eyes, seeing nothing but longing and sincerity.

"That I couldn't make her happy. That I couldn't even make you happy," Damon explained quietly, dropping her gaze.

"Hey," she whispered, detangling one hand from his to tilt his chin and force his eyes to lock with hers. "Thank you for telling me." Her heart warmed at the shy smile that pulled at the edges of his lips. That smile made him look like a little boy and it made her just want to take him in her arms.

"Shall we go?" he asked after a few silent moments.

"Please."

-BREAK-

"A carnival?" she asked, childlike glee leaking into her voice as Damon held the car door open for her.

"Yeah, you ready to get your butt kicked?" he said with a mischievous smile.

"It's on, Salvatore," she replied, his excitement infectious.

He took her hand in his and led her into the carnival. Her stomach erupted with butterflies at how normal they felt. To the outside world they looked like a normal expecting couple without a care in the world. The thought that they were anything but a normal happy couple had her smile slipping off her face.

Damon tugged her along to the first booth, the classic milk bottle booth. He gave her a victorious smile before handing a few dollars to the booth worker. The smile that had slipped off her face only moments before came back with a vengeance as she watched him limber up playfully, getting ready to throw one of the baseballs on the counter.

She watched, enraptured, as he weighed the baseball in his hand and carefully took aim. She could see his bicep flex under his shirt as he hurled the ball toward the stack of milk bottles, missing completely. A hysterical giggle bubbled out of her lips and he looked at her with mock offense.

"You think you can do any better?" he teased heartily.

"Actually I do," she countered, taking one of the balls off the counter and taking aim. She released the ball, successfully taking down all three bottles in one shot.

"That was a lucky shot," Damon said as she turned and shot him a triumphant grin.

"I think someone is a sore loser," she sing-songed.

"I'm offended by that, Elena," he declared, holding his hand over his heart.

"Aw, is the baby sad that he got beat by a pregnant woman?" Elena cooed at him with a dramatic pout.

"Just take your stuffed animal and be quiet." He gestured toward the booth worker who was holding out a large stuffed rabbit for her.

Before she had a chance to respond, a shrill voice cut through the sound of the surrounding crowd.

"DAY-MIE!"

They both turned in time to see a mass of strawberry blonde hair flying at them. Without a moment's hesitation, Damon dropped to his knees and held his arms out to catch the flying two year old.

"Hi, munchkin," Damon said with a laugh as he lifted the little girl into his arms.

"Hey guys," Elena greeted Alaric and Jenna as they walked up to them hand in hand.

"Tinsley, why don't you tell Uncle Damon what you did?" Alaric prompted.

"What did you do?" Damon asked, turning to the little girl in his arms.

"I petted a cow!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide and sparkling.

"You did?" Damon asked, putting as much joy into his voice as was in hers.

"Uh-huh." She nodded. "But it was stinky!" she said, completely disgusted.

Everyone let out a howl of laughter at the little girl who beamed, loving being the center of attention.

Elena gazed at Damon who was chatting animatedly with Tinsley. She felt her heart lurch watching him interact with the little girl. It was so obvious how smitten he was with her - he was wrapped around her little finger and Elena couldn't help but picture him with their own daughter. If he loved Ric's daughter so much, how enamored would he be with his own little girl? The thought made her heart fill with burning love and brought tears unbidden to her eyes.

"You okay?" Jenna asked quietly, moving to stand closer to her niece.

Elena nodded and looked at her aunt with watery eyes.

"I think we're going to be."

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><p><strong>See? That wasn't so bad! <strong>

**Thank you all for reading, you are all amazing and I wish I could give you all your own Ian Somerhalder.  
><strong>

**Reviews are love!  
><strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm sorry it's been a while since the last update, but I got distracted by the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. SO GOOD, btw. **

**Anyway, I'm back full steam ahead. Thanks to Jenn for being my awesome beta.**

**I will warn you, we are bringing the angst back. **

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><p>"I had such a good time tonight, Damon. Thank you," Elena said once they reached the porch.<p>

"Thanks for coming. It felt so good to see Tinsley again. God, I missed that little girl," Damon replied with a wistful smile. The smile that warmed her to her soul.

"She loves you," she said almost unconsciously.

"Gotta love childhood innocence when they don't know any better," he said with a sad shrug.

She tilted her head to the side and sighed. "Damon."

"I'm sorry, I just wish our child didn't have to live in a world where her father is a monumental fuck-up," he said in a low voice, his eyes sad and desolate. It only lasted a moment before he recovered quickly with an awkward chuckle. "Wow, sorry, this is getting way too heavy for a first date. I'll let you get inside."

She wanted so badly to refute his statement. The pure hatred and self-loathing in his voice nearly broke her, but she knew better than to try and argue.

"Goodnight, Damon," she whispered as she stared up into his handsome face. She had married a looker that was for sure and the years had only been good to him. He was still all broad shoulders, muscular arms, lean waist, and long powerful legs.

"'Night, Elena," he responded in a low gravely voice that called to her on a whole different level of intimacy.

Before he turned to leave, he leaned ever so slowly into her and planted the softest of kisses on her cheek. She was spellbound. God, she missed the feel of his lips against her skin. He lingered for a moment longer and all she could feel was his warm breath on her ear. It was heavenly. All too soon, he pulled back with a small humbled smile on his face. Then his eyes dropped to her small belly and his hand lifted as if on it's own accord. His fingertips swept as light as a whisper down her swollen middle. The contact made her gasp. Before she could respond properly, he had already dropped his hand and started to walk away. She was left dumbfounded, forced to just watch him as he crossed their yard and climb into his truck.

Her fingers absentmindedly stroked the path his fingers took as she watched him drive away.

* * *

><p>After the initial giddiness from the date wore off, she felt an overwhelming amount of uncertainty. Where did she and Damon stand? Who would contact whom now? Should she reach out to him or wait for him to make a move? What did she even want?<p>

She realized that she would need to be the one to set the boundaries and to call the shots. She was the one keeping him at arm's length. Yet, she didn't know what she wanted. Cheating isn't something she ever thought she'd have to deal with. She didn't want to trust him, yet the thought of spending the rest of her life without him was unbearable. She missed him, plain and simple. She missed his presence in their home. She missed seeing him after a long 72-hour shift at the fire station. She especially missed reconnecting with him after those shifts. Her mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and as much as she'd like to blame the pregnancy hormones, she knew it was all her own doing. God, how did they ever get this far off track? Their life together was never supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be happy together. They were supposed to push each other's buttons, fight and then make up. They were never supposed to end up like this.

Two days later, she was still in her funk. She had no idea where to take things with Damon. She didn't even know how she'd go about it once she did know.

In the midst of all her turmoil she realized she forgot to schedule her car for an oil change. It was usually something Damon took care of, but she hadn't known whether she should call him or not. She sighed heavily and grabbed her keys, hoping that the auto shop didn't have a very busy day today.

She froze mid-step when she approached her car only to see two denim-clad legs poking out from underneath the vehicle. A brief moment of panic set in before she realized that she knew those jeans very well. They were soft and faded from one too many tussles with the washing machine. They had a rip at one knee and they were splattered with oil, paint, dirt, and other things that would never come out of the fabric. A small, hesitant smile graced her lips as she watched him work. She promised herself that she'd only gawk at him for a few moments, but then he rolled out from underneath the car and his eyes landed on her immediately. Caught red-handed. And good Lord, he was shirtless.

"Hi," she said shyly after a few moments of silence when she realized that she was going to have to be the first to speak.

"Hey," he replied as he wiped his hands on a small rag and leaned his hip against the bumper of her SUV. "I knew your car was going to need a change soon, so while I was at it, I did a full check up."

The smile on her lips only grew at his admission. He was only doing the same things he'd always done for her, but somehow this felt bigger. It was different. It meant more. She lied to him. She kicked him out. She was pushing him away, giving him no reason to even try any longer. Yet here he was. Her heart warmed with gratitude toward this man. He was showing her that things weren't going to change; that he was still going to be the husband and the man she fell in love with. He was showing her rather than telling her that their relationship would always be and has always been his number one priority. He wasn't just doing these things as an apology; he was doing them as her husband.

He was working so hard for her, but what was she doing for him? He was so caught up in what he did to her that he had completely disregarded the fact that she hurt him, too. And that the way she hurt him was the catalyst for what he did. She knew what he did wasn't her fault, but she was also willing to accept the fact that if she never lied, they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

"Anything else you need while I'm here?" Damon asked as he closed the hood of her car. "The shower drain clogged yet?" His smile only deepened when she didn't respond.

"I'll take care of it," he chuckled as he walked past her into the house.

And that's how the week continued. Damon showing up randomly and fixing things, painting the nursery, putting together the crib, working on the garden, washing her car. Things he always did around their home. It was almost normal, but every night he'd be gone and she'd be alone again. It became more and more painful each day he'd show up and then disappear again. What hurt the most was knowing she was the reason he didn't stick around. She'd asked him not to. Every time she got up the nerve to ask him to come home, images of he and Andie would play in her mind. They were like poison, sucking the life from her.

Her heart wanted him back, but her brain had other ideas.

* * *

><p>He paced around the guest bedroom he'd taken up residence in at Stefan's house. God, he was ready to be back in his own home, in his own bed, snuggling with his wife. Right now he'd even settle for sleeping on the couch in his home. He glanced out the window and watched the storm rage on, gaining power as it rolled through Mystic Falls.<p>

Just as he decided to give into a drink a bit stronger than the water bottle in his hand, the power went out completely.

"Shit!" he cursed as he fumbled out of the room and down the hall. This was a bad storm and he had a hunch it was only going to get worse. He knew he needed to get to Elena. Her parents died in a storm just like this one and she'd been afraid of them since. He checked his pocket for his keys and stumbled out of the house and into his car. The rain was relentless as was the thunder and lightning, but he really didn't care, he just knew he needed to get to Elena.

It took him twice as long to drive to their home, but it only took him half the time to cross their yard and open the front door. The house was pitch black and the only sound he could hear was the whooshing of the wind and rain and the occasional clap of thunder. He felt around for the entry table and opened the drawer finding the ever-present flashlight. He praised himself for always keeping their flashlights stocked with fresh batteries when it clicked on.

"Elena?" he called out, directing the beam of light down the hall.

"Damon?" He heard her quiet reply and followed the sound of her voice into the living room. She was curled in on herself on the far corner of the couch. He shrugged out of his jacket and rushed to her side. He didn't hesitate a moment before taking her into his arms. She was trembling slightly and that only had him tightening his arms around her small frame.

He whispered soothing words into her hair, taking every opportunity to breathe in her scent and commit it to memory. Soon enough, she'd calmed down and he set off to find their emergency candles. He made quick work of lighting them and spreading them out through the living room before joining her on the couch once more.

Silence descended on them as they sat in the candle-lit room. The ambient glow was making things far more intimate than he'd intended. He waited in the dim light for her to say something. Anything. Kick him out, maybe. But the silence stretched on.

"I never meant to keep it from you." Elena finally broke the silence.

"So why did you?" he asked quietly, fully aware he was treading on thin ice.

There was a long pause, so long that he thought she wasn't going to answer. "Because I never wanted you to see me as a failure." She shifted on the couch so she was facing him.

"I could never-"

"I never thought I was good enough for you," she cut him off in a rush. "I never understood why you wanted me. Then I lost the baby and I felt like I failed you. I failed our relationship and I was so afraid that I'd never be able to give you what you wanted. A family."

Her revelation hit him like a sledgehammer. How did they drift so far apart that she could ever think she failed him?

"Were you scared?" he asked softly, the dim light of the room making him brave.

"Terrified," she answered simply, meeting him right in the eye. "I didn't know what was happening to me and it hurt - God, it hurt so bad!" Her eyes closed as if she was reliving the pain all over again. "Then all of a sudden all I could think about was protecting my baby. It was the most important thing in the world, but before I could take any action," she took a shaky breath, "it was gone. And all I could think about was that if I'd recognized the symptoms sooner or reacted faster, I wouldn't have lost her. I have come to terms with the fact that I couldn't have done anything different to prevent it from happening, but when it happened, the what-ifs plagued my mind like a disease slowly eating away at me until there was nothing left."

The pain he'd been trying to come to terms with for weeks came rushing back to him.

"I wish you would've let me in," he said, shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair. "Elena, I could've been there for you. Instead I was just forced to sit on the sidelines and just watch as my wife slipped from my fingers and wondering what I had done to deserve it."

When he glanced back up at her, her eyes were filled with tears. "What I lied about was horrible, Damon. And you need to know how sorry I am for lying to you for so long and for pushing you away." She leaned across the couch and held his hands in hers. "You didn't deserve that. I know you've said you've forgiven me, but I didn't ask for it, so I am now."

He stared at her for several long moments, trying to find the words to reply. He was at a total loss. Before he could say more, Elena dropped his hands, grabbed the flashlight and left the room with a quick "hold on".

When she returned, she was holding something small in her hand. He tried to make out the small object, but it was too dark. His eyes followed her as she crossed the room and sat in the same position she'd been in earlier. She took his hand in hers and pressed the soft, small objects into his hand. Baby booties.

"They are so little," he mused in quiet awe. He turned them over and over in his large hands. He tried to wrap his mind around how small a baby would have to be to fit these. Something that small he'd surely break.

"I bought these to give you at dinner that night," she said while he ran his fingertips over the soft fabric of the baby shoes. "When I got them everything became so real. I was so excited to tell you. I could picture the elated look on your face; maybe you'd tear up. I knew you'd be an amazing father and I was so excited to see you in action." The smile in her voice caught and held his attention. He looked up at her and couldn't help smiling in return.

"How are you feeling? You know, with the baby?" he asked her, his eyes flicking down to her swollen stomach.

"Good," she replied, her eyes lighting up. "She's been kicking a lot. Here, feel." She reached out to grab his wrist and pull him closer so she could place his hand on her belly. His fingers spanned almost over her whole stomach. Under his palm, he felt little sporadic movements. His heart swelled with pride. Half of him was in there, half of him helped form the tiny human in his wife's stomach. His skin got tingly and warm and he felt an embarrassingly large urge to weep with joy.

"She's moving a lot," he said with a smile as he placed his other hand on her belly.

Her hand came to rest over both of his. "She knows her daddy is here."

His breath caught in his throat and his eyes locked with hers as the air in the room changed dramatically. The only thing he could hear was his heavy breathing mixing with hers. The next moment, her hand shot out and wrapped around the back of his neck to pull his lips to hers. It was like dropping a lit match on a puddle of gasoline. It had been so long since his lips last touched hers. So long since he held her in his arms and felt her breasts pressing against his chest. So long since her tongue snuck into his mouth. So long since he settled just right in the cradle of her hips. So long since her fingers tangled into his hair and her nails raked down his back. His body stirred in response to her. Every part of him had missed the feel of her, her touch, her kiss, her everything. But when her hips started surging against his, only causing his pants to get tighter, alarm bells went off in his head. This was all way too soon.

"Hey, let's slow this down," he whispered as he pulled his lips from hers.

"Don't stop, Damon. I don't want you to stop," she responded breathily, her eyes still closed and her body moving against his. When he didn't react, her body froze and her eyes shot open.

"I just don't think now is a good time," he said softly while he brushed stray hairs off of her face and tucked them behind her ear with care.

"For God's sake, you never turned Andie down," she cried out in frustration. He felt as if he'd been slapped and he moved off of her as if he actually had been. The shame and guilt lanced through him. He'd been so stupid to think they were moving past that. Stefan was right - she'd never forgive him.

He heard a small gasp before he heard her say, "I'm so sorry, Damon."

He arranged himself quickly and stood up off the couch, pretending he didn't hear her. He walked to the nearest window and looked out onto the street. "The storm is letting up." His voice was so monotone and numb, like he felt. He tried to feel nothing as he picked up his jacket from where he dropped it and slipped his arms inside.

"Damon, don't leave like this," Elena begged in a panicked voice. He turned to see her approaching him with pity in her eyes. Pity that made him feel sick.

"Like what, Elena?" he snapped at her. "Angry? Hurt? Upset?"

"I didn't mean that," she said quickly, her voice high pitched from the desperation.

"Yes, you did," he said, his voice more exasperated than anything. "Because no matter what I do or how hard I try, it's never going to be enough for you. You're never going to be able to look past that."

"I just need some time," she said sadly.

"If you want me to sign those papers, I will. I love you so much, but we're only hurting each other by holding on. No matter how hard I work, we are going to keep coming back to the same place. I can't change the mistakes no matter what I'd give to do so." The heartbreak in her eyes almost made him take it all back and take her in his arms again, but he wouldn't do that to her.

"I don't want that," she cried out, trying to reach for him, but she dropped her hand when he stepped out of her reach.

"But you don't want to move past this either," he said simply.

"Damon," she begged.

"I'll be by to pick up the rest of my stuff by the end of the week." He gave her one last look before he turned and walked to the door.

"Damon!" He heard her almost scream his name as he approached the door, which he ignored with much difficultly. The sound would surely haunt him for the rest of his life. Like he would have a life. Elena was his life and he was letting her go. Without a look back, he carefully shut the front door and braced himself against the steady rain to his car.

She stared at the door in disbelief after he walked out. He walked out. She lost him and in turn, lost herself.

All that echoed in her mind was the soft click of the front door being closed behind him.

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><p><strong>If you all survived the angst fest that was chapters 11 and 12, then you'll survive this, I promise.<strong>

**I'm thinking there will be about 5-7 chapters remaining, depending on where my Musie takes me. But for right now that's what I'm thinking. **

**Thanks for reading, you guys are seriously some awesome troopers. That or some angst whores like me! LOL**

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	18. Chapter 18

**I know you guys are probably sick of hearing this but... THANK YOU for your amazing reviews and for just plain reading this story. I've put you all through a lot and there is just a little bit left, I have faith you guys will survive. I really do.**

**I will, however, warn you that this chapter was written during a REALLY crappy week and I kind of took out my stress and frustrations on this chapter. It wasn't originally going to be this angsty, but I wasn't feeling very kindly toward these characters. So they get kicked around a little. Now, if I haven't successfully scared you away... enjoy!**

**PS: If you want the full-on angst, listen to Ashes and Wine by A Fine Frenzy, Dreaming With A Broken Heart by John Mayer, and The Mess I Made by Parachute.**

* * *

><p>She didn't know it was possible to be this lonely. It hurt to live without Damon the weeks he spent at Stefan's, but now it was worse, definitely worse. Everything felt empty. His t-shirts no longer took up space in their dresser, his clothes no longer hung in their closet, his body wash no longer stood in their shower. She couldn't even smell him on the sheets anymore. The only proof that he was ever in her life was the baby in her stomach, the hole in her heart and the photos of them on the walls.<p>

He gathered his things when he said he would, making sure his pick-up happened at the same time she was out with Caroline. She came home to find every trace of him gone. It hurt worse than anything she'd dealt with in the past year. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him walking out of the house for good. She wondered if it was possible for her heart to hurt any more, but she could almost feel the pieces chipping away and soon she'd be left with nothing.

She replayed that moment over and over again. She should've never let him walk out. She should've made him stay, made him understand that she really was coming to terms with their situation, that what she said was only a slip of the tongue, not how she really felt. That her forgiveness was not in question, that she only needed a little more time. That she knew how hard he'd tried to fix things between them, that she appreciated it more than he could know.

Now that he was out of her life, she realized that the images of him and Andie stopped appearing in her mind. She was holding herself back to avoid getting hurt and then ended up hurting him. She pushed him away so much that he finally gave up. She took for granted that he was so strong, so resilient. She almost forgot that he was only human - a human that made a mistake and was trying his hardest to fix it and she only threw it back in his face. God, she deserved to be miserable.

She moved through the next four weeks like a zombie. There was nothing left of her to give. She was living without her other half. She carried a part of Damon so close, yet he was so far away. She felt guilty for not being able to take care of herself for her baby, but without her husband, her life was almost nothing. As cheesy as it sounded, he completed her. He was the sandpaper that smoothed her rough edges. He calmed her, he made her smile, he held her when she cried and he held onto their relationship even when it hurt him so much to do so.

She had tried to call him countless times, finally now she ended up here - on Stefan and Caroline's doorstep where she knew he was staying.

"He's not here," Stefan told her as he leaned against the door jamb.

She let out a painful breath. Any hope she was holding onto was slowly slipping out of her reach. "Will you tell him I came by? And that I love him?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Elena," he said with a sad shake of his head. The pain on his face was clear as day.

"Please, Stefan," she nearly begged, fighting the stinging she felt behind her eyes.

"He's in a bad way, Elena," Stefan said quietly. "My brother is the strongest person I know and I've never seen anyone like this." The picture he painted was a hard pill to swallow. She did this to him. She broke him.

"God, I never wanted to hurt him," she almost sobbed. She brought a hand up over her mouth to attempt to calm her breathing.

"Didn't you?" Stefan asked pointedly.

"What are you saying, Stefan?" she asked warily.

He took a deep breath before explaining, "I know what my brother did was despicable and believe me, I tore him a new one for that, but don't you think you were trying to punish him? Make him feel a little of the pain you felt after what he did?"

"I never wanted to hurt him," she cried. Stefan's figure became blurry as the tears she was fighting filled her eyes

"What Damon needs is for you to let him go. It's only hurting him more to keep trying to fix something that's beyond fixing." Stefan's words sent the tears rolling down her cheeks. "He can't keep trying and then get all of his work thrown back into his face by the person he loves most in this world."

She was already shaking her head. "I can't let him go, Stefan. I need him." Her voice finally broke and her chin was quivering with the amount of strength she was using to compose herself.

"You are allowed to be hurt," Stefan said softly with sympathy in his voice. "And no one can tell you how you are supposed to deal with a situation like this, but Damon has tried so damn hard to make it up to you, to move past his mistakes. He's far from perfect, but his love for you?" He paused a moment. "That was perfect. He could never love anyone as much as he loves you."

Stefan was only reiterating what she already knew herself, but somehow, hearing it out loud broke her all the way to her soul. "God, I'm so stupid." She covered her face with her hands while the tears rolled relentlessly down her cheeks. It was all such a mess.

"You asked for time and now that's what he needs." Stefan was right and as much as she wanted to hate him for the things he said, she couldn't fault him for standing up for his brother. She'd always known that when it came to them - despite the fact that they could fight like dogs - they would defend each other to the death.

Just then, Damon's car pulled into the drive and both of their head snapped around to see him climb out of it. His eyes met hers briefly - his usual blue eyes were a dark, dull gray - before they dropped to the ground. He looked awful. He had clearly lost weight. His cheeks were hollow and he was wearing a suit that was almost drowning him. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd lost the weight in these past few weeks or if she'd been doing this to him for the past year.

"Damon," she whispered as he approached them.

"I have something to give you," he said, his voice monotone and so un-Damon.

"Okay," she whispered as she watched him disappear into the house and then reappear a few moments later with a manila folder in his hands.

"Everything should be signed," he said as he handed the folder to her.

With shaky hands, she flipped open the cover to reveal a copy of their divorce papers with his signature on every line that asked for it. She stared at it until her vision became blurry with tears.

"I don't want this, Damon," she said softly, lifting her eyes from the papers to him.

"Me neither," he replied, his eyes still focused on the ground.

"We'll find a way - please don't do this," she begged, fresh tears escaping from her eyes.

His eyes snapped to hers and she saw the fire there, the anger. "I tried to find a way, remember?"

They stared at each other in tense silence for what seemed like hours. "I love you," she finally whispered, the image of him so distraught causing her voice to break.

"I know," he said with a resigned sigh.

"But it's not enough is it?" she prompted.

He shook his head with a rueful smile. "It's always been enough," he said seriously. "It's my love that isn't enough for you."

His words stunned her. His self-loathing knew no bounds. He truly believed that his love wasn't enough. There had to be something she could say, some way to make him see that his love was enough, it had always been enough. It was her who wasn't worthy enough to realize.

"Damon." She tried to reach for him, but he recoiled from her advance, causing a new wave of tears to roll down her cheeks. That moment stung.

"Please, just go," he whispered brokenly. His shoulders sagged as if the weight of the world was on them. She couldn't help but remember she'd said the same things to him mere months ago. Was this how much she'd hurt him? Was this what he'd felt like?

As he closed the door on her, she felt like he was closing the door on their life together, their relationship, and their love. The thought was staggering. She couldn't lose Damon.

She refused to lose him.

* * *

><p>"Do you think he'll come around?" Elena asked quietly, seeking refuge in her aunt's kitchen. Jenna and Caroline had teamed up and thrown her a baby shower. The gesture was sweet and she felt blessed to have people who cared for her. For the first time in weeks she found it easy to put a smile on her face, but now she was desperately seeking a break.<p>

"I don't know, Elena," Caroline sighed as she arranged deviled eggs on a large platter.

"But he said he still loves me. That has to mean there is hope, right?" she asked as she plopped onto one of the barstools to watch Caroline work since she was not allowed to help at all.

"You know I'm always on your side, through thick and thin, but I will tell you that he's hurting," Caroline said, placing her hands flat on the counter and regarding Elena seriously. "He's hurting bad. He feels so guilty for what he did to you. He's angry that after everything you still pushed him away. He's heartbroken at the prospect of losing his marriage and that there's nothing he can do about it."

Elena dropped her head into her hands. "Oh God, I screwed up."

"You did what you thought was right in that moment. You didn't know how you'd feel an hour later or three weeks later. You just have to deal with where you guys are at now." She sighed heavily. "And right now he just needs space. He'll come around - you know how he is."

She thought back to those divorce papers that were sitting on her kitchen table. They haunted her everywhere she went, constantly reminding her of how much she'd screwed up. Of how far she pushed him. Of how much she'd hurt him.

"What has he been up to?" Elena asked quietly, dropping her hands onto the counter and fidgeting with her fingers.

"He quit the department," Caroline informed her as she continued preparing the different trays of food for the shower guests.

Elena's head snapped up, her eyes wide. "He did what?" He lived for working for the fire department. It was all he wanted to do, despite going to college and getting a degree to work for his father's business.

"According to Stefan, he went to their father and asked for a job," Caroline said with a sad shake of her head. Even she knew how monumental it was that Damon voluntarily went to his father to ask for something.

"Why would he do that? He loves working at the station," Elena said quietly, more to herself than Caroline.

"He told Stefan that he didn't want to put himself in unnecessary danger anymore, not when the baby comes," Caroline explained softly. The silence that descended upon the kitchen was deafening, but Elena hardly noticed. She was too busy mulling over what Caroline revealed. She felt like she'd been taken out at the knees. The room tilted on its side and she had to take several deep breaths to get it back to where it was supposed to be.

Before she could respond, Jenna popped her head into the kitchen. "You girls ready with those dishes?"

"Yes I am!" Caroline said with a bright smile suddenly plastered on her face.

"You okay?" Jenna asked after Caroline whisked the trays into the living room.

Silence descended once more as Elena tried to compose herself. She couldn't afford an emotional breakdown right now. What she needed was to suck it up for the next two hours then she could go home and cry all she wanted.

"I'm good," she said with a fake smile on her face that she knew Jenna could see right through, but wisely chose not to comment on.

The shower went by quickly, Elena found it easier than she expected to laugh and chat with her friends. None asked about Damon, they all instead talked happily about the baby and Elena's "adorable" baby bump that was now a protruding belly. At thirty weeks, she was looking pretty damn pregnant.

Her friends were just as excited as she was about the baby. The mound of gifts that sat in front of her waiting to be opened was overwhelming. She bent over to pick up the first item when another wave of vertigo hit her. She swayed a little on her chair before she steadied herself with several deep breaths. As the dizziness subsided, a white hot streak of pain lanced through her head. It lasted a brief second before disappearing. She tried to ignore the now-familiar sinking feeling that she had that there was something else going on with her body, and again she placed a smile on her face and carried on as if it was nothing at all.

* * *

><p><em>Damon Salvatore, head of Advertising.<em>

Shit.

He really did it. To say convincing his father to give him the job he hated on for years was the understatement of the year. No, the understatement of the century. His pride was already wrecked from his relationship and walking into his father's office with his tail between his legs totally obliterated what was left of it, his dignity, and in his opinion, his manhood.

His father's reaction shocked Damon. He was sympathetic and for once showed something more than disappointment toward Damon. The irony of why he hated his father was not lost on him. His father was a cheating bastard, always cheating on his mother. Damon hated it, he hated every minute of it and that his mother knew what was happening and still stayed with him. But wasn't that what he wanted from Elena, for her to look past the mistakes he made with Andie and stay with him? The cold realization that he was much more like his father than he ever expected slapped him in the face.

Despite all the things Giuseppe said about Elena, he seemed legitimately sorry that things ended between them the way they did. He left his father's office that day feeling more respect for the man than he'd felt in his entire life.

He found that he melded with the job faster than he thought he would. He initially thought he'd hate it; nothing could beat working at the station and doing the one thing he'd dreamed of doing for most of his life, but he never expected to be so good at what he was doing now. Things flowed for him and it didn't take him long to fall into the eight-to-five routine. Did he love his new job? No, no he didn't. But could he end up loving it? That was a major possibility.

He was sifting through his papers as he chowed on the lunch he'd bought in the small cafe on the first floor of the building, when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and saw it was Caroline. He silenced the ringer considering the only time she'd call him was to either gossip or yell at him and he just wasn't in the mood to handle either. A few minutes later, she called him again. He should've known that when that woman wanted to talk, she'd get a hold of you somehow.

He answered the call and whined into the speaker. "What?"

_"Damon?"_ her voice was panicked and he immediately disregarded the files on his desk.

"Are you okay?" he asked seriously, a bad, sinking feeling making its way into his chest. His heart rate was picking up and his hands started shaking a little. Something wasn't right. Something bad had happened.

Oh God, Elena. What if something happened to Elena?

Confirming his horrific suspicion, Caroline spoke in a shaky voice, _"It's Elena."_

Oh God.

The baby. Elena and the baby. He couldn't lose them.

"What happened?" he asked as his mind kicked into overdrive and started conjuring up possible tragic scenarios.

_"She had a seizure."_

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><p><strong>Everyone still with me? <strong>_  
><em>

**I have to say thank you to my awesome beta, Jenn aka elvishgrrl. If you are an angst-whore like me, you need to read her story, Find the River. SO MANY FEELS.**

**As you can obviously tell, things are gonna get pretty emotional in the next few chapters. I can now say there are only about 5 chapters left. That could very well change, but it'll stay near the 5 chapter mark. **

**Thanks again for reading, you guys are seriously so awesome. I would bake you all cookies and personally deliver them with Ian Somerhalder if I could.**

_**Reviews are love!**_


	19. Chapter 19

"Where are they taking her?"

"Mystic Falls General."

"I'm leaving now," he said quickly and hung up. His body and mind were kicking into overdrive. He half-ran down the hall to his father's office and burst inside without bothering to knock. His father was in a meeting of sorts because when Damon threw open the door, three pairs of startled eyes snapped to him.

"Damon, what are you doing?" his father snapped, clearly annoyed and probably embarrassed by his sudden entrance.

"It's Elena."

The tone of his voice and the look on his face clearly explained everything because his father's look went from disapproving to concerned in a moment.

"Is everything alright?" Giuseppe asked in a low voice.

Damon simply shook his head in response.

"Have your secretary reschedule any meetings you have today," he instructed Damon, which shocked him. He rolled into his father's office totally expecting a fight, especially when he realized he'd interrupted something. Without another word, Damon turned to leave, but his father's voice stopped him.

"I hope she's okay." Giuseppe's voice was soft and concerned and Giuseppe was neither of those things.

"Me too," was all Damon replied before he strode back down the hall, barking at his secretary to reschedule all of his appointments. He grabbed his keys and his phone from his desk and he was out of the office and into his car in record time.

The drive to the hospital was a grueling one, not because it was a far drive, but because it seemed to take forever, despite the fact that he was going twice the legal speed limit. His mind was bombarding him with worst-case scenario images - Elena being the star of all of them.

He prayed to a God he'd never called on before. He prayed for a way - any way - for Elena to survive. For the baby to survive. He promised that if God would save his wife, he'd never give up on their relationship. He'd torch the divorce papers that he only signed out of anger and pain. He'd do whatever he needed to fix his marriage. He swore on his own life that he'd never stop until the day he died.

His fingers started cramping with the death grip he had on the steering wheel and his torrential thoughts were almost clouding his vision, but he pushed through. He needed to get to Elena. Both relief and dread filled him when he pulled into the emergency room parking lot. He wasn't ready to face a future without Elena.

His limbs were heavy as he climbed out of his car and rushed down the sidewalk to the emergency room doors. Just as he approached the doors, an ambulance pulled up. His heart raced as he stood out of the way to let the medics and the patient go in first. His heart stopped as the paramedics pulled the stretcher from the back of the ambulance and he saw his wife laying on it, looking around with big, scared eyes.

He rushed to her side only to be blocked by one of the medics.

"Please, I'm her husband!" he said desperately as he tried to push past the man. He was allowed to pass and Elena's hand found his as he moved with them through the doors of the emergency room.

"Damon?" Her voice was soft and muffled by the oxygen mask on her face, but he heard it clear as day and held onto it as if it were a lifeline.

"I'm here, baby," he told her as they rushed down the hall with nurses joining up with them as they got closer to their destination.

"Don't let her die," she sobbed.

He was forced to let go of her hand as they rolled her through a narrow doorway and into an emergency bay. As he moved to follow her inside, a nurse's small hands hit his chest.

"We're going to need you to wait in the waiting area," she told him. He barely processed her words, too occupied with trying to get around the small woman to listen.

"Sir? You need to wait in the waiting area. The doctor will come and find you," she said sternly as a large man approached them.

"My wife is in there!" he snapped at her, trying to move around her.

When Elena started screaming his name in sheer terror, the large man that was standing near them stepped in to hold Damon back and allowed the nurse to disappear into Elena's room. Damon's heart was racing as if he could feel Elena's fear.

"I'm her husband for God's sake!" he yelled at nobody in particular while still trying to get into the room his wife was in. He could feel the sting of oncoming tears burning the backs of his eyes as he tried desperately to get to Elena.

Her screams faded as the sliding door to the emergency bay was slid shut and the fight went out of him. He turned toward it and pounded his fist right into the paneling. The pain shot through his hand and reminded him that he was still alive, so he did it again with the other fist. Then again. And again as hot tears filled his eyes and fell down his cheeks.

"Damon?"

He registered someone calling his name, but was too far gone to react. He just continued pounding the wall, taking out his anger, his fear, his pain on it.

"Damon!"

The voice was getting closer. His strength dwindled as a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him in. He glanced up briefly to see his brother's concerned face before he slumped into his hold, not realizing until now that he had been sobbing loudly. The sobs shook his whole body and if it wasn't for his brother's hold, he'd be on the ground.

"Let's get him out of the hallway," he heard Caroline say softly. The three of them shuffled down the hallway to the patient waiting room.

Damon had a more firm grasp on his emotions when they arrived. So instead of sitting, he took to pacing the length of the room. He couldn't stand the thought of sitting still and waiting for any information on his wife. He needed to be doing something, moving somehow. It was the only way to remind himself that this wasn't just some fucked up nightmare.

* * *

><p>She was staring death in the face and the only thing she could think about was that she never fought for him. Not after the miscarriage, not after she came clean, not after he worked so hard to earn her trust back.<p>

She could feel death coming and surprisingly, she didn't fear it, but she just had two things to do before she welcomed it like an old friend - forgive Damon and give birth to their daughter. She couldn't possibly leave her life without Damon knowing that she loved him and forgave him and without knowing her baby girl was okay.

Panic set in as she felt herself floating further and further from her body. She wasn't ready to go. She needed to see Damon. She needed to make sure her baby survived. As she drifted, only one sound pulled her back. It was his voice.

"Please!" He was shouting, his voice was full of desperation. "I'm her husband!"

Instantly, she was slammed back into her body with a jolt.

"Damon?" she whispered. She cracked her eyes open a little to see the lights on the ceiling rushing by and many blurry faces surrounding her, but only one was clear - the one with ice blue eyes that were filled to the brim with panic.

"I'm here, baby," he said with a voice as shaky as his hand.

Thoughts of how this could be her last moment rushed in her mind and she could only think of one thing to say.

"Don't let her die." The request escaped her with a sob. She forced herself to try and breath normally so she could tell him one last thing, but his hand was ripped from hers and he disappeared from her sight. Losing the only thing that was keeping her on earth sent her into terror-mode.

She screamed his name with all she had, hot tears running down her temples and into her hair. Her vocal chords were straining with the effort it took for her to get the sound out, but she didn't stop. She needed Damon by her side. She was so afraid her body would give out before she was ready. She needed him. He was her lifeline.

He was her everything.

* * *

><p><em>Step, step, step, step, step, turn.<em>

"Damon, why don't you sit down a minute?" Alaric suggested. He and Jenna had shown up about twenty minutes after Caroline and Stefan had. That was an hour ago. He'd been pacing ever since he'd pulled himself together. He couldn't stop moving - if he did, images of Elena on that stretcher and the memory of her horrified screams would take over and send him into a breakdown once more. He just couldn't afford to have another one. Therefore, he needed to keep moving.

_Step, step, step, step, step, turn._

Repeat.

"Mr. Salvatore?"

He snapped his head to the doctor standing on the far side of the room.

"Is she alive?" he asked in an unsteady voice while he felt his family surround him. Caroline's little hand slipped into his and squeezed while Alaric placed a strong hand on his shoulder.

"We have her stabilized right now, but we are going to induce labor. The longer the baby stays in there, the worse it'll get for both of them. We're moving her to the OB floor right now," the doctor explained in a calm, steady voice.

"Do you know what happened to her?" Jenna asked, her fingers curling into the fabric covering Alaric's chest. He flexed his other arm and tucked her into his side.

"A severe case of Eclampsia," the doctor explained. "The causes of eclampsia are not well understood. It follows preeclampsia which is common in first pregnancies."

"When can I see her?" Damon asked, desperate to see for himself that she was alive.

"You can see her right now. I'll walk you to her new room," the doctor said kindly and led them down the hallway to a bank of elevators. No one spoke. They were all too on edge to say anything. The ride in the elevator was silent as was the walk down the OB hallways. Damon felt a pressing need to flee settle on his chest. He could hardly stand the cries of the newborns knowing that the one in his wife's stomach almost took her from him.

"There is a waiting room down the hall that has vending machines and a cafeteria downstairs," the doctor told them as they moved further down the hall before stopping in front of a door. "Here is her room."

"We'll be waiting down the hall in the waiting room, okay?" Stefan said, placing his hands on his big brother's shoulders and looking him dead in the eye.

When Damon gave him a small, but grateful nod, Stefan pulled him into his arms for a supportive embrace. Damon went willingly, needing desperately the support of his brother. He clung to Stefan like a he was a buoy in a turbulent sea.

"Thank you, brother," Damon said as he released Stefan and turned to face the door that separated him and Elena. He took a deep breath as he grasped the handle and entered the room.

Closing the door softly behind him, he took in the large hospital room. Elena looked so tiny in the hospital bed, with the wires going in and out of her and the various machines they were hooked up to. He stood in the doorway, content to just watch her chest rise and fall with each breath she took and listen to the soft beep-beep-beep of her heartbeat from the monitor.

She was alive. Thank God.

He crossed the room as soundlessly as possible and sank into the chair next to her bed. He fought the urge to weep as he gently took her small hand between both of his. He bent over and kissed the wedding ring on her left finger and rested his forehead on their hands. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, trying his best to keep the tears at bay. He'd come way too close to losing her and they still weren't out of the woods, but he needed to be strong for her. He may have made mistakes in the past, but he was going to get them through this.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, maybe an hour, maybe only a few minutes, but he was brought back to the present when he felt fingers comb softly through his hair. His head popped up to see Elena dropping her free hand and smiling at him. Warmth flooded his chest seeing her bright brown eyes staring back at him.

"Hi," he whispered because honestly, he couldn't think of anything better to say.

"Hi," she replied, her voice soft and scratchy, but beautiful to him all the same.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, after he pressed his lips to the back of her hand.

She took a deep breath as if gathering her courage. "I'm doing okay," she finally said, bringing her shaky hand back to his hair and tangling her fingers in it.

He could still read her like a book. "You don't have to put on a brave face for me," he told her softly, not wanting to put her on the defensive

Her hand stilled in his hair and she blinked several times, trying but failing to keep her tears from flooding her eyes. "I'm scared, Damon," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

"Oh, baby," he breathed before climbing onto the bed next to her and wrapping her up in his arms. He laid countless kisses on her head while she cried into his shirt, griping the fabric in her small fists. He wished with all he had that there was some way for him to shoulder her pain, her fear, but all he could offer was his embrace, his kisses, and soothing words he whispered into her hair.

Soon enough, her sobs subsided and she stilled in his arms. Finally she sat up straight and turned to look him right in the eye. A smile graced her tear-streaked features as she framed his face in her hands.

"I love you," were the only words that left her lips and they were everything.

He hadn't realized just how much he needed those words. How much he needed them from her lips. How much he needed her to look right at him and tell him she loved him.

"I love you, too," he replied. He also hadn't realized how much he needed to look her in the eyes and say those words back to her. How much he needed to lean in, close the space between them, and press his lips against hers. The kiss was tender and sweet and held all the love he couldn't properly convey with words. All too soon, she pulled back, but her smile was radiant.

The way she looked at him just then said more than words could ever illustrate. She said 'I forgive you,' 'I'm sorry,' and most importantly, 'I never wanted to give up on us." When his wife stared death in the face, words just weren't needed. They were always funny like that, where words would only go so far and then came them. Just them. Somehow they always figured it out in the silence.

And in that moment they did just that, they figured it all out.

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><p><strong>I didn't put an AN at the beginning since I figured y'all wanted to get on with the story. **

**Thank you to Jenn for being an amazing Beta and again to Emma for letting me hound her for advice and compliments. You both are awesome.**

**Reviews are love, kind like how I love all of you for leaving them... :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello! I'm so sorry this took so long to get out. I knew exactly what needed to happen in this chapter, but the words just wouldn't come and I wasn't about to post something that I just threw together. So I hope you all understand.**

**Thanks to my beta, Jenn (elvishgrrl). She is awesome! I can't say it enough. **

**So here is the final chapter of Pretend You Love Me...**

* * *

><p>"What do you think of Alice?"<p>

"No, too Disney," Elena said with a shake of her head. She was lying in her hospital bed, picking at the blanket and listening to Damon list girl names from the baby names book in his hand.

"Beth?"

Now a wrinkle of her nose. "Nah."

"Okay, what about Kate?"

Another shake of her head.

"Okay, well what names do you have rolling around in that head of yours?" Damon finally said, tossing the book of names aside with a playful sigh.

"I've been playing with the name Ella," she said sheepishly, finally looking up from the blanket.

Damon let out a bark of laughter at her guilty face. "Well why didn't you say that from the get-go? We could've saved ourselves a bit of trouble!"

Her responding laughter was cut off abruptly when her entire body tensed up as if there was an elephant lying on top of her.

"Elena?" His voice was panicked and he couldn't care less. He'd almost lost his wife once - he'd be damned if it was going to happen again.

"Just," she breathed heavily, her hand traveling across the mattress to grip his, "another," her face screwed up in pain, "contraction."

And then it was gone. She let out a relieved breath and adjusted herself on the bed.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Ice chips? The nurse?" He spoke fast, his eyes wide with fear.

"Damon!" she said sternly, stopping him mid thought.

"What?" he breathed.

"I'm fine. Contractions are normal," she said, with a small smile. She would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy this overprotective side of Damon and that she didn't hope he'd have the same instincts with their daughter.

"Normal," he breathed almost in a daze, relief sagging his shoulders and his head nodding absentmindedly. "I can do normal."

"So, I think we need to talk," Elena said, after a beat.

"Do we have to?" he whined playfully, hoping to make her laugh and distract her from the conversation she so desperately wanted to have.

"Yes, we have to," she said with a smile, but it soon fell and her voice grew serious. "I need this, Damon, and you need to hear it."

God, how was he supposed to say no to that?

"Okay," he whispered because he didn't trust his voice to hold out much longer.

She took a deep breath and then nailed him with her soulful brown eyes.

"I love you and I'm sorry. A life without you isn't a life for me. I lost you and it was the worst time of my life. I would do anything to make sure I never feel like that again." As she spoke, her hands found his on the bed and she grasped it in both of hers. He glanced down at their hands before his eyes met her big doe eyes once more.

"I'm so sorry," he choked out.

"It's okay, Damon," she replied with a watery smile. He launched himself at her then, gently taking her into his arms and pressing his lips to her hair. She moved over on the bed to make room for him and he gladly accepted the silent invitation. He loved every chance he got to hold her like this. To feel her warm, soft skin against his. To feel the way her body molded to his just right. It was heaven for him. He held her as if his life depended on it.

They lay together for over an hour and Damon helped her through every contraction that hit. Holding her hand, whispering into her hair, he kissed her tears of pain away. She was so strong. She took every hit without complaint. In fact, a few times, she would smile once it let up and stroke her stomach affectionately as if counting down the contractions until she got to see her daughter. It tugged at his heart big time. He thought about his girls, piled in his bed waiting to be snuggled. His girls waiting for him to get home from work. His girls. Now that was something he could get used to.

He had just drifted off to sleep when the monitors started beeping furiously, startling him awake. His eyes landed on Elena before he did anything else. She was dozing off as well, oblivious to the sounds in the room. Next thing he knew, two nurses burst in, completely ignored him, and went to work checking the machines connected to Elena.

"Her blood pressure is through the roof!" The nurse spoke to her assistant rapidly. His heart sank at her tone.

"We need to get the baby out now," the other replied sternly, obviously trying to cover the panic in her voice.

"What's going on?" Damon asked, his heart pounding in his throat. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"We're going to prep her for an emergency c-section," the first nurse explained to him calmly.

"Is she going to be okay?" he asked, rising from the bed, but not leaving Elena's side.

"If we don't get the baby out soon, she will die." The first nurse told him seriously, leaving no room for questions.

_She will die._

_She will die._

The words were on repeat in his mind. No. He wasn't going to lose her. He couldn't lose her. Not when he just got her back.

Elena woke when the nurses started moving her bed out of the room and down the hallway. Damon kept up pace with them, remaining right by Elena's side, with his fingers tangled in hers. His heart beat wildly in his chest as they continued to the O.R. The nurses gave him instructions and explaining to them both what the surgery would entail, but it was all a haze to him. All he could hear was the nurse telling him that Elena would die unless they delivered the baby immediately.

As the nurses transferred Elena from her hospital bed to the surgical table, Damon scrubbed in. He donned the mint green scrubs that were handed to him and washed his hands and forearms. He was back at Elena's side as they set up a screen that blocked her view from the top of her stomach downward.

Her fingers found his once more and their gazes met.

She took a deep, shaky breath and he could see the fear in her eyes. "Will you tell Jenna and Ric I love them? And tell-"

"Stop that," he growled, squeezing her hand in what he hoped was a warning.

"Tell Caroline and Stefan I love them as well, and take good care of yourself and the baby," she continued, as if she didn't hear him.

"Elena, stop it," he said seriously, grasping her hand in both of his.

"You're going to have to let me go," she whispered, as she held back a sob.

"No!" he yelled louder now. "You are not dying, damn it!"

"Mrs. Salvatore, can you feel this?" the doctor asked, interrupting their conversation.

"Feel what?" she asked quietly.

"Good, we're going to get started," the doctor said, as his nurses manned their stations.

"Don't let her die, Damon," Elena said softly, though her voice was strong.

"Elena," he begged. She couldn't give up now. Not after everything. He could feel his chest constricting in devastation. She couldn't give up on them.

"If it's my life or hers. Save hers. Please?" Elena breathed. Her chest heaved with exertion.

"I can't do that. I can't live without you," he told her in a hoarse voice. He was barely holding onto his sanity. The noise of the doctor barking out orders and the steady beeps of the machines all drowned into the background.

"Promise me, Damon," she demanded. Even in the middle of the fight of her life she was stubborn. If his heart didn't feel like it was crumbling to bits, he would've smiled and rolled his eyes.

"No," he said strongly. "You are not dying. I won't let you."

"It's a girl!" The doctor declared, interrupting them again. Damon nearly fell over in relief. The baby was out! The baby was alive, and Elena had survived. He peeked over the screen just as the nurses were cleaning the blood and other fluids from her skin.

"Let me see her, Damon." Elena's weak and gravely voice came from the other side of the screen.

He watched the nurses run through their newborn protocol before they swaddled his baby girl in a blanket and brought her over to where he stood.

He was paralyzed as the nurse laid the tiny baby in his arms. She was so little, it was shocking. Her skin was still red and white from the delivery, but she had a little hair growing in on her head. Dark. Like his. He gazed into the tiny newborn's face and he swore he felt his heart expand. He didn't think it would be possible to love someone as deeply as he loved Elena, but he knew he loved this little girl just as much. It was a different love, a fierce, instant and blinding love. She'd only been in this world for mere minutes and yet he was already enraptured.

Seeing his little baby girl made his heart ache for the child that he and Elena had lost. He was no longer filled with bitter resentment over the lost baby and the lies that surrounded it, he was just sad for the life they'd never get to meet, sad for the pain and sadness that Elena went through alone.

He turned with the newborn still in his arms and gently laid her on Elena's chest, holding her steady as Elena's shaky hands rose up to smooth back the soft dark hairs on her head.

"She's so beautiful," Elena whispered in awe. Damon's gaze met hers and his watery eyes mirrored hers. Time stood still as they stared at each other, each with a hand on the life they'd created together. Each reflecting on the long, hard journey that brought them to this point, the journey that tore them down, stripped them bare, and ultimately left them stronger than ever.

"I love you," Elena breathed as her eyes drifted shut in exhaustion. But something wasn't right. She was too still.

The nurse's voice rang out over the machine that had just gone on high alert. "She's flat-lined!"

Damon willingly let another nurse take his baby girl from Elena's chest, trusting they'd take care of her. His focus was only on Elena.

"NO!" he cried out, taking her face in his hands and tilting it toward him. "Elena, don't you dare leave me!"

A firm hand landed on his shoulder as the nurses and doctor worked furiously to revive her. He shrugged the hand off, knowing they were trying to take him from his wife. The hand touched him once more and he finally turned and acknowledged its owner. It was a small, middle aged woman, who was emitting an air of cool, calm authority.

"Mr. Salvatore, we are going to do everything we can, but you need to wait outside. I swear to you we will tell you the second we know anything," the woman told him. In the rational part of mind, he understood the need to get him out of the way, but he was nowhere near his rational mind.

"Save her," he choked out, the moisture in his eyes threatening to spill over. He was desperate.

"I will do my best, but we need to focus all of our attention on her," the woman told him, her eyes softening slightly. He knew she was right and he'd do anything to save Elena's life.

He simply nodded and stumbled out of the O.R. in a daze. He'd stood by and watched as his wife flat-lined right before his eyes. He walked aimlessly down the hallway until he couldn't seem to hold himself up any longer. His hands shot out and he caught himself on the side of a vending machine. Then he turned and pressed his back into its side and slid to the floor, finally giving himself over to the devastation he'd just watched unfold. The image of her eyes closing for what could be the last time played over and over in his head.

Tears ran silently down his cheeks until he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Caroline kneeling on the ground next to him with tears in her own eyes. He launched himself at her, crushing her to his chest and allowing the sobs he was holding in to break free. He watched her die and there was nothing he could do. He was helpless to stop it. Helpless to save her life. Helpless to do anything but watch as the life drained from his wife's face.

How was he going to raise their daughter by himself? How could he even think about living without Elena? How could he face life alone?

These thoughts only brought on more soul-shaking sobs as he gripped Caroline tighter.

His wife was gone.

His world was ripped from his hands.

His life was taken right before his eyes.

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><p><strong>*ugly face sobbing* <strong>

**I know you are all about to murder me thinking that's the last chapter, but there will be an epilogue. I promise. And one that's already partially written. **

**I feel like Damon and Elena had been through the wringer in this story, so it was time to bring this story to an end. It's been an amazing ride and this is my first story that broke 400 reviews. I mean, the response has blown me away. You have all been such troopers through the whole story, so thank you so much for that.**

**Reviews are love. Really, they are. **


	21. Epilogue

**Is it sick that I enjoyed every single review that said that you cried? Haha! Probably. **

**So here it is. This is the official end of Pretend You Love Me. It's bittersweet to see this end. This has gotten such an amazing response, I can't even comprehend it. So to every single one of you who has taken time to read this, thank you so much. And to every one of you who reviewed, they have meant the world to me. I know it hasn't been an easy ride and at times it looked bleak, but for those who have endured to the end, I hope it's been worth it.  
><strong>

**Thanks to Jenn (elvishgrrl) for being such a wonderful beta. She's amazing.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>He sighed and glared at the stack of papers on his desk. So many arrangements to make still, so many papers to sign. Days like today he wanted to say screw it all. How ironic was it that his birthday fell on the four month anniversary of the best and worst day of his life? The day his baby girl was born. The day his wife... he couldn't even finish the thought, even after four months. The past four months had been a crazy mess. Some of the hardest, yet most rewarding of his life.<p>

A knock at the door pulled him from his morbid thoughts and he hollered out for whoever it was to enter.

Slowly the door creaked open and a grin broke out on his face as his two favorite girls came through the door. His breath caught seeing his wife standing in the doorway. Despite the fact that it had been four months since that day, every time he saw her was a blessing in his eyes. His girls had survived. Ella was burbling happily in her mother's arms until she took one look at Damon and a smile lit her face. It was the moment every day that Damon lived for. Ella loved to smile, but only for him.

"Happy birthday," Elena breathed, smiling at him sweetly. It took everything in him not to leap over his desk and take his girls into his arms like a crazed possessive father. He crossed the room and took a willing Ella into his arms before he freed one arm to wrap around his wife's waist and pull her close.

"My girls," he whispered against Elena's forehead before he pressed his lips against the soft skin there.

They stood there for several quiet moments while his heart swelled in pride. He felt like he'd climbed to the top of Everest. He had both of his girls in his arms and they were safe and happy.

"What do you say you bail out of here early and we'll go have birthday dinner, then when we get home, I'll put Ella to bed early," she purred suggestively, capturing his full attention.

He glanced at his desk, mentally calculating what could be left to deal with on Monday when Elena practically read his mind. "Giuseppe said he'd take care of anything that was time-sensitive."

"You talked to my father?" He pulled back and eyed her with surprise. Last time he checked, they could barely be in a room together without Giuseppe verbally ripping her to pieces.

"I think he likes me a lot more when Ella is around. He just can't seem to say no to anything when he's holding her," Elena said with a shrug, but there was a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Sneaky, sneaky," he admonished playfully.

She gasped in mock moral outrage. "I'm afraid I have no idea to what you are referring."

He only smiled at her knowingly before kissing her forehead once more. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

><p><em>"Mr. Salvatore?" the doctor's voice rang out in the silent waiting room. Every person inside jumped at the sound of the doctor's voice. Damon walked forward and waited to hear his fate. The fate of his wife.<br>_

_"Your wife's blood pressure skyrocketed during the C-section and her heart just couldn't handle it, so it gave out," he explained clinically._

_His heart stopped and his chest constricted painfully. He wasn't sure how much longer he'd remain upright after his wife's death was confirmed. He felt Stefan's strong hand on his shoulder, giving him the strength to see this through and telling him he'd be there to help Damon get through the rest of his life without his wife._

_"But with the help of some quick nurses and Mrs. Salvatore's obviously strong will to live, she's going to be okay."_

_Damon stared blankly for several minutes. It couldn't be true. There was no way. He watched her die. Watched as her heart gave up and as she gave herself over to death._

_And then it hit him like a freight train. Elena was alive. Elena was going to be okay. Tears that he didn't know he still had sprung to his eyes and his hands started shaking with sheer joy. He turned to Stefan who was beaming so brightly, his face looked like it may split in two. Damon smiled at him through his tears and next thing he knew, he was wrapped in his brother's arms in a fierce hug. And then the crying started. Sobs broke out from his smiling lips and he didn't bother trying to choke them back. He only gripped his hands into the fabric of Stefan's shirt and let them out. He listened to everyone else in the waiting room react to the news of Elena's survival and once he pulled himself together, Damon was being passed around the family. He held Jenna and Caroline as they cried, hugged Alaric and exchanged a few manly grunts of emotion with Uncle John and Jeremy, he even shook his father's hand and hugged his mother who'd shown up right as the news of Elena's delivery was announced._

_"Can I go see her?" Damon asked the doctor after the small celebration._

_"Of course," the man said with a smile before leading Damon to her room._

_"How is the baby?" Damon asked as they walked down the hallway._

_"The baby is good and healthy, but since she was born premature, we are going to keep her in the NICU in an incubator until she can maintain a stable body temperature. She seems to be doing fine breathing, but we can never be too careful with these things, so we'll keep a steady eye on her. She'll also be intubated for feeding until she is strong enough to suck on her own," the doctor explained. "But we will give you more information and take you to see her once your wife rests and feels up to it."_

_"Thank you," Damon said sincerely and the doctor seemed to understand that it wasn't just for the information._

_He took a deep breath outside her room before he gently nudged the door open. The room was dim when he entered. His eyes landed on her sleeping form and studied her chest until he saw it rise and fall several times, confirming for him that she was actually there, she was alive. She'd survived._

_He blinked back more tears, tired of crying in such a happy time, as he crossed the room to sit in the chair next to her bed. He was content just to sit and watch her breathe. But as soon as the skin of his fingers brushed hers, her eyes opened and he really realized that she was here to stay._

_Her eyes filled with tears and she thickly whispered his name._

_"Oh, baby," he breathed as he gingerly climbed onto the bed next to her and took her into his arms. He smoothed her hair down with one hand while her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and she cried into his chest. He spoke soft words to her to calm her down and soon her loud break down turned into quiet whimpers._

_"I'm so sorry," she whispered as she pulled back to gaze at his face._

_"I was so scared," he said hoarsely, his voice breaking, giving away just how close it had been._

_"Oh, Damon," she cried as she leaned forward and pressed her tear-soaked lips against his. His hands cradled her face as he kissed her back, pouring all the love in his heart into it. All too soon, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers._

_"I love you so much," he said passionately._

_"I love you too, Damon. God, I love you," she said as a few more tears fell down her cheeks._

* * *

><p>They ate dinner at their diner. Elena told him about her day with Ella, the same thing she did every day when he got off work. He hated that he had to miss so much in his little girl's life, but the way she smiled when he came home from work made it all worth it. He was already wrapped around her tiny little finger. They also gushed about how perfect their child was. They weren't biased, that was just the way it was. She was the perfect baby. She had even been released from the NICU earlier than the doctors expected. She was developing right on schedule and Damon couldn't be more relieved.<p>

The weeks following Ella's release from the hospital were very stressful and sleepless ones. They were both on high alert. Any noise she made in the night, they'd both jump out of bed and be at her crib side in seconds. Typically neither of them could go back to sleep after they'd freaked themselves out, so that left them much time to talk. They'd talked about everything: the miscarriage, the months that followed, Andie, his parents, and their relationship. They were finally on the same page. They'd finally cleared out all the skeletons from the closet. They'd also burned the divorce papers. It was a liberating moment for both of them.

"I think someone is hungry," Elena said as she eyed the whining baby in the carrier.

"I think you're right," Damon agreed as he signed their dinner bill. "Let's go home."

* * *

><p><em>"Can we go see her yet?" Elena asked, bouncing with impatience.<em>

_"Are you feeling up to it?" Damon asked in response._

_"I feel fine and I just really want to go see her. Please, Damon?" Her accompanying puppy eyes sent him over and he rose from the bed muttering under his breath how he prayed that his daughter never inherited that trait or he'd be screwed._

_He poked his head into the hall and asked for them to be taken to the NICU. A few moments later a nurse appeared in the doorway with a wheelchair for Elena. Once she was settled in the - completely unnecessary in her eyes - wheelchair, they were off with Damon pushing her as they followed the nurse. Despite her aversion to the wheelchair, Elena could hardly contain her excitement when they passed through the double doors to the NICU. They quickly and thoroughly washed their hands and forearms before they continued into the neonatal nursery._

_They were led through the row of incubators until the nurse stopped and gestured to the last incubator next to the wall. Moisture pooled in her eyes when they landed on the sleeping form inside._

_"She weighs two pounds and eight ounces and she's fifteen inches long," the nurse read them her information off of her chart. "She'll remain in the incubator until we are sure that she can maintain a steady temperature and she'll have the feeding tube until she can suck on her own."_

_Elena tried to listen. She really did, but once her eyes fell on her daughter's face, nothing really mattered._

_"Can I touch her?" she asked quietly, not taking her eyes off the tiny baby inside the Plexiglas box._

_The nurse smiled warmly before flicking several latches on the side of the incubator, opening up two holes that Elena could stick her arms through._

_"Can you help me?" she asked Damon, who nodded and helped her up out of the chair and held her close as they approached the side of the incubator. His hands stayed on her hips, mindful of her healing incision, to hold her steady as she carefully guided her hands through the holes._

_Tears pricked her eyes when her fingertips brushed the satiny skin of her baby girl._

_"She's so soft," she whispered in wondered awe._

_Elena's fingers danced over the fine hairs on her head, then drifted to her tiny hand. Elena counted every finger and toe once and then once more to be sure._

_"Do you have a name picked out yet?" The nurse said, interrupting her third count of the baby's toes. "Baby Girl Salvatore is an awful mouthful."_

_The three of them let out a peal of soft laughter before Damon and Elena exchanged glances before Damon spoke. "We're naming her Ella."_

_Elena felt herself smile so wide that it almost hurt._

_"I'll go get the paperwork filled out and ready for you to sign and let you have a moment alone," the nurse smiled at them and then turned and disappeared out of the nursery._

_"I can't believe she's ours," Elena whispered to him, smiling up sweetly at his face. She slid one arm out of the incubator and spoke again, "Feel her, Damon."_

_With one arm still wrapped firmly around her waist, he slipped his free hand through the arm hole. His fingers landed on the warm skin of her little leg._

_"Hi, Ella," he whispered, she could hear how his voice was thick with emotion. "It's your mommy and daddy."_

_His voice and his words hit her hard and formed a lump in her throat. She realized then just how close she'd come to never meeting Ella or seeing Damon again. How devastating it would've been to leave them. It physically hurt her to imagine it._

_"Hi, baby girl," Elena spoke softly, still trying to blink back her tears. "We love you so much."_

_With a hand still on Ella, she turned toward Damon and wrapped her free arm around his waist before she stretched up on her toes and pressed a soft kiss to the rough hairs growing in on his cheek._

_Happiness nearly boiled out of her. She had the family she'd always dreamed of. And nothing could ever try to take them from her again, not if she could help it._

* * *

><p>He was close behind her as she climbed the stairs to Ella's nursery once they arrived home. The lights were dim in the small room as Elena took her baby girl from her carrier and carried her to the rocking chair in the corner. Once she had Ella settled and happily feeding, her eyes landed on Damon who was setting out Ella's pajamas for the night.<p>

She never imagined when she met Damon that he'd ever be going through a drawer of baby clothes to find the perfect outfit for a baby girl to sleep in. Yet, it seemed so natural for him. He'd fallen into the role of father so easily. Every time Ella would wake in the night, he'd stay up with her or he'd take Ella himself and change her or bring her to the bed so Elena could feed her. No matter how many times Elena would tell him to go back to sleep because he had to work in the morning, he'd still stay up with her. And every day when he returned from work, instead of wanting time to unwind in peace, he'd take Ella from wherever she was and watch TV with her, or calm her cries, or he'd let Elena feed her while he cooked dinner. He was everything she could've asked for in a husband and in the father of her child.

He turned and gazed at her as Ella finished her dinner with heavy eyelids. He crossed the room and easily lifted her from her mother's arms and took her to the changing table. A new diaper and a set of bright pink pajamas later, he was laying the sleeping baby in her crib and turning on the baby monitor. Elena tried to convince him that she'd be okay without it, but he insisted on keeping it on through the night.

His arm wound around Elena's waist as they stood together and watched their baby girl sleep. Occasionally Damon's hand would drift down into the crib and softly stroke Ella's little cheek. It was as if he was reminding himself that she was really here, she was really his forever. It was a scene that never ceased to pull at Elena's heartstrings. They finally backed out of the room and turned the lights off before setting off down the hall to their own bedroom.

"I had a great evening, thank you," Damon said to her as they entered their bedroom.

"You're welcome, but you haven't even opened your present yet," she said coyly as she closed the door.

"Elena, I told you that I didn't need anything-" When he turned to face her, his jaw fell open and he was rendered speechless. Elena had pulled her dress up over her head and stood before him in only her thigh high stockings, and matching bra and panties.

"Holy shit," he said as his eyes shamelessly raked over her body.

Before she could reply with a witty comment, he'd closed the space between them and trapped her between their door and his body. His lips were on hers a moment later. But instead of what she hoped would be a carnal and passionate kiss, he kissed her gently, cradling her head in his hands and almost worshipping her mouth with his.

It wasn't like they hadn't made love in the past four months. Since they'd received the okay from the doctor, it seemed like the only thing they did when Ella was asleep. But He was always gentle, always attentive, but tonight she craved his fire, his intensity that she knew he possessed in bed.

"Damon," she breathed as his lips moved to her ear and then down her neck. "It's been four months. I'm not going to break."

He pulled back and gazed at her for several long moments. She almost thought he was going to deny her, but soon she saw his eyes darken and she knew she'd gotten what she wanted.

He practically lunged at her then, his lips attacking hers with a carnal need and she returned it all the same. His hands came alive and explored the skin she'd exposed just for him. He growled out his approval as his hands cupped her still full breasts. The growl sent shivers straight down her spine and she wasted no time wrapping her arms around his neck and grinding herself against the bulge in his jeans. Deft fingers unclasped her bra and she whipped it off before wrapping her legs around his waist. Their lips never broke contact as he walked them over to the bed.

His body covered hers the moment she hit the bed and he ripped her panties off. His lips went immediately to her breasts while her hands went to the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. She nearly screamed when his fingers found her warm, wet flesh. She allowed herself to absorb the pleasure before she surprised him and flipped them over. Her heart was in her throat, but she couldn't wait any longer to have him inside her. Straddling his hips, she went to work on his jeans.

"I don't want your fingers in me anymore," she whispered seductively as she tugged his jeans and briefs down his legs, watching with hungry eyes as he sprang free. She crawled back up his body, taking a moment to take him in her hands and feel the soft skin of his hard erection. Her lips continued up his chest as she positioned him and then sank down slowly, reveling in the feel of him inside her. A feeling she'd never tire of. His hands landed on her hips and she watched the pleasure cross his face.

She loved him like this, totally at her mercy. She couldn't help slowing things down a moment so she could just look at him. His eyes popped open as her fingers danced lightly across the skin of his chest and then traced the lines of his face. They were nearly panting as they stared at each other. What was only a moment ago hot and heavy now turned into something much deeper, much more tender. His fingers followed her lead, moving from their place on her knees upward, tracing aimless designs up her thighs and onto the soft skin of her stomach. He surprised her by sitting upright, still remaining inside her. She pressed a soft kiss against his lips as her arms wrapped around his shoulders, loving the feel of his muscles under her hands.

"I love you," she whispered against the shell of his ear, enjoying the goosebumps that appeared.

And then she started to move. Her lips devoured as much skin as she could find as his hands held her hips, helping her move with him. The only sounds that filled the room was the sound of skin against skin and their cries of pleasure as they moved in sync with each other, building them both up higher and higher until finally she found her release with him following right behind her.

Once they caught their breath, he wrapped an arm around the small of her back and laid her down gently on the bed, breaking their precious contact. He snuggled up next to her, running a hand through her hair as he stared at her face.

"That was some birthday present," he said, his voice low and husky and very satisfied.

"I can't say I didn't enjoy it," she replied, turning to face him. She caught a glimpse of his sexy smirk before it dropped off his face and his eyes went cold.

"It's been four months," he whispered, undiluted fear in his eyes.

"I know." And she did know. She woke up that morning knowing exactly what day it was. Knowing exactly how many months it had been. It was still too scary to think about too much.

"I almost lost you," he continued. It was the first time since that day that they really spoke about it. They had spoken about everything else that had happened between them, but never that day and looking at him now, she never wanted to discuss it again. She'd do anything to keep that devastated look out of his eyes.

"But you didn't," she replied passionately, cupping his cheek with her hand.

"And thank God," he breathed.

They lay in silence, staring into each other's eyes and reveling in their love.

"I have something for you," Damon said softly, breaking the silence, his hand still running through her hair.

"You do?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "But it's your birthday, you aren't supposed to get my anything."

"Trust me, I'll be getting something out of it," he said mysteriously before rolling off the bed and leaving her cold without his warmth beside her.

She leaned up on an elbow, pulling the blankets over her chilly skin, and watched him rummage through his nightstand drawer. He made a sound of triumph when he found what he was looking for. Wordlessly, he handed her a small box. She tentatively took it from him and noted that he remained on the floor beside their bed. There was something unfamiliar about the way he was looking at her.

Inside the box lay the most exquisite diamond ring she'd ever seen.

"What is this?" she asked breathlessly.

"I wanted to know if you would marry me," he said shyly. "Again."

"Damon-"

"Listen," he interrupted her, clasping her hands and the ring box in his. "I know you disagree, but I royally fucked up our marriage and I feel like this would be a fresh start for us."

She gave him a confused look, trying to process what he was suggesting.

"I want to renew our wedding vows," he finally said. Just then she realized that he was nervous. He thought she might shoot the idea down. So instead of a verbal answer, she wrapped one hand around the back of his neck and pulled his lips to hers. He kissed her back gingerly and she mentally rolled her eyes, obviously he needed the answer laid out for him plain and simple. Men.

"I think that's a beautiful idea," she smiled up at him before she replaced the ring on her left finger. The diamond looked even better on her hand than it did in the box.

His answering smile made her heart do somersaults. Without another thought, she pulled him into her to join her under the sheets.

There were a few things in this world was she absolutely sure of.

That Damon loved her with his whole heart.

And she loved him the same.

That they loved their daughter more than anything in the world.

And that they were going to make it.

They were going to survive.

They were going to be okay.

More than okay.

The end.

* * *

><p><strong>Welp, there you have it. It's officially over. I admit, I got a little misty writing this. Picturing Damon as a dad is just too precious.<strong>

**Anyway. Again, thank you for sticking with me for all 21 chapters of this roller coaster of a fic. For those reading Dancing in the Dark, I have a good chunk written, so expect an update soon.  
><strong>

**Follow me on Twitter for updates on new stories: rachellebelle08  
><strong>

**Reviews are love. Especially on this chapter.  
><strong>


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